The Salesman and the Trash Compactor

This here is a true story that took place a long time ago at a big department store.

My buddy and I are poking around in the appliance center looking for a new washing machine. Sitting right next to them are the trash compactors and we start checking them out. After a few minutes of milling around a salesman walks up and introduces himself “Hello, my name is Robert. May I be of some service to you?"

"Sure can, how much crushing power do these compactors have?" I asked as I was fiddling with the buttons on one of the machines.

Well this tall dorky looking guy, with plaid pants and a puke green button down shirt, starts rambling on about how great these trash compactors are and how much time and money they can save, "Bla, Bla, Bla, so what do you think, sure would be nice to have one of these models here, huh?"

I look at my buddy in a real curious looking way “You know, I think it will work for us, what do you think?"

“Sure looks like it would work.”

"Yeah, that’s what I'm thinking too."

Right then the salesman butts in" What is it you guys are trying to figure out?"

My buddy turns and looks at him with a perfectly straight face " Well, we're Undertakers"

"Excuse me?" The salesman said in a high squeaky voice.

My buddy goes on, “Yeah, Undertakers, and these things here look like they really could save us some time and money"

"How is that? The salesman replies as his interest is starting to peak.

My buddy replies in the straightest face possible, “I think we could use them on the bodies, we could cut the head off and crush the body, then we can take out the bag with the body neatly crushed inside, poke a stick in the top, then slam the head on top of the stick. It would make for a really neat, compact little package, that would save us loads of room in our shop, and at the viewing, we could just sit it up front on a metal fold up chair"

The salesman is now turning a few different shades of green, which kind of clash's with his puke green shirt. “You guys are kidding, right?"

My buddy points to a small box of the extra compactor bags.
" We're dead serious, and you know what the best part is? We could plop four or five of these bags right on top of each other in the same little hole, and the people would be thrilled at the savings"

At this point the salesman is no longer interested in a sale and heads as far away from us as possible. We go back to looking at the washing machines and a few minutes later another salesman comes creeping up, " Can I Interest you guys in our new line of ultra powerful garbage disposals?"

Written by
S.S. Wieczorek