Around the Bend

Around The BendI

I’m healed. That sounds empty to the ear that doesn’t not know where I’ve been for three years, or how far I‘ve come since August 2005. It all started in 2002 when I started coughing. The cough increased so much that my breathing was affected. I was unable to sleep in the bed, but spent most of my nights walking the floor trying to get ease and the time I did rest I slept in a lounge chair.

I went to my Cardiologist for a check up for Atrial Fibrillation and even though my heart was in an irregular rhythm he suggested that I also see a Doctor who specializes in lung disorders. I told him I had had Bronchitis for a few months as my primary care Dr had given me anti-biotic which had not helped with my coughing.

The pulmanologist did a breathing test which I failed miserably, and also checked my pulse oxygen which was below 65. I was sent home with instructions to get on an oxygen machine at night and during the day if I needed. I was taken through a battery of test to determine if the coughing was caused from “silent reflux”, (which I had never heard of,) COPD, or tuberculosis . The upper GI showed a mild case of reflux but nothing that could contribute to my chronic cough. I was given steroids which helped but as soon as I got off the prednisone, I continued to get worse. The steroids raised my blood sugar which added another problem to have to deal with.; At least twice a week, I wet to the Doctor’s office in Little Rock, and begged him to put me in the hospital and give me answers as to why I was not responding to anything they did. They finally diagnosed me with Asthma and started treating me with inhalers, updraft machines, medications and oxygen. I found a window of time around 2-4 in the afternoon that I’d feel half descent. But my energy plummeted in the evening and by nightfall I was walking the floor trying to get easy. To sleep in the bed was impossible, and in a lounge chair was doable, but not really restful.

In the mean time, I began itching. An itch that came from within the deepest parts of my body. I was so miserable trying to satisfy the itching pain in that I caused bleeding. When I could lay down, the bed was spotted droplets of blood in several places where I had tried to lay. My feet itched, my eyes, my hands, my arms and legs. After a shower, I stayed red from any point of my body the towel had touched. The Lung specialist sent me to an allergy clinic to determine what my Asthma triggers were. No test they did showed anything. Cat hair, dog hair, dust, mold, ragweed and such was determined not to be any threat or trigger. They didn’t seem concerned about what allergic reaction I may have that brought on the itching. So it was back to square one.

In the mean time my heart began racing. I was rushed to the Hospital by ambulance. On the way my heart rate was 180 and climbing. I tried to will my self to die to get relief, I could not breath fast enough to keep up with my running heart. My Atrial Fibrillation was getting worse and medications were not helping anymore.

Then there were days I could not get out of a sitting position for screaming in pain. I had to have help getting from bed, or from a chair. My joints were so inflamed I dreaded moving even when necessary.

I started swelling. In a matter of hours or at least by the end of the day, my weight sky-rocked 10lbs or more. My feet swelled beyond what my skin could stretch. The skin broke and fluid oozed. I was ordered to stay totally off my feet for three days. One night while trying to find comfort I asked the Lord to show me what I had done (if indeed I had done anything) to cause my body to be in such condition.. I was open to anything He had to say. I had prayed, I called for prayer, my husband prayed, my children had prayed, I had called several ministries to have them pray. I felt so alone most days. Three years is a long time for friends and family to not see any signs of their prayers being answered and I felt everyone getting weary of my crying for help. I had started planning my final days. I knew in my heart of hearts that I would not live if I didn’t get better soon. The sound of going home was comforting, for I knew then I could be at rest.

During my prayer that night the Lord dropped into my spirit the name of a medication that I had been given for Arthritis. It had been taken off the market, but I had been given a new prescription, so I kept taking it. However when the Lord spoke the name to me, I knew immediately that it was part of my problem. When I went to the cardiologist the next day I told him what I had prayed and what the answer was. He opened his I-pod and looked for the side affects of the drug. There it was-swelling in the extremities was one among many.

It took several days for the swelling in my feet to go down. But I continued to cough, bleed, fight for breath and by now I was incontinent. I was still gaining fluid, not from the arthritis drug, but because my heart was not pumping right. I could not walk from one end of my house to the other without nearly passing out from exhaustion. Coughing, itching, on oxygen, heart racing and irregular, swelling, unable to do any normal duties without exhaustion. The Doctors agreed on only one thing, I had Asthma and AF.

When my irregular heart and the racing heart got worse and all the medicines were not controlling it, the cardiologist tried doing an ablation surgery. However after a few minutes of trying he turned to my family and said it was not something he could do and I’d have to go to Cleveland Ohio. The surgery I needed would take 7-8 hours and the Doctors would only schedule one a day, so getting an appointment would be about six months out, and until then I’d have to stay quiet and rest. They called the eventual surgery a “pulmonary vein isolation ablation.”

The Lord opened a door for me to go sooner, but to St. Louis instead of Cleveland. The surgery took 9 long hours. The Dr told the family that he had cauterized over 100 places in the pulmonary vein area before he could see any results from the irregularity. I stayed for several days before starting the 5 hour trip home to Arkansas. I was better for a few days, but a week or so later I started feeling the exhaustion from irregular heart rhythm and not being able to breath. I was still on Oxygen, my coughing was better, but the bleeding and itching was not. I checked into the heart hospital where they tried cardio-version to get my heart back in rhythm. It was great, I just knew I would feel better, but by breakfast the next morning, I was back in the racing irregular rhythm again. It would be several days before they would try the shock treatment again.

