A Proper Goodbye

Emily Cabot enjoyed her monthly weekend of solitude. On Saturday mornings such as this she felt maybe that bitch did her a favor by stealing her husband. No, sleeping late and taking an extra long shower without having to be concerned about leaving some hot water for her daughter was not worth the breakup of her family. Although the weekends Sheila spent with her dad did have some welcomed benefits.

The late morning sunshine streamed through the wrap-around window that delineated Emily’s breakfast nook. She sat at her table and stared blankly at the newspaper while she sipped her coffee. She was not really reading but thinking and not really thinking, just enjoying the peace and solitude. It was a stark contradiction to the other three Saturdays of each month.

Normally, Saturdays were full of turmoil. Emily and Sheila would rush about traveling to or from soccer or baseball games or cheerleader practice or some other activity in which her precocious nine-year-old got herself involved. Emily felt as if an entire day had passed as noontime approached, but of course the day was only less than half over.

The afternoons were a bit more relaxed physically but just as hectic emotionally. That was when Sheila and her best friend Sarah rode their bikes and explored the neighborhood, removed from either mother’s protection. The afternoons were a series of phone calls between herself and Sarah’s mother, Rachel, either one asking if her daughter was at the other’s house. Inevitably they were.

Sheila and Sarah were inseparable. They were the closest of friends, who met in kindergarten and played with each other everyday since. Every weekend afternoon, one or the other would get on her bicycle and peddle off to the other’s house. Emily could set her watch to it. If Sheila was still at home at one o’clock, the doorbell would chime and there would be her freckled-faced, redheaded friend at the backdoor. Her green striped helmet strapped tightly around her chin. Sarah’s bright orange mountain bike would always be lying in the same spot next to Emily’s car in the driveway.

There won’t be any need for phone calls today, Emily thought, for although her ex-husband was an S.O.B., he was a good father. She could relax when Sheila was with him and relax she did until her trance was broken by a single chime from the clock in her living room.

Emily looked at her watch. “Oh crap, it’s ten-thirty,” she said to herself as she quickly rose from her chair. She raced for the bathroom to apply her lipstick and bush her tangled hair. Her tranquil morning had turned frenzied after all. She would be late for her eleven o’clock hairdressing appointment if she didn’t hurry. She knew if she didn’t get there on time her spot would be taken and she would have to wait or make another appointment. It was a popular shop with little tolerance for late arrivals.

“Let's see, purse, sunglasses, car keys, damn where’s my keys.” Emily scanned her kitchen then riffled through her purse. “There you are!” she triumphantly exclaimed, as she pulled her key ring out from under her wallet at the bottom of her purse. She took a quick look around to be sure the house was secure and the coffee pot was off, then ran out the backdoor as she pressed the unlock button on her car’s remote.

The car door slammed as the engine roared to life. Emily glanced at her mirrors then threw the car into reverse and hastily backed down her driveway. Just before she reached the street she spied a flash of bright red hair in her side view mirror. Emily slammed the brakes with both feet and the car jolted to a dead stop with a short screech from her tires. She moved the shifter into park and looked over her shoulder. Sarah was standing, facing her, just next to her left rear bumper.

“My God, Sarah!” Emily yelped as she exited her car, “I almost hit you. Are you all right?”

“Hi, Mrs. Cabot,” Sarah said, as if oblivious to her near accident, “can Sheila come out?”

It was a question Emily heard countless Saturdays for the past year and a half, since the girls were old enough to go out on their own. Emily grabbed a hold of Sarah’s shoulders and turned her around to be sure she was still in one piece. She then knelt down and gave Sarah a hug out of maternal instinct.

“What’s the matter Mrs. Cabot?” Sarah asked with a puzzled expression.

“What’s the matter?” Emily replied, surprised at her daughter’s best friend’s lack of awareness, “Don’t you know that you should never walk behind a car while it’s backing up? I couldn’t see you, honey.” Emily stood up, relieved that no damage was done and felt her blood pressure drop back to near normal. She looked at Sarah with concern again, only this time about more mundane things.

“Why are you here Sarah?” Emily questioned, “You know this is Shelia’s weekend with her father.”

“Is that today?” Sarah asked despondently.

Emily was shocked. The girls knew each other’s schedules better than their mothers. “Of course, Sarah, the third weekend of every month. You know that.”

“Oh, I guess I forgot,” Sarah replied, looking down at her feet.

“I guess so,” Emily said with a smile.

“I just wish Sheila was here. I need to talk to her.” Sarah's face drooped. Her normally bright golden freckles dulled and seemly dissolved into her skin as the color drained from her face. Her long hair, that shone so brightly in the sun you could see it like a crimson beacon a half a mile down the street, also seemed to lose it's luster.

"Are you feeling alright Sarah?" Emily asked as she placed the back of her hand against the girl's forehead, "You're looking a little pale, dear."

"I'm OK I think. I just wanted the talk to Shelia. It's improtant."

“My word,” Emily said, “you two were together all day yesterday in school. It’s not like she’ll be gone all week. You’ll see her Monday and you can talk all you want. Can’t it wait ‘till then?”

