A Cleaner's Lot

Written while I was working as a cleaner in the big shop in the famous Anglesey tourist trap town of "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch"

A Cleaner’s Lot
(from “When a Felon’s not Engaged in his Employment”, Gilbert & Sullivan’s “Pirates of Penzance”)

Oh, in any place that’s cause to give employment
Dirt comes just as sure as darkness comes with night
And so with a view to customer enjoyment
A cleaner’s paid to keep it nice and bright

The gloves and disinfectant she is bringing
Deal with any messy job that must be done
Though she keeps her mind off what she does by singing
A cleaner’s lot is not a happy one

Oh___, when there’s any job that’s messy to be done, to be done
A cleaner’s lot is not a happy one (Happy one)

Now the job that turns the gentle-stomached queasy
Is the work that involves scrubbing the latrines
And if anybody tells you that it easy
You tell them they can tell that to the marines

And the lavs are where a cleaner is most needed
Though the work is smelly, long and not much fun
When the signs she puts up simply are not headed
A cleaner’s lot is not a happy one

Oh___, when there’s any job that’s messy to be done, to be done
A cleaner’s lot is not a happy one (Happy one)

People come from London, Bangor, Perth and Shropshire
Just to see the village with the funny name
Parties wouldn’t come from ‘round the world to shop here
If they found the place was mucky when they came

So a cleaner here must work just like a Trojan
For the tourists do not come here for the sun
Fellow cleaners everywhere, we have a slogan
“A cleaner’s lot is not a happy one”

Oh___, when there’s any job that’s messy to be done, to be done
A cleaner’s lot is not a happy one (Happy one)