excuse me, but this was just a relapse

lets face it I dont belong here.
lets take me to a place where I dont exsist.
theres no point of living or even evne trying to pretend.
they tell me you can take my happiness but you can't my joy.
I feel as though I have no joy these days
so what would be the point
I'm breathing, but am I living
I dreaming, but am I alive.
I feel so cold and out of touch,
nothing matters, I dont want it to.
I don't want to be sad, I don't want to have emotion.
I want nothing, nothing is all I ask for.
everyone wants to give me something else, and it makes me want to scream.
I have no pretty words.
I have no metaphors.
all I have is reality.
all I have is what is real.
I can't feel laughter, I can't feel for that matter.
I am numb.
I have been worn down.
Your words hurt me.
I hear them.
not just once, but all the time.
its killing me.
slowly, I will disapear.
I may not be dead, but it will good enough.
and then maybe I'll finally see you smile.