A Tail of Two Rabbits

         The morning started off fine. I got up, poured myself a cup of coffee, and picked up the paper off the front porch. Everything was set for a relaxing weekend; until I looked out the window into the small garden behind my house. Of course, I had to look right as I was sipping my coffee. I’m sure the little buggers enjoyed seeing me dancing around from the pain of scalding coffee burning its way down my front, and the pain of knowing my garden was doomed.

         Two rabbits, long ears flopping, sat looking up at me through the coffee flecked window. I set my cup down resolutely. I wasn’t going to give up without a fight!

         Things would have been easier had I lived in the country, but within the city limits, the sound of a gun going off would have brought the police straight to me like… well, like a bloodhound after a rabbit. I would have to do this the hard way.

         I started out trying to save my plants. Fat lot of good that did! Cayenne pepper? Hah! Turns out rabbits like a little spice. Soapy water? Didn’t have any effect. Couldn’t have had any less effect, in fact, if they had been goats! Traps? They just waltzed by them, and inexplicably, every morning the bait was gone. I tried every kind of repellent available. No good. Then, I decided to get drastic!

         I found some rabbit poison online, and ordered some. Guaranteed to kill rabbits within hours! However, reading the fine print, I learned that it would also kill dogs, cats, and everything else that it came in contact with. And it also hangs around for up to six months. Not the sort of thing I wanted my two dogs getting into. So, that was forty bucks down the drain.

         I was getting desparate, not to mention depressed. I was getting beat by two fluffballs that couldn’t keep their noses from twitching! How much more can a guy take?! It was then, in the throes of anguish over my ravaged garden, that the proverbial lightbulb flashed on over my head. It was the bare light in the garden shed, swinging from a chain. And there, right there, where it had been all the time, was my salvation! A huge piece of burlap, heavy burlap, so heavy I could barely pick up the bundle. I staggered out the door of the shed, and dumped it next to the garden.

         Returning to the shed, I found some lumber that was left over from building the front porch. I set posts around the garden, loose so that they would topple when I wanted them to. Now for the hard part. I made a square of wood, and spread the burlap over it. As I was tacking the material on, some of my neighbors peered at me from their yards. They had always thought I was crazy, now they had proof!

         I called a couple of them over, and out of curiosity, they came. I had them help me set the frame with the burlap on top of the posts, careful not to topple any over. It took a few tries, but we finally got it. It looked like a very shaky pavilion. I then looped a rope around the posts, so that when the time came, I could pull the string and trap the rabbits.

         I stayed up late that night, waiting on the furred terrors. They were later than usual, and I was beginning to think that they weren’t coming, when two dark shapes, like robbers in the night, slinked into view. I waited until they were right in the middle of the patch, engrossed in eating what was left of my once-magnificent garden, before I pulled the string. The posts came down, and so did the the trap, right on top of them! I grabbed a pet carrier and pulled on some leather gloves, then walked out onto the burlap.

         I could see their shapes through the heavy cloth, and I pulled out a knife. Grabbing hold of the critter through the burlap with one hand, I cut through the burlap and then dropped the knife, sticking my hand the slit. I grabbed the rabbit, pulled it through the slit, and stuffed it in the carrier, slamming the jail door on the little criminal. I then did the same with the other. There was a moment where I wasn’t sure if I could get the second one in without letting the first one go, but I managed to do it.

         I set the carrier in the back of my pickup, and went for a midnight ride. I wasn’t taking any chances. I drove for about three hours, before stopping and letting them loose. I haven’t seen them since. Of course, I don’t grow a garden anymore, so that might have something to do with it. I’m traumatized for life!