Pegasus Would Be His Wingman

“Hey..!  What happened?!”

“Sorry, man. She got wise.”

“She got-- Waddaya mean she got wise?!”

“She got wise! She wasn’t falling for it!”

“So you let her walk away?!”

“She was gonna mace me!”

“Oh, c’mon, no she wasn’t.”

“Were you there? Did you see her reach into her purse?”

“A’right, a’right...”

“...Thing was as big as a frikkin fire extinguisher...”

“A’right! Look... I’m sorry. Why wasn’t she buying it?”

“Well, for starters, she saw you hiding in the bushes...”

“She saw me?!”

“You were twenty feet away! Wearing a bright red shirt, way-to-blend there, genius...”

“Hey, shut up, I got a little over-eager.”

“Yeah, well, it showed. I’m not doing this for you anymore, man.”

“WHAT?! Nono, y-you gotta...”

“Uh-uh. You’re on your own, my friend. I got my own problems.”

“Oh, please, like what?”

“Excuse me?! Are YOU an endangered species? Are people hunting YOUR ass into extinction?”

“Gawd... always with the-- You’re a horse with a spike on his head, for godsake--”

“Don’t start with that spike shit, it’s a horn, okay? I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, respect the horn...”

“...never shut up about the damn--”

“RESPECT THE HORN!!!”

“A’right, I RESPECT the horn already! Look... all I’m saying is... it’s tough, okay? I’m not the best looking guy in the world. Women don’t flock to me like they would -- oh, say -- a UNICORN! Chicks dig you, man! Only way I’ll ever get a date is with your help!”

“See... No. And I’ll tell you why: A) Women stopped falling for the Lost Puppy bit back when guys were still using puppies. B) I’ve got women troubles of my own, and helping you sure as hell aint helping me.”

“What possible trouble could you have with women? They love you.”

“Dude, look at me. Look at me!”

“What?! You’re gorgeous..!”

“Exactly! I’m pretty! Chicks dig me because I’m pretty! They don’t look at me the way they’d look at-at Black Beauty, or friggin Silver!”

“Black Beauty was a pansy--”

“Black Beauty was a GOD, okay? Black Beauty got PLAY. I get played WITH. ‘Oh, Uni, let me braid your mane.’ ‘Uni, let me tell you all about Prince Charming,’ ‘Uni, you’re such a good friend.’”

“Damn, dude...”

“And those’re just the humans! I’m one of the last of my kind, man! I wanna mate, I gotta try to convince the mares of the world I’m not one of them! You’re human, so you may not know this... but I LOOK like a GIRL, okay? A pack-horse could kick my ass!”

“At least you’ve got looks, man! You know what I’d give to look as good as you?”

“Well, you’re off to a really good start with the red silk...”

“Why? What’s wrong with the red silk--”

“WHAT?? I can’t hear you over your shirt..!”

“Oh, very funny, Unitard.”

“Okay, see? Now’s when I hurt you...”

“Hey, wha-- Ow! No-- Ow!”

“RESPECT THE HORN!”

“No fair! Y-- Ow! You’re naturally armed! No fair!”