Down the Groundhog Hole

As much as I loved my boyfriend, Robert, sometimes I really wondered about his eating habits. Since it was his birthday, I planned to make his favorite dinner. Unfortunately, his favorite dinner was not something like chicken a la king or beef stroganoff or even liver and onions but one of the most disgusting things I had ever smelled. His most favorite food in the world was goat cheese pizza.

Goat cheese pizza is the rankest, smelliest thing I have ever encountered but Robert loved to have it. Since I was only willing to cook it once a year, I often found myself preparing it on his birthday. Sighing mightily, I pulled the ingredients out of the refrigerator. At least Robert didn’t insist on me eating it with him. I had already made a small pizza for myself with regular mozzarella and mushrooms. Now I set out the cheese, the other half of the dough, the tomatoes, and the ingredients I needed to make the sauce. I had an old recipe, stained with tomato sauce and other unidentifiable items, that his mother had given me when Robert and I moved in together. I had trouble, at first, reading her spidery hand-writing, but I’ve made the pizza so many years now I could probably do it without the recipe.

I set the last ingredient on the counter as a soft woof sounded at the door. I turned and swung the screen open, admitting my two year old Irish Wolfhound. He stood almost three feet tall when on all fours and weighed 150 pounds, about average for his breed. He wrinkled his nose at the smell but padded placidly over to his bowl for a drink. “I know it smells bad, Killian, but Robert likes it and I’m trying to do something nice for him.”

A snort and a spray of water gave me his opinion of my plans but I ignored him. Within minutes, I had assembled the pizza and slid it into the oven. I would put mine back in the oven just before we ate to warm it up but for now it sat on the warming plate Robert had bought for the year before.

I picked up the book I had been reading, a fluff romance about an Irish lass, and went out onto the porch to escape the smell. Killian followed quickly behind me and settled down at my feet once I was sitting, allowing me to rest them on top of him. I enjoyed the slight breeze while I read. As I rocked, I rubbed Killian with my feet and tried to ignore the noxious odor coming from my kitchen.

When the buzzer rang thirty-five minutes later, I nudged Killian away and hauled myself up. I left the book on my rocking chair and went in to retrieve the pizza. I would have to warm them both up when Robert got home but at least I could get rid of some of the smell.

I set the pizza on the table and was turning to check the oven and the hot plate when Killian reached up and grabbed the pizza. As I watched in shock, he dropped it, then got a better grip on it and turned, running through the screen door. Shaking myself out of my shock, I grabbed my compound bow and quiver as I followed him through the runined door. I knew it wouldn't do any good to call after him, even as well trained as he was, once Killian got something into his head there was no dissuading him. He would ignore my calls and commands until he did whatever it was he planned with the pizza. The only thing I could do was follow him and hope that he didn't run too far.

Killian ate up the ground with his loping stride and I tried to keep up. I wasn't anywhere near as fleet as he was, but I could track him. I had grabbed the bow for two reasons. One, we lived in a unpopulated area and there was no guarantee I wasn't going to run across something dangerous, and two because it was still hunting season and I might be able to bag a deer to augment our supplies for the winter.

I gave up on running after him after a few minutes and just concentrated on following the trail he left. He didn't seem to be trying to avoid me, but rather left a trail of broken branches and large footprints.

When I caught up to him, about twenty minutes after the mad dash from the house, he was standing in front of a large hole, the pizza still gripped in his jaws. He dropped it, woofed at me, then turned and dove into the hole. I watched, in astonishment, as he disappeared from sight.

The hole didn't look big enough to admit either of us but he had vanished without a trace, leaving only the pizza lying forlornly next to it. I considered my options.

Option one, I could leave him be, take the pizza home and start over again. Option two, I could leave him and the pizza and just go home, which was looking to be a pretty good idea. Or option three, I could follow him into the hole and hope to bring him home. Honestly I would have taken option one or two, except that I loved Killian too much to let him go alone into something as strange as the hole. I slung the carrying case and quiver over my shoulder to get them out of the way and jumped into the hole.

I had expected to fall a few feet at the most so was alarmed when my feet slid out from under me and I landed on my butt. I began to slide down a smooth surface, picking up speed as I went deeper. It was like a slide at the carnival, the farther you went, the faster you slid. The walls were smooth, there was nothing for me to get a grip on and I felt myself loosing control as I slid farther and farther down.

After an indeterminable time later, I landed. I tried to keep my feet under me but my momentum swept them out from under me and I landed on my butt. I hadn’t thought to grab a flashlight during my mad dash from the house but was confused to find that there seemed to be some sort of light source. It wasn’t bright by any means, but there was enough light to see by and make out the slick walls of the tunnel. I couldn’t see Killian so I hauled myself to my feet and went in search of him.

