A Battle In My Head

Tonight when I spoke to you
I heard it in your voice
You knew you had to let me go
You had to make your choice


I heard us making small talk
Say we’ll leave it for a while
And all the while I sat there
Like a clown without a smile


I knew I should be fighting
Battling for the beauty’s hand
But I’m selfish and I’m stupid
Think that you can’t understand


That it’s pride that keeps my tongue still
And its pride that says “All’s well”
And its pride that’s nodding sagely
While inside I go through hell


I’m sick now to my stomach
While I watch from up above
My mouth still making noises
While my mind screames “You’re in love!”


“You finally have feelings for
A woman you desire
And you know that her every word
Sets your heart on fire!”


“Why can’t you open up your mouth
And let the words come out
I mean, at least be honest
Tell her what you want to shout”


But I don’t trust myself
To tell her the truth about me
My inner cynic smirks and says
“Hmmm, now let me see…”


“Tell her she has brought full colour
To a life that once was poor
She has filled your world with magic
Woodland elf or Minotaur”


“Wizard, Orc, Hobgoblin too,
Mountain dwarf and Leprechaun
Dryad, Nyaid, Goblin, Druid
Hobbit, Unicorn and Faun”


“Creatures of all kinds of places
Find in you a place of peace
May your love bring hope eternal
May your wonders never cease”


Inwardly my blood boils
As my mouth betrays my heart
I don’t know what I should have said
But maybe here’s a start…


“Tell her that you need her
That she’s like your shooting star
That you treasure every moment
That you’ve spent with her so far”


“Tell her you can see a future
Where the two of you can be
Ridiculously happy, oh and
All of that guilt-free”


“Tell her you’ve rediscovered
Creative gifts you thought long gone
That you love it when she dances
When she just bursts into song”


“Tell her that she’s smart and cute
And try to make her see
That it’s her that helped you want
To be the man that you can be”


“Tell her that the stars have
Spelt her name across the night
And the wind whispers Jess.
While the birds sing it in flight”


“Maybe it won’t matter
Maybe every chance is dead
But you’ll only feel regret
For heartfelt words you never said”