To Mother

TO MOTHER

For all those years I thought that it was me
I thought what made you angry was my fault
I didn't know why you should get so mad
I thought that there was something wrong with me.

I know what made you angry came before
before I ever came upon the scene
Long years ago your pain and anger burned
and had nowhere to go but deep inside

And then there was a child that you could blame
And then there was a place to put your wrath
Childish mistakes to rail against. Your rage
came spilling out and found release at last.

The child who wanted to be held and loved
was pushed away and told that she was bad
and never knew what it was safe to say
or do or where was safe to be.

Now I am older than you were back then
And I have gained some knowledge of the world
I know why you were forced to give me pain
I know why you could never give me love.

The sins and crimes somebody did to you
Were not forgotten though you thought they were
You never let yourself think of those days
but they were deep inside you just the same.

A parasite that took away your joy
And rendered you incapable of love;
that grew within by feeding on your soul
Till you were hollowed out of all nut pain.

I couldn't change the person you became
All I coud do was make it very sure
this stops with me and with this time and place,
and does not pass itself along again