I unslung my bow as I walked and pulled it out of the case. Slinging the case back over my shoulder, I pulled an arrow out of the quiver and notched it on the string but didn’t pull it taunt. I walked for about fifteen minutes before I saw an opening in the tunnel. Cautiously, I approached it, arrow at the ready. I would shoot first and worry about the consequences later. I hoped Killian was close by and that I could quickly get him home. I was uncomfortable with walking into an unknown situation but felt as ready as I could get.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I exited the tunnel and the only living thing in sight was Killian. A freshly dug mound of dirt was next to his resting place. I glanced around, checking again for others, then set my bow on the ground. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. “Why did you take the pizza? Now I’m going to have to start all over again. If I can figure out a way out of here.”

Killian yawned widely, showing off his teeth, then looked at me and spoke, “You make that stinky thing every year and I have to smell it for days. Can’t you please convince him to like something else?”

My knees crumpled under me as I realized my dog had spoken. I fell to the ground beside him and reached out tentatively to touch him. “Did you just speak?”

“Of course he did, young miss,” a male voice said from my right.

I reacted quickly, grabbing my bow and arrow and bringing it up to bear as I spun around. I almost dropped it in shock when I saw what stood before me.

From the waist up, he was a handsome man, bronze of skin with rippling muscles and shoulder-length sable hair. Kind brown eyes stared down at me, unconcerned despite the weapon I pointed at him. From the waist down, he was a horse. Sable fur that matched his hair covered his body. His horse body stood almost as tall as my shoulders while his human body looked to be about average length. “Put your weapon down,” he requested. “I don’t mean you any harm. My name is Aloysius and I am the War Leader of the Thundering Hooves Clan. We have been waiting for you.”

I watched in confusion as he stepped daintily over to Killian and reached down to touch his head. There was a tinkling of bells and a flash of light that was too bright for me to look at. When the light faded, a shaggy haired child stood where Killian had been laying. His coloring was the same as Killian’s had been, light brown hair and dark brown eyes, but his skin was the creamy Irish tone of mine. “What the hell?” I yelped.

“Your Killian’s true form. He was sent to you two years ago to lead you here when the time was right. Now we must hurry. It is not safe here. Take my hand and we shall run. I can easily carry you both.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” I asked.

Killian took my hand and looked up at me. “I haven’t changed, Mommy, I’m still your boy. But Aloysius is right, it isn’t safe for you here. We must go.”

I looked into the eyes I knew so well although it was disconcerting to see them in a child’s face. I had always trusted Killian and decided I shouldn’t stop now. “What do I do?”

“Gather up your weapon and stand in front of me. Trust me, the last thing I want is for you to be harmed.” I slid my bow back into its case, then joined Killian in standing in front of the centaur. He put his hands on my waist and easily lifted me up, settling me on his back. A moment later, Killian was seated behind me. “Hold tight to my waist. We’re going for a gallop,” Aloysius called over his shoulder. With no other warning, he took off.

The ride was exhilarating. I hadn’t ridden in years and this was so far from what I remembered there was no comparison. Aloysius’s strides were even and well-placed, never a foot wrong and he seemed to bound ten or more feet with each push. Sooner than I would have liked, we were storming into a village.

Humans and centaurs alike scattered out of our way as we pounded through the village. I caught glimpses of shacks, mud buildings, and then as we ran farther in, the buildings changed to stone. Aloysius skidded to a halt in front of the largest building as a man came out. “Hail, my Lord,” Aloysius greeted the man.

The man reached up with a smile. “Allow me, my Lady,” he said. I swung my leg over Aloysius’s back and slid down, landing gently on the ground as the man guided me. He turned when I was safely on the ground in time to catch Killian who had leapt from the centaur’s back. “Hello, Killian,” he greeted him. “Why don’t you go find Esther and get something to eat?”

“Okay, Gideon,” the boy said cheerfully. He started to dash off, then turned and tugged me down so he could kiss my cheek. “Bye, Mommy.”

I watched bemused as he ran off. I had time to study the Lord as he conferred with Aloysius. He had brown hair that curled around his ears and gentle brown eyes. Despite his gentle eyes, his 6'3” frame was well-muscled and fit. He appeared to be about 24 years old but there was a look about him that led me to believe he was more mature than his age. He wore clothing like I had seen at Renaissance Faires, breeches, linen shirt, and a tunic. A sword hung from his belt, the pommel well-worn.

He turned to me when Aloysius was done speaking and bowed. “My Lady, I bid you welcome to the Thundering Hooves Clan. I am Gideon, Lord of the centaurs and humans who reside here, and you, my Lady Geneviere, shall be our savior.”

I frowned, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“Come inside, my Lady, and I will explain everything.” Still a bit nervous, I took the arm Gideon offered me and allowed him to show me into the building.

We settled in a library, a homey room with a brightly burning fire and soft chairs. A matronly woman brought in a tray of delicacies and then bowed first to me and then to Gideon before leaving. As I munched on the food provided, Gideon began to tell me a tale.

Many centuries ago, the centaurs and the humans had been at war. Then one day, the leader of the centaurs had been patrolling their boundaries when he heard a scream for help. He raced towards the screams and soon reached a raging river. A young girl clung to a tree branch that hung over the river, screaming as loud as she could. The centaur could see her arms trembling and knew she didn’t have much more time. Without thinking about his own safety, he threw himself into the river and swam to her side. A few short words convinced her to reluctantly release her grip. He threw her onto his back and struck out for the shore. Although she clung tightly to his waist, he almost lost her three times as they tried to make landfall. Finally though they reached the shore and he stumbled onto solid ground. He turned and set the girl on the ground and only then recognized her. He had rescued the young daughter of his enemy. The girl recognized him at the same time and fled into the woods. Two days later, a messenger had come from the warlord asking for an end to hostilities. He proposed an exchange. His daughter and her betrothed would come with their households to live among the centaurs and the centaurs would send a group to live with the humans. Together they would learn how their enemies live and perhaps prevent another war.

“It worked for many, many years,” Gideon explained when he was done. “The centaurs and humans intermarried and thrived but now we find ourselves at war again.”

“I don’t understand. Why did Killian bring me here?”

Gideon knelt in front of me. “Because you, Genevieve, can stop the new war.” He saw my confused look. “Killian came to us shortly after you adopted him. We knew immediately that he was a changeling, capable of being both human and dog. When we changed him to his human form, he told us of his mommy and what a gentle woman you were. Through his tales over the years, I fell in love with the image he painted of you. I realize that you don’t know me, but I would ask a favor of you. Abide with me for a fortnight. Present yourself to our enemies as my betrothed so they will cease the hostilities long enough for my people to vacate this area. There is a domain we can reach during that fortnight that will be safe for us. If at the end of your fortnight, you find me pleasing, I would ask that you consent to be my Lady. I’m not asking you to make a decision now but simply assist with these few favors.”

I nodded. “I can agree to that. But what of my life above the ground?”

“Time passes here differently. If you decide not to stay, I will simply have you returned there a few moments after you left.”

I nodded. I was escorted to a room of my own and spent the next two days standing still and turning on command as a wardrobe was hastily assembled for me. Gideon explained in one of his many visits that I couldn’t appear in jeans and a t-shirt before the warlord. He spent many hours of the day regaling me with tales of his life and his people and I soon found myself having feelings for him. I had thought I loved Robert, but the feelings I was developing for Gideon seemed so much more real. I questioned Aloysius one day when I finally had suitable clothes and was walking around the village as to whether Gideon had cast a spell on me. Aloysius had laughed and assured me that magic was not among Gideon’s many talents. I noticed the village was emptier than when we had arrived and was told that the people and centaurs had already begun moving to the new location, only those who were needed were remaining behind.

A week after I arrived, Gideon entered the library where I had been reading. “Would you put on the dress waiting in your room, Genevieve? We need to go to meet the warlord.”

I nodded and set aside my book. I had become accustomed to the beautiful handmade dresses and was quickly changed. Gideon waited outside with Killian and Aloysius and another centaur I had seen around the village. “This is Calhoun,” he introduced me to the strange centaur. “He and Aloysius will carry us to our destination.”

Once again I found myself astride a centaur, Killian behind me. As we cantered through the village we were joined by other centaurs, many of them bearing riders armed with weapons. I had grabbed my bow out of habit when I left my room and I was glad to see women among the warriors. It was a short ride to the rise where we would meet the enemy. Aloysius set me down when we reached it and Gideon came to stand beside me. Across from us, another group of warriors rode up on horses.

One of the men dismounted and approached us as Gideon took my hand and we also moved forward. “Who is this?”

“Lord Dempsey, my betrothed, Genevieve. We request a cessation of hostilities while we prepare for our wedding in accordance with the original treaty between the Peoples.”

The warlord stared at me for a few moments then nodded. “Of course, Lord Gideon. Will two fortnights be enough time?”

Gideon looked down at me and smiled softly. His goal and more at been achieved. I had made my decision as I dressed at his request. I would agree to be his wife. These people were kinder and more protective and more loving than anyone I knew above the ground. I had no family, no ties other than Robert and I didn’t find myself regretting my decision. Gideon was the knight in shining armour I had always been waiting for.


Author's Notes:
Genevieve—is pronounced Jen-a-vee-v
Killian is an Irish beer.
Goat cheese pizza really does smell disgusting and honestly I have no idea how anyone could actually eat it.
Irish Wolfhounds were hunting dogs in the Middle Ages, began dying out, and then were revived as a breed in the 1800s. They are huge dogs.
Written for Wickedlure ’s contest, "Invalid Item"  . The prompt was: Write a story that includes a bow and arrow, goat cheese pizza and a Irish Wolfhound (it's a dog).
Special thanks to:
Robert Waltz for the ideas, name, and for sending my brain off into the strange and unusual places it went with this story.
Tirzah Says Go Away for help on figuring out what happened to Genevieve after she fell down the hole.
Genesisemo got married for describing Gideon to me.