Sarah said nothing. She looked up at Emily. Her eyes glistened from the dance of sunlit tears that collected between puffy lids. Her reddened eyes contrasted deeply to her otherwise pallid face. Emily's heart melted. The bond between the girls was intense. She caught herself wishing that she had formed such a friendship in her childhood but with the frequent family moves that wasn't possible. Friends entered and exited her life like so many visitors. Emily pushed the regret from her forethoughts and despite Sarah's obvious sorrow over missing Sheila's company she began to grow impatient.

“Oh, everything is so life-and-death with you two. Do you want to give her a call?” Emily immediately regretted the offer. A phone call would make her hopelessly late, but she now resigned herself to the possibility of missing the appointment. After all, dealing with a childhood crisis is much more important, no matter how banal it actually was.

Emily looked anxiously at Sarah. She was as pale and inanimate as a porcelain doll. Emily was about to reach out to Sarah when she finally broke her trance to wipe her teary eyes with her sleeve.

“No, I guess it can wait,” Sarah replied

Emily was relieved. “That’s a grown-up way of thinking, young lady. Now, get on your bike and go straight home. I’m very late for an appointment and…” Her voice trailed off as she realized that Sarah’s bicycle was nowhere in sight. “Where’s your bicycle, honey, you didn’t walk all the way here, did you?”

“My bike’s broken.”

“Oh my, is that what you wanted to talk the Sheila about?” Emily asked.

“Kind-a”

“Well, I’ll tell her when she gets home tomorrow night. I’m sure she’ll have all kinds of questions about it,” Emily said to humor the girl, “How about you get into the car and I’ll drive you home. Your mother must be worried,” Emily walked toward the driver side door. She reached for the door handle then dropped her arm when she realized that Sarah hadn’t moved.

“Sarah, get in. I don’t have time for dilly-dally,” Emily said abruptly.

“I don’t want to go home.”

“Why not, dear?”

Sarah's forehead formed deep furrows. Her lips twisted and solid streams of tears ran down her ashen cheeks. Emily's concern grew. She had never seen Sarah in such a state. She was normally bright and fun loving and had always been the one person who could lift her daughter's frequently dour temperament. It was this quality that made Sarah so special, so precious, to her and to Sheila.

Emily felt her own eyes sting. She stooped and wraped her arms around the troubled little girl. She gently rocked Sarah, cradling her head against her breast and rubbing her back until her tearful spasms subsided. Emily stood and brushed Sarah's wet cheek with her hand.

“What’s wrong, honey? Why are you so upset?”

“Mom’s mad at me.” Sarah replied, her bottom lip trembling.

“Why do you think that she’s mad at you?”

Sarah answered between shuttering gasps of inhaled breaths. “She ran over my bike ‘cause I left it behind her car by accident and then she jumped out of the car and started screaming at me. And, and then Dad came running out of the house and started yelling too, so I ran away. I don’t like it when they get mad.”

Emily cocked her head and puzzled over what Sarah had said. “Did this just happen?” Sarah nodded in a slow and deliberate motion. “Rachel must be worried sick. I wonder why she hasn’t called? She probably doesn’t think you’re here.” Emily went to the car and retrieved her cell phone from her purse. She pressed the speed dial code set for Rachel’s number and brought the phone to her ear. “Christ, I’m getting voice mail.” She slammed the phone shut without leaving a message, threw it back into her bag and slowly approached Sarah again.

“Honey, sometimes moms and dads get upset when their little girls do something wrong. You know it was wrong to leave your bike behind your mom's car, don’t you,” Emily asked Sarah as calmly as she could, despite the fact that she almost hit her in much the same way just a few minutes ago. She pulled the girl’s head to her hip. “I know that your mom is much more worried than mad and she’s probably looking for you right now. So, let’s get in the car and go home.”

“But, can’t I stay here with you a little longer?” Sarah pleaded, looking up from Emily’s waist.

“I’d love for you to stay and chat, but if we don’t leave now, I’ll miss my hair appointment.” Emily thought hard for something that would motivate Sarah to get into the car. “Hey, you know what? I’m thinking of getting my hair dyed red, just like yours.”

“Really?” Sarah’s disposition seemed to lift. Color returned to her cheeks and her freckles began to shine.

No, not really thought Emily, more like auburn, but close enough to the truth. “Yes, and when it’s done, I’ll come over to your house and show you, OK?”

Immediately, Sarah’s mood shifted downward again. Emily became desperate. She couldn’t get a hold of Rachel and every moment Sarah delayed was another moment of agony for her parents. She thought about calling again, but Sarah lived only three minutes away. She will have to be stern with the girl and make her obey.

“Sarah, get into the car right now. No more playing games. I have to get you home or you’ll have more than one mother mad at you.” Emily regretted her tone and the words she chose, but there were limits to placating a stubborn child. Anyway, the sooner she got the girl home the sooner Sarah’s troubles would be over, imagined or not.

“Oh, all right, Mrs. Cabot.” Sarah pouted, as she walked to the passenger side door. Emily entered her car, waited for Sarah to buckle herself in and then cautiously backed out onto the street.

The short drive to Rachel’s house was quiet. Not a word was spoken. Emily looked at her young passenger and wondered what she was thinking. Sarah did not seem to be worried. All signs of the emotional turmoil of the past few minutes had been erased from her face. Her expression was blank. She did not betray any emotion at all. She sat with her hands folded on her lap, looking straight ahead. Emily wanted say something reassuring to ease Sarah's troubled mind but resisted the impulse. Getting her back to her own home would be all the reassurance she needed. It would be better to just leave her alone.

Emily slowed as she approached Sarah’s street and turned the wheel to enter. “Is that the police?” Emily questioned, as she slowly made her way towards Sarah’s house, “It looks like your parents called the police, dear.” She slowed the car to a crawl to give herself a few seconds to think. “I tell you what, why don’t you stay in the car while I go and explain things to the police and your Mom and Dad. I think it will give everyone a chance to calm down. Don’t you think?”

Sarah looked at Emily and nodded. Her lips formed into a tentative smile. Emily knew this was the right thing to do. She could see some color coming back to the child’s pallid face. Emily pulled to the curb about one hundred feet from the two patrol cars parked in front of Rachel’s driveway. She shut off the engine, took the keys and walked briskly towards the house.

A small crowd had gathered and was growing by the second. People were running from all corners of the neighborhood and were assembling around the police cars. Emily began to quicken her pace. Sarah has been missing for no more than an hour and they already have a posse forming, thought Emily. I better stop this quickly before it gets out of control.

She rounded a tall hedge of overgrown Rhododendrons and saw Rachel sitting cross-legged on the driveway. Her hands were to her face and she was rocking back and forth. Her husband, Dan, knelt beside her. His arms were wrapped loosely around her shoulders. The view cleared a bit more and she spied an ambulance parked diagonally across the side lawn. Emily began to panic and ran towards her friend.

“Rachel? Rachel?” she screamed. What could have happened that needed an ambulance she thought, a heart attack, a nervous break down?

Emily reached the crowd and shouldered her way through. Her entry was blocked by one of the police cars, so she pushed her way long its bumper until a police officer stopped her progress.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, but this is an accident scene. You can’t come through,” the officer explained as he blocked Emily’s approach.

“Accident, who had an accident?” Emily nervously inquired while craning to see past the policeman’s shoulder.

“I think a kid was run over by her mother,” an acne faced teenaged boy replied, standing just to Emily’s left.

Emily began to feel sick. “No, no, I have Sarah. She’s over in my car now. You’ve got it wrong!” Emily angrily pushed the ignorant boy aside and tried to reach Rachel by another route.

She ran behind the growing crowd and towards the ambulance. She squeezed past the second patrol car and made her way up to the end of the driveway. “Rachel? What going on?” she yelled, but Rachel didn’t seem to hear. It was then that she saw a bicycle with a twisted wheel rim lying on the side lawn. It was a bright orange bike with a green striped helmet still attached to the handlebars. It was Sarah’s bike. Emily looked over towards her car, but the view was blocked by the Rhododendron bush.

She continued to move, slowly now, towards the back of the ambulance. Two EMTs were lifting a stretcher onto its extension legs. A body, a small body, was covered in a white sheet and strapped securely to the stretcher. The stretcher snapped into its full extension with a slight jolt, causing the body on top to shutter. A slip of hair fell from under a corner of the sheet. Emily stared in disbelief. It was red hair. Emily became dizzy. The air seemed thick. She couldn’t breath. She didn’t understand.

“Wait, wait,” she screamed and ran up the driveway and onto the front lawn. Rachel and Dan watched her with sunken, empty eyes. Emily pointed to her car. “Rachel, Sarah’s with me. She’s in the car.” She continued to run towards her car. “That’s not her. It can’t be her. She’s here. I brought her home.”

She looked away from Rachel and tried to focus on her car through streams of tears. “Sarah,” she screamed. Emily crashed into the passenger door, her hands splayed against the closed window. “Sarah! Sarah!” but Sarah was not there. She pounded the window with her fists. “Sarah, where are you?” She ran around the car looking into every window. “Are you hiding? Your mom’s not mad at you. Please come out. Show her you're OK.”

Emily looked around franticly then raced back across the lawn and yelled to Rachel. “She’s here. I brought her home. She was afraid, but I brought her home.” She must have gone inside, Emily thought, and then ran towards the house screaming Sarah’s name.

“Emily, stop,” a voice from behind called out. Emily stopped and turned just as Dan caught up to her. He reached out and embraced Emily. “What are you doing, Emily? Sarah’s gone,” he choked.

“I brought her home, Dan. I brought her home,” Emily cried, as she slid down to her knees on the thick, cool grass. Dan dropped with her and continued to hold her tightly.

Emily sobbed against Dan's chest until her mind began to clear. She thought she now knew what had happened. Sarah wanted to see Shelia one last time. She wanted to play and talk with her very best friend before she went away forever, but Shelia wasn’t home. Instead, she stayed with Emily. It was a poor substitute she knew, but through her Sarah could still connect with Shelia. One day, after the pain had subsided, when Shelia was a woman, Emily will tell her about how her lost friend tried to say goodbye. They will both cry and remember.