During the night my chest felt it would explode from pain and exhaustion. I could not count the beats per minute, it was too fast for me. I tried laying in the bed to get some rest. Momentarily I got up and went to my chair. Shortly I got up and started walking the floor. I was so tired, yet sleep wouldn’t come. I cried, walked and prayed. Then, there was a presence in my room. I got as still and quiet as possible. I was not afraid. There was no voice that spoke to me, however I had a knowing that this was the night I would die. I had called an ambulance so often, I’m sure my number was recognized, but as bad as I was, I did not call.

It was 1:30 in the morning. I did not want to call anyone out in the middle of the night again. I had been that route and the relief I received was never long lasting. This was the worst night of all the three years. I think I was so tired from fighting and trying to stay alive that I welcomed the “presence.” At first I thought it was the spirit of death. Now I’m sure it was not. From hindsight, I know it was my night for healing. I sat there thinking of my life. It is amazing where ones mind goes when death is imminent. I didn’t think of jobs I’d had, cars I’d driven, what I might leave my children, or what I’d be buried in.

Instead I thought about my life and prayed that my legacy might be...
“She was a friend of God.”
"She loved the Lord with all her heart".
“She was a woman of prayer”.
“She loved even the unlovely”.
"She was a good mother and wife."
“She grew old gracefully and sweetly.”
“Her counsel was good!”

I prayed that my life had somehow brought Glory to His Name, that I had not lived in vain. I reached for the Bible but could not read. I was too tired and weary to process anything I’d read anyway. I continued to fight for breath. Precious air to fill my lungs, all the time waiting for each breath to be the last. Again I was not afraid-only ready.

The next few moments are the most difficult for anyone to believe, but really it did happen just this way. Why? I cannot give a reason. I just know I reached for the TV remote control. I did it without thinking. Of all the restless nights I had had for three years, I had never done this before. It was 2:00 in the morning, I could not breath, my heart was racing and irregular, I was thinking of death, but I reached for the remote control! Does sound like a made-up story?

Momentarily the room lighted up with worship music from the Day Star Network The worship music was just that - no singing, only music. Music I knew and began to drink in. My voice would not let me sing; I had no breath to sing Instead I closed my eyes and listened as the words filled my listening ears. Momentarily, I had forgot about these being my last moments, I was being drenched in the Spirit. I opened my eyes to see scenery from creation.

Birds flying carelessly through the air.
A butterfly stopping occasionally to drink nectar from a flower.
A mountain where snow capped the top.
An eagle effortlessly gliding through the air.
Then a water fall. The sound of flowing water over the rocks seemed to wash away my pain.
An Ocean with waves softly rising then falling again as they rolled toward the shore.
A forest with the greenest of trees of every kind.
Clouds slowly floating through the deep blue peaceful sky.
A wheat field of golden rod hues swaying in a Kansas field, ready for harvest.

The music played on. I kept watching but mostly listening. My eyes blurred from the tears. The music was precious.

Then a scripture from Psalms came on the screen, not blocking the scenery behind it. I read the first one and begin to pray the Word.

“He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.” Psalm 107:29 (KJV

Then another:
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help...” Psalms 46:1

And Another:
“The eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy. To deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive in famine.” Psalms 33:18-19.

The Word was good - it was refreshing. I had been living on the Word that was hidden in my heart. This was nothing new, but it was fresh. It was bread from the ovens of Heaven. It came with anointing. It was going into the division of my soul and spirit like a sharp two edged sword.

“There is a river whereof shall make glad the city of God...” Psalms 46:4

I felt Him saying, He wasn’t through with me. There was someone else to reach, someone else to touch. I wanted to believe it, but at the time I was still gasping for breath.

“The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree, he shall grow like a cedar...Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God
“They shall still bring forth fruit in old age: they shall be fat and flourishing
“To show that the Lord is upright...” Psalms 92:12-13 KJV

I have an intrinsic desire for this generation of young people to know the God of truth. I long to see the fruit of their knowing the God I know and the Power He has. I am protective over them in my desire to see them taught by Godly teachers. Someone who has been with the Lord and is able to teach from first hand information, rather than what they heard or something someone wrote. So when Psalms 92 was making its way into my heart, I accepted that my job certainly wasn’t done. They must know that the Lord is upright...

Finally about 4am, I got up, turned the TV off, and lay down in my chair again exhausted and went to sleep. Now I remember that I was breathing better, at least the fluid build up was not as prevalent. I still had the Oxygen going. I knew I felt better but had not comprehended what happened the two hours I had just experienced.

The story continues, but for the sake of space, I’ll tell you the end of the story. That was August 2, 2005. Today is almost 17 months later. I have not had to use Oxygen since that night. I am off ALL heart medication, and each visit the Doctors takes me off more. My blood pressure is normal. My health is better than it has been in many years, and thus I‘m feeling better. Allergies to medications were causing Asthma like symptoms. I am free of all traces of Asthma. I am learning of the scope of God’s Love more and more. There were many lessons learned during the illness, in fact God always teaches us through every situation when we watch for Him around each bend in the road.