My Farewell Ride (Luctus Viduitas)

The words flew with angel wings through the headphones and melted inside his ears. Sounds too beautiful to speak. Difficult enough just to breathe. He sat naked in the floor of his dark room. The only light, a deep orange glow coming every so often from the space heater kicking back on, thawing the chill that held him motionless in front of it.

There was a newly half emptied bottle of wine somewhere near him. He felt around blindly, hand attacking the carpet nearest him. He stared into the heater, never blinking, mind numb to time and space. All that existed was a song on repeat and a glow that climaxed a fiery bright orange then snuggled down to a fizzled candlelight. He could almost still see the heater after it went out, the picture of it practically burned into his retinas against the shadows surrounding him.
 
The bottle! His hand tipped it over, splashing a bit of blood rich red onto the carpet. Clumsily clasping the long neck he raised and poured another glass, then swirled it under his nose before he gulped it down. He no longer had the capacity to taste it. The song came to a near end for the thirteenth time tonight.

“… I can’t take my eyes off of you.
I can’t take my eyes off you.
I can’t take my eyes off you…”

He smiled briefly while salty tears streamed down his cheeks. Licking the sides of his lips, he tasted the bitter product of his anguish. His head slowly shook back and forth in denial as it lowered until his chin rested on a sagging chest. Spirit finally broken and defeated.

Eyes opening and staring into the flames before him, he ever so gently whispered to the night, “I miss you…” then coughed and spat, ran a forearm under his nose wiping tearful snot, vigorously sniffling the rest. “…My darling,” he barely got the words out.

His fingers slowly wrapped themselves around the Smith & Wesson in his lap. Raised it to his ear. And squeezed.

The song continued to echo through the night, delivered by a single side of some shattered headphones, lying in a pool of red.

“…I can’t take my mind off of you.
I can’t take my mind off you.
I can’t take my mind off you…”