The Realization Of A Dream

I started out by writing an e-mail and, then, realized that it was developing into a piece of writing that I wanted to share, so I'm sharing it here.

Because I've grown older without a husband, I've also gotten used to having personal space. Russell--who spent (with little exception) 44 years in adult prison and, even in childhood, never had much that he could call his own--celebrates his ability to have personal space, too, and isn't ready to give that up.

When I was younger, of course, I wanted the average American Dream of sharing my space with a husband and anywhere from one to a dozen (or even more) kids. I wanted this so badly that I could taste it.

Because I'm a godmother and second parent, I've experienced a taste of motherhood over the years. Even Russell has gotten a taste of being a dad during his years in prison, because he has mentored so many young inmates. Two of them have been Native Americans named Yatzee with one of those young men (back when they were both serving time in Florence, Colorado) becoming especially close to him.

Since both of them were being moved around the same time--Russell to the outside and Yatzee to another institution--he has lost track of him and believes that he'll, likely, never see him again during this lifetime. However, I've made it one of my personal dreams that he will. I can't promise anything, but I can certainly promise to try to see that this happens.

Anyway, I've had this kind of dream that was pulling me in two directions in recent years. In one direction, I was feeling set in my ways with lots of goals and dreams that are better realized as a single person. Yet, I still had this longing for "someday" finding that special man with whom to share my life. I had come to the conclusion that I would, likely, taste marriage as a very old lady but that, for now, I would simply have to be happy for others who had found this kind of love and would live romantically through them.

Then, I met Russell!

It all started out as an invitation to visit someone's website. I'd assumed that it was some kind of website on how to make money online that had been designed by some young man of high school or college age. I went there to be encouraging--as well as to learn of some sites of that sort that might be of interest to me.

What a wonderful surprise met my eyes!

This was a website with all kinds of information about homelessness, senior citizens, and criminal justice. It covered how young people were being allowed to slip through the cracks of society.

I was amazed to find out that the founder and architect of this site had spent 44 years of his adult life in prison and decided right off that I wanted him in my life--though I reassured him that this wasn't a pick-up line, and he told me that he knew that it wasn't.

And it wasn't a pick-up line at the time! I simply meant that this guy was a real find to me, because he and I were so much on the same page. I thought that we would make a dynamic duo when it came to turning the world upside down, shaking it up, and setting it on fire.

When did liking begin to turn to loving and loving begin to turn to falling in love? It's hard to say. I think for me was when we were on the phone talking and he was telling me about his stuffed dog, Rascal. Somehow, that just touched a special place in my heart to where I began to develop a crush on this guy.

There came a point to where I wanted us to be CyberMarried.

Although there was at least a mutual-crush-worth of romantic attraction going on between us, our CyberMarriage wasn't originally meant to be more than a celebration of our coming together in friendship and dreams.

We have been officially CyberMarried since Monday, February 19, 2007!

A contest came up where I was to write something based on a prompt consisting of a quote, and I knew right off that the quote had Russell and me written all over it--meaning that the poem would, too...

"To Russell With Love" 

Not long after that, another poem followed--one showing even more intensity than the first one...

"Entwining Blooms (To Russell)" 

Right now, I can't see that far into the future, but I know that it will be a future of continued friendship and teamwork.

It isn't all that unrealistic to imagine that, somewhere on the road ahead, Russell and I will celebrate what we have together with a traditional wedding day--much like I've described in the second poem--and will join our bodies with the same beauty that we have already joined our hearts, minds, and souls.

Yet, we will--for the most part--bloom where we have been planted, loving across the span of miles and meeting for rendezvous whenever it feels right to us.

When I used to dream of the ideal marriage, it was never a long-distance one. It was two people in one happy home going to sleep in each others' arms at night and waking to the dawn of a new day to celebrate together.

It was a lot like the beautiful description given in the song by Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young called Our House and that oldie-but-goodie done by several people called My Blue Heaven.

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Hoosier, and Indiana's my home, while Russell wants to eventually settle in the dry-heat climate of Arizona.

