Dust Bunnies, Bed Bugs, and Other Myths

One must never underestimate a Dust Bunny. Yes, their fluffy lint-like fur can be oh-so-soft, but, deadly? Absolutely! Have you never seen a victim of a fresh Dust Bunny attack? Let me enlighten you.

The first time I ever witnessed the results of an attack, was the summer I turned ten. Yes, it was a tender age for me, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Earlier in the day I had made my bed and straightened up my room, but neglected to dust or vaccuum. Mom always told me I would get the dreaded Dust Bunnies, but I didn't believe her! It had to be a ruse, a lie to scare me into the drudgery of housework.

I spent the day carefree; went to the movies with friends, even went to dinner with the parents, but that fatefull night, when I opened the door to my room, oh! The horror, the absolutely gruesome destruction and consummate evil were almost enough to have my parents put me into couseling.

Yes, the evil Dust Bunnies had gotten to my lovely Teddy! His beautiful fiber filling had been shamelessly stolen from his plump little body. Small, strategic stab wounds made to his hand-stitching had completely severed his gently smiling face from his torso and his poor little paws! Yes, the Dust Bunnies had even stolen his honey pot from his delicate finger-tips, a true horror!

Little bits of brown fur were strewn about the bed, white, fluffy guts tossed hither and yon! Wretched little creatures, Dust Bunnies. They lie in wait in the dark corners of our lives, just hoping for opportunities to run amok! They prey on pink unicorns, lovely little pandas and many other wonderful things like blankies, favorite pillows, down comforters and don't forget the socks! My how they love to steal socks!

So, if ever you forget to vaccuum or dust or pick up behind yourself and one of your beloved childhood friends comes up missing, better look to the corners and under the bed, in the back of the closet or up in the attic because that's where they hide, that's where they lie in wait. It only takes one afternoon of bliss to lose the softest teddies anywhere.

Oh, but pardon my tears, I truly thought I was over that, though I suppose one can never be absolutely over losing a perfectly good teddy bear, no matter how many years have passed! Ahem. Now, what other questions did you need answering?

A Bed Bug? Ah, yes, another of the Devil's minions. The worst one I ever saw was down in Florida, a completely awful creature. I had just checked into a motel of the worst sort, no other was available, and began putting my things away. I set my suitcase on the bed and suddenly it was swallowed whole!

At first, I didn't realise what had happened, but when I stepped back and got a good look at the bed, I knew it to be a Bed Bug in disguise as a real bed! It was a fierce creature! A full four-postered, bed-ruffle flounced Queen and was she in a mood! Her headboard belied her evil intent, imitation carvings of cupids and angels laying upon frothy clouds to lure some innocent onto her soft pillows! Oh, yes, the Queen was a lusty one, with a big appetite and matching uhh, needs!

I went to the left while she circled round, making the most embarrasing noises and occasionally bumping the walls with her great headboard. Several neighboring room's occupants knocked quite briskly, assuming there was a dance of an entirely different nature going on in my room!

Yes, Bed Bugs are very good at their imitations, let me tell you! This Queen even fooled me for a moment into thinking I was in the middle of an orgy, so real were her groans, squeals, and thumps. Ah, could get blood to rise in a mummy this Queen could!

I did eventually make it out alive, and the Bed Bug was taken almost without further incident. It seems she was allergic to flannel and I had two pairs of flannel pajamas in my suitcase, they were her undoing!

Now, of course, before I lay anything on a bed, I toss something on it first, usually flannel, and have found many have the same aversion to the fabric, so...always carry your flannel with pride, I always say!

Now, on to other issues, such as the Night Mares. Another dark creature designed to steal away precious memories. Yes, many a person has lost precious sleep when these Mares come calling. they swoop in, black manes blending in with the darkest night, and leap right into your dreams.

Once there, they gallop around causing mischief and mayhem. An experienced Mare can take a princess dream and turn it right into a drudging, never-ending work day. And don't let that make you think they won't take a prize-fighter's winning dream and make it into the worst pounding ever, oh no. They are an equal opportunity Night Mare union, I can tell you!

Yes, my aunt Matilda, who used to be my uncle Matt by the way, has had run-in's with the Night Mares on both sides of the spectrum, for example, one particularly expert Night Mare turned Matt's dream of becoming a woman into a Bobbit-style surgery complete with Martha Stewart play-by-play action on the side! There were comments made on everything from same-size stitching to over-enlarged breasts and...

Well, you get the picture, right? Of course you do! So, as anyone who knows from experience will tell you, the only true way to scare off a Night Mare is to keep a Stud Muffin beside you for emergency use.

What do you mean, what's a Stud Muffin? Well, your favorite muffin amped up on studs, of course! You're so silly with some of these questions! You were joking, right? Right. Aha, oh, you pulled one over on me that time! Yeah, that was a good one.

Now, on to Blog Boggs. These are almost as bad as Writer's Blocks, they're related you know. You didn't? Well they are, like bears and dogs, distant cousins. A Blog Bogg will block daily routines into minute portions which most people are forced to write down into their blogs day after day after day. A sad state of affairs and similar in dastardly mahem as the Writer's Blocks which become stacked so high against authors they stay blocked from their muses for long periods at a time, sometimes even weeks and months!

Fortunately, life is full of just enough interesting events that the Blocks eventually tumble over and Boggs dry up or run out of space and we get on with our lives. Yes, these are on the lower end of the viscious scale of nasty legends, but still annoying and distracting to say the least. The very least!

Hmm, what other types of interest do you have? All you have to do is ask, and I will answer...