I Don't Exist

I’ve never seen a future for myself.
Never pictured myself growing older and living a life of my own
I see it everyday-death, aging, people becoming something completely different
But I don’t believe that’s me.
I don’t see myself aging or dying. I don’t even see myself living.
I don’t exist.
It’s like, I’m looking out on the world, through a body and mind I don’t know, I’m trapped inside.
They look at me, they talk to me, they feel my skin.
But I don’t exist.
Looking into the mirror is like looking at another person.
It’s not me.
Cutting my skin and watching the blood spill.
It’s not my blood.
My breath is not mine.
My eyes aren’t mine.
I don’t exist.
Every emotion that I’ve ever felt was never mine.
I’m not the person everyone thinks I am.
I don’t exist
I can cry, I can throw things, I can get as mad as I want.
I don’t exist.
Everyone’s changing around me, people growing older and planning their future, and I know I should join them, that’s what my body is telling me.
But I don’t exist.
Is this how I’m supposed to be? Trapped inside someone else.
They say that what you see in others is just a mirror of yourself
When I look in the mirror I don’t see me.
I see someone with soulless eyes looking back.
I don’t exist.
I draw blood. I cry. I sleep.
I don’t exist.
I play the part in this play.
I don’t exist.
People that I used to understand are leaving me behind.
I don’t exist.
I don’t see myself the way others do.
I see nothing ahead.
I don’t exist.
I was never born to begin with. I’ll never die.
I refuse to believe anything else.