A Toast to My Friends

(3 Minutes)

Thank you! Thank you everyone for coming to my party, and for those of you who don't believe it, it was so a surprise. I had no idea what was going on. Truly.
For example the other day, when Bethany was really ordering the cake--thank you by the way Bethany. You got it just right with the roses. They're so pretty and what do I care if they're yellow instead of pink? It's not like I'll be looking at them everyday.

(laughs)

Which reminds me: everybody save room for the cake! Don't fill up on hotdogs and chips.

(big smile and a sigh)

Thanks for that nostalgic touch too. Whose idea was it for hotdogs and chips? That was so sweet. And if it weren't for my allergies to mystery meat, please know I would have loved to have one myself. I would have! Really. I just have a very delicate stomach. The last time I ate a hotdog, you should have seen me! I was wearing orange at the time--bad color for me it turns out--I swelled up and looked like a pumpkin and then I started gagging and next thing you know, I'm spew--. Oh never mind. If I go on with that little story, you'll all be swearing off hotdogs forever. And this is a party! Time for celebrating, caviar or no caviar!

Anyway, the other day when Bethany was in the store ordering the cake, I had no idea. You should have heard me. I saw her in the bakery and panicked that she was off her diet again. I worry about her--you know I worry about you Beth. I love you so much, Sweetie. You're such a good friend and I'd hate to lose you over something so easily managed as diet and exercise. I hope, for your sake, this cake is low-cal!

(laughs)

Oh, Beth, don't leave! You know I'm teasing. Have all the cake you like. You can always work it off at the gym. We've all missed you so much over there. Anyway, I didn't know she was ordering a cake for me!

And when I called a few of you on my actual birthday--oh by the way--I truly don't mind that you decided to have the party after my birthday. That was smart planning. Friday night is the perfect night for a party. I mean, who wants to party on a Tuesday, right?

Anyway, when I called a few of you on my actual birthday and none of you were home, I have to admit I was hurt. I thought you'd all forgotten about me! I had no idea until Brad just told me a few minutes ago that you were all at his place planning this little surprise party for me. No wonder you were all too busy to pick up a phone and call! So if any of you happen to get an envelope in the mail next week, please don't open it. Let that be your birthday gift to me--just tossing that thing right in the garbage. I'd so appreciate that, thanks.

And for those of you who didn't get a phone call that night, I'm sorry. In some cases, I didn't know we were still friends since we see so little of each other, so seeing you here tonight is like a bonus surprise.

And the rest of you, oh forgive me--but I forgot about you. You know how it is though, I'm sure. When you're home alone, feeling depressed, forgotten, lonely and unloved. Well imagine feeling that way on birthday--but let's not go there! Because here we are, and this more than makes up for it. I swear it does. You're all so good to me.

Oh! And when Cathy was by my place a few weeks ago, I caught her looking all guilty when I came out of the kitchen. I could have sworn I saw her put something in her purse. We had a fight, she marched out, and . . . I think she's not here tonight because she did open the letter I sent. If anyone sees her, tell her thank you for sneaking my address book so Bethany, Brad, and the rest of you could put this little party together. Tell her I'm really sorry for calling her a kleptomaniac and a thief. In my defense, she really did take something and I truly had no idea it was for this! How could I know? I mean, really.

This party is so perfect. I only wish James and Rhyssa were here to celebrate it with us. They're at that concert tonight that I've been going on and on about for weeks. For those who didn't know it, my all time favorite band is playing in town tonight--one night only, and silly me--you'll never guess what I did. I didn't buy tickets! I kept thinking it was too close to my birthday to buy them for myself and I might be ruining somebody's great gift idea. I was so sure I'd be getting them for my birthday.

(laughs)

In fact, oh, this is funny. On the way over here, when Brad said he had to stop by here for a second to pick something up and would I like to come in for a minute, I thought it was because he wanted to give me the concert tickets in the house. You know, better lighting, more room for me to jump up and down screaming, and he could get good pictures of it. So yes, I was hugely surprised when you all jumped up and yelled surprise. I thought I was going to have a heart attack! I wasn't expecting that at all.

(sigh)

Anyway. I'm happy. This is a very nice party--just a shame about James and Rhyssa. Speaking of which, even after our ugly breakup, James and I stayed good friends, and I'm happy for him for that he found someone so perfect for him so quickly. I just hope they're still together next week! Rhyssa is such a fun girl, I just adore her, but as we are all aware, she does have a reputation for going out with people just to use them for . . . Oh forget that! I'm not going to stand here at my own party gossiping.

Instead, I'd like to make a toast.

(reaches for a glass and raises it)

To you, my wonderful, thoughtful friends! Thank you for this.

Oh, and one more thing. That was very thoughtful of you to make donations to Greenpeace in my name. Very, very thoughtful, but I should just forewarn for next year, that I am no longer associated with Greenpeace. Not since the letter I sent them . . . anyway.

To you! May you be blessed with friends who are as good to you as you are to me.