Dear Me

Dear Me,

I've just sat down to watch the hanging of Saddam and am struck with a mixture of feelings. Justification, that a man who had been found guilty of committing such horrible acts against humanity has been tried and punished. A sense of thoughtfulness, that I've watched for entertainment value the ending of a man's life, no matter how horrible it might have been, which for as simple as it was, was not anticlimactic. Wonder, when thinking about the executions of other historical figures the comparison to this one. Was it as profound when Marie Antionette was executed? Was it as "deathly still" when Ceaser was murdered by the Senate? Are others, who've watched this, as impacted as I am?

Among my other less trivial wishes for the new year, I wish that I do not become desensitized. I fully expected to feel completely numb and unmoved when watching the video, and found that I was neither. When a life ends, whether or not it's been a significant part of your own, I believe we as humans, feel it. There were no fireworks, no gunfights, no hysterics or dramatic lines saying "you'll pay for this!" as Hollywood portrays in so many movies. Real life needs none of those things and is still just impactful. I wish that I do not become desensitized.

I wish that I feel the laughter my nephew caused when he got sent home from school after giving another kid at school a "swirlie", just as strongly as I did the day it happened. I want to never forget the feeling of the wind lightly ruffling my hair while surrounded by friends and family at a backyard barbecue or the gentle breathing of my nieces and nephews as they slept against my chest as infants. I hope I fall in love as deeply and as unreserved as I did the very first time without the reservations that cripple so many of us. I want to continue to feel the hope that we'll find a cure for cancer and find a way to live harmoniously together.

I want this, for my new year, because what's the point living life, if only to become numb and unfeeling to the things in life that make it worth living?