Forgiveness with an ivory handle

I was going to church but I still do it...IN STYLE. I got in my Mazda RX-8 and revved it up to like 7000 rpm. I screamed into the parking lot of the church cause my car was hella fast. There was some women passing into the church and they turned around and were like "Whoa. This guy is hot." I was wearing my Ray-Ban shades and I raised my eyebrows at them like I was checking them out. One of them fainted on the spot when she saw me checking her out! I was like "it's all in a day's work, making those females get all excited."

So I parked my awesome red Mazda RX-8. I saw a hottie pass by. I said: "Hey baby, I'm giving up God. How about I worship you instead?" She immediately gave me her name and phone number and told me to come over after church so she could cook me breakfast. I was like: "Baby, I can die right now, cause I know where Heaven's at."

So I knew I had to get down to business and I needed to rock and roll. So I looked at this sweet thang in front of me and I was like "excuse me, I gotta get down to business and rock and roll." I looked at her over the top of my shades and she fainted with very delight. I got into the church and I went into the confession room. I kneeled behind the wall thing and the preacher was like: "Tell me your sins son."

I was like: "Bless me father, for I have MURDERED." I heard him lose his mud cause he knew who I was. I went around the wall thing and pulled out my ivory handled gun. I looked at him and said, "Bet you thought you could kill all those people and sell drugs from the safety of the church and you thought you'd get away with everything."

He looked at me and he said: "You ain't got the guts." He knew I had the guts though. He was just trying to sound tough, even though he killed women and kids.

I looked at him and I was like: "Hey father, get holy." I pumped him full of lead. I made the sign of the cross and looked up to heaven and said, "God, please forgive him cause I sure as hell don't." I stepped out into the main church and made an announcement and said: "God's taking a little break, church is canceled till further notice."

After pretty much saving the day and the town (cause the dirty bishop I took out pretty much controlled the town with his mob) I went and found the girl.

She was like: "You're not only handsome and have a kickin car, but your a hero too. You saved the entire city from the evil minister."

I was like: "Baby, let's go to your place. Doing a heroic deed gives me a heroic appetite." When she heard that she kissed me.