What a Ride!

Years ago, in my misspent youth, I cowboyed for a season or two. You can learn a lot as a cowboy, about who you are and life in general. I never would have guessed it at the time, but one of the things I learned was how a relationship works.

Riding a bronc and maintaining a relationship have a lot in common. Let me explain.

When I first took up the sport, the instruction given me was simple, almost primitive. “Get on. Hang on. Wait for the buzzer.” Simple, right? Buddy, nothing’s that simple. As I gained experience, I learned, mostly through trial and error but occasionally through observation, that a lot goes in to making a good ride.

First of all, you’ve got to have the right equipment. Equipment is expensive and takes time, effort and sacrifice to gather. But you have to have it. You have to have a riggin’ to connect you to the horse and give you something to hang onto. You have to have a glove to hang onto the riggin’ with or you’re gonna lose your grip on that first jump out and get a nasty blister on your hand besides. You need spurs, mostly for show, but also to let the bronc know you mean business and that you came prepared. You need chaps to protect you when he slides along the fence but mostly to flap around and enhance your spurring action for the judges.

Next, you’ve got to have a keenly developed sense of balance. A little too much weight to the left or right and you’re gonna topple. You’ve gotta learn to go with the flow. Along with this balance, you need timing. The best riders develop their timing almost to the level of precognition. They have learned through experience how to notice the tiniest movements of the broncs ears or the ripple of muscles under their legs and just know what the next move or turn will be. They’re ready for it when it comes. They make it look easy.

Finally, you need confidence. You have to just know that you’re a cowboy and you can ride whatever you draw. You only get that from experience. Every time you buck off, you think about what went wrong and how you can do better next time. That’s how those old top hands make it look so easy.

So how is all this like a relationship? Let me lay it out for you, partner.

Think of the bronc as life with your partner with all its twist and turns, ups and downs. Whatever life throws at you is just the bronc you drew up on. You can’t choose which one you get to dance with. That’s preordained by the Great Rodeo Secretary who made all the match ups before the rodeo ever started. All you can do is make the best ride possible. If life goes left, go with it. If it rears up, lean into it. If it kicks high, lay back and hang on. Sometimes you’re gonna buck off. Other times you can make it to the buzzer. The only thing you personally can choose is to make the best ride possible. Sometimes, it’s gonna be a real short ride. Life sometimes throws us more than we’re ready for. It’s a learning experience.

So you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start thinking about what went wrong. You’re gonna hurt. Maybe just a scratch, maybe some broken bones, maybe just a bruised ego. Sometimes you feel like you got your chest kicked in. You take some time, let it heal and enter another rodeo. Maybe you’ll get it right this time.

You learn to use your equipment, that experience you’ve gained. You start putting some sticky rosin on your riding glove. Maybe little habits like remembering to put the toilet seat down, or always telling her you love her before you leave the house. Doesn’t seem like much, but man does it improve your hold. Before you know it, your rides are lasting a whole bunch longer. Life has to throw a lot more at you to shake you loose.

Along the way you learn about the importance of balance. Relationships are like that too. You gotta always be prepared to give a little, to go with the flow, to compromise…and to know when you can take. Too much selfishness, too much givin’ in, too much having my way or givin' her her's, and you’re clocking more “air time” and wondering how bad the landing’s gonna hurt.

You learn about spurring. Sure you can just get on, hang on and maybe you’ll make the buzzer. But, if you don’t spur, you don’t score well. It’s just a ride. Soon, you learn that spurring accomplishes a couple of things…besides impressing the hell out of the judges. It helps you hang on and maintain your balance and it makes even an unsuccessful ride one hell of a lot more satisfying knowin’ you gave it your all. So you learn to do those extras, at first just for the points. You do the dishes, fold the laundry, maybe even offer to cook. Pretty soon you’re not doing it for the points anymore but just because it feels right. You’re becoming a cowboy.

Then, one day, you get that perfect draw. This is the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life! Everything just feels right! You settle down, suck it up and nod for the gate. Every move seems choreographed, every buck or turn just seems to make you stick tighter. Friend, when you find that one, you better pop the question, ‘cause there won’t be a second chance. Just nod your head, hang on and spur like hell!

There’s a gold buckle at the end of that ride!