How to Get Rid of Flies

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the weather was warm, and, of course...

"Those damn flies!" my cousin energetically exclaimed. Of course, I had already noticed, it was quite hard not to.

SLAP! "There goes another one," I exclaimed, not without joy. I had a bit more experience than most people at killing flies single-handedly, having once spent 12 days in the wild with friends and a prodigious number of flies. My cousin had no such luck.

One landed on her empty cup. "Let's catch it," she whispered.

I couldn't help but snort. "You actually expect to catch a fly in a c-."

SMACK! Now, I couldn't help but gape. She had flipped a plate over the cup's opening and succesfully caught not one, but two flies. "Hand me another cup," she said. I gave her one. Then I realized what she was going to do with it.

"You're not going to-."

SQUSH! Yes, she was going to. Two small, black marks not decorated the interior of her cup and the exterior of the one I had given her. Della cackled evilly. "Let's catch some more!" she suggested. She smiled. I gagged.

She did, eventually, get a good few more flies. Here's a list of the ways she killed or thought of killing flies, each one followed by an asterisk representing a dead fly. Let us mourn them in celebration, ahem, silence.

1. Squished by cup*****
2. Drowned in cup**
3. Drowned in plate*
4. Cooked over campfire
5. Burned with match*
6. Burned with gasoline
7. Burned on grill*
8. Frozen with ice cubes*
9. Stepped on***
10. Served in a taco
11. Put in balloon and popped
12. Buried alive*
13. De-winged and watched suffer for a while*
14. Split in two or three parts with a hair
15. Hit by dart
16. Stuck with needle
17. Hit by hand on surface***
18. Hit in air*
19. Bounced around in cup****(more???)
20. Split in two with stick*
21. Made to read a list of ways to kill a fly (countless victims... you're not a fly, are you?)