God and Fred English

God and Fred English
By Eric Z Fox

Narrator: (Note) Ten minutes ago Fred English died. He had a massive coronary breach but no, don’t fret to badly he was sleeping deeply. Yet when Saint John opened the massive ethereal gates of heaven to him, he knew it was real. So he did exactly as he had always planed if he made to eternity. He walked up to God’s secretary (a rather large and snooty Gregorian Angel) and made an appointment to speak with God. And that’s where this tale begins.

Fred: Thanks so much for seeing me God. I mean my G… gosh only a ten minute wait.

God: Why yes Fred it is heaven. You didn’t expect a wait like at Space Mountain did you? Any how Fred how may I help you? I figured you’d be out exploring the endless expanse of eternity.

Fred: Well yes I’ll get to that after all I do have eternity. Anyways God…. Well should I call you that I mean you know do you prefer Jesus or Jehovah or I don’t know maybe Allah or Buddha?

God: What ever you feel comfortable with son.

Fred: Um, yes of course. Anyways I was wondering why I was Brought into the gates. I mean I was a good guy I guess. Well at least most often I tried but I definitely am not a saint.

God: Yea Fred you defiantly are not a saint but saintliness is not the only way to ensure a heavenly destination. A good atheist whom never once in his life had faith in me is just as eligible as you Fred. Who not only believed in me but hollered at me insistently. [Fred burns with embarrassment.]
         But really it’s what causes a man to go to hell. Let me tell you the story of Quinn Danker. Quinn was a killer a very brutal killer that enjoyed only two things. Killing, people just any person that happened to cross his path. Also Quinn loved the Yo-yo. Unfortunately Quinn was not the brightest light in the chandelier and the Houston Police Department caught Quinn and Quinn was sentenced to die.
         Quinn knowing his demise was coming accepted Jesus into his heart. By Christian definition, your Christian right Fred, Quinn is forgiven and should enter those gates you just entered. But NO Quinn is in hell. When he got there he thought he was in paradise because the most beautiful jewel incrusted Yo-yo was the first thing he saw. But no matter how hard and how skilled Quinn was with the toy he could not get it to recede.
Does that help?

Fred: Um…Kind of but I have another quick question…Which religion is right?

Narrator: Smiling God answered.

God: None of them goodness is the way to my court.

Narrator: After that Fred thanked God and left his office where he ran into Saint Michael the Archangel.

Mike: Fred how ya doing, whatcha think of the big guy?

Fred: Well really Mysterious and kind of windy but all that I expected.