Baby Boom

“Ouch! Nice kick! You got me under the ribs with that one!”

“Aww, I’m sorry Mommy. You know there isn’t a lot of room in here and I really did need to stretch.”

“It’s okay Baby. I knew before I conceived you that this wasn’t going to always be pleasant.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know what I was in for before I became self-aware. Keep in mind, the only ones that had choices in this affair was you, Daddy and the sperm. The Egg didn’t really want any part of this.”

“Oh? I didn’t know that. I thought when I made my decision to become pregnant, that my whole body was prepared.”

“Sorry Mom, but your miniscule part of the universe doesn’t always revolve around you. There are lots of factors to be taken into consideration.”

“Such as what?”

“Let me break this down to the primary body parts that are involved. First, your Heart really wants to have a child to love. Your Brain, being the fickle one, wants to agree with the Heart, but still has doubts as to whether you are entirely ready for this responsibility. Your Womb is screaming ‘No, no, no! I’m not ready to be stretched out!’

Your Body, in generally, is seeing this as total re-arrangement. Hips are going to spread. Belly is going to bear stretch marks and may never be the same again. Breasts are loving the idea of having a child suckling. Legs aren’t relishing the possibility of varicosities. Even Anus is cringing at the idea of hemorrhoids. That’s just a synopsis of what your Body as a whole feels about childbearing. Me being the crux of this, I’m catching all the flack.”

“Aww, Allison, I never realized that is what my body is going through. But I know I will love you no matter what. It’s a natural thing for a Mother’s love.”

“Allison? You know there is a good chance I could be an Al, don’t you?”

“Well, yes, if that’s the case, your name will be Horatio.”

“Oh God! Mommy, anything but Horatio! I could handle Allison, but never Horatio!”

“Sweetie, that was your Daddy’s father’s name. You should carry it with pride!”

“Pride, shrmide. You want me to get beat up on the playground? That's what will happen! That name might have been good for the twentieth century, but this is the twenty-first century and that name isn’t gonna cut it!”

“Okay, I’ll bring that thought up with your father. Maybe we can come up on a compromise should you be a boy.”

“Tell you what, Mom, if you go get a chocolate fudge sundae, with anchovy and pickle relish sprinkles, I’ll tell you what gender I’m going to be.”

“God, I hate when you crave like that!”

“Hey, I can’t help it! When you rub your belly like that, it makes me hungry and I am a growing fetus, ya know!”

Word Count: 486