A Unicorn's Secret

“Unicorn, unicorn, prancing amidst the trees, your beauty brings the world to its gentle knees! Unicorn, unicorn, look at your white coat daintily glow. You are more majestic than the first Winter’s snow! Unicorn, unicorn, surrounded by maidens gay! How do you lure so many out in the middle of the day? Unicorn, unicorn, where have you gone this night? Come back my magical friend, and bathe me in your light!”

“Sing that song again and I will cut your tongue out.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“I loathed it.”

“But, why? You’re a unicorn! You should love a song about yourself!”

“It’s hardly true. I don’t bring the world to its knees, my white coat doesn’t daintily glow, I don’t bathe anyone in light or period for that matter, and I most certainly -without a doubt- do not prance.”

“Are you sure? Cause that looked like prancing back there.”

“I tripped on a branch. That was all. Why are you still following me anyways?”

“You’re a beautiful, mystical creature! A unicorn! I am so mesmerized by your beauty that I must follow you wherever you go. I will follow you across the land, through the forest, deep into the ocean, over the sky, into the heavens, under…”

“You’re male, though. Males don’t follow me. Only females. Hence that was the only thing right in your song. You know… you should write a song about that! That would be a very cool song!”

“About males not following you?”

“Gah no! About females being attracted to my good looks.”

“What about everything else in my song, though? Why didn’t you like it?”

“I’m a male unicorn… I want to be… masculine! All that other stuff made me sound like my sister or something. I don’t prance… I… gallop through the forest like thunder! And the world doesn’t fall to its gentle knees around me. It… jumps with excitement upon my arrival! And my coat doesn’t daintily glow, it…burns brilliantly like a star! And I don‘t bathe people… besides the ones I dislike… and that‘s not light I‘m washing them with, if you get my meaning.”

“That sounds like a decent song I guess, save the last fact. Tell me, this whole maidens following you - why does that happen, anyways?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“I’m a songwriter.”

“So no… I’ll tell you it anyways cause I‘m bored. Come closer… closer still…”

“Ow!”

“Ha! That’s the secret!”

“Hitting me with your horn is the secret?”

“No, you idiot. The horn itself is the secret!”

“It is a nice horn.”

“Why thank you… hey, don’t touch! I don’t know where your filthy hands have been! Now I will have to polish it when I get home. Typical human. Anyways, the horn is what attracts the ladies. It gives off a scent that women can not resist.”

“Really?”

“Actually no. I just poke guys with it if they appear. Eventually they leave.”

“Ow, stop that! Get away from me!”

“That’s it, run sucker!”





Written for:

ID: 941862   (Rated: 18+) The Dialogue 500: IT'S BACK, BABY!  Stories 500 words or less, written only in dialogue. New prompt for May 2012! by ~j

Prompt: I have noticed that women seem to have an affinity with unicorns in a lot of Fantasy Literature. I'm not quite sure why this is. There are very few references of men and unicorns. Perhaps you can explain it to me in this next prompt between a human (male or female) and a Unicorn.