Whale Candy Recipe

Whale Candy Recipe
(Holiday foods you hope you won't have to eat)


Christmas food usually tastes good
But there are some things not meant to eat
Like a bright yellow-snow soufflé
Or a burger made of reindeer feet
A sandwich made from Christmas lights
Or Bill’s balls squeezed oh, so right
But I have a secret recipe
Much like chicken of the sea
A candy you can’t find for sale
Because mostly it is made of whale
You start with a gaseous cloud of vapor
A big bear’s turd so finely tapered
Encased in a globule of licorice muck
Floating face-down in liquid nougat
Which is the candy equivalent of veal
Rolled up inside a solid crispy whale
Cover with rich, creamy... pepperoni
Then mold into a fat-butt-bottom bologna
And there you have it, slopped in a bowl
Just be sure to eat 'round the blow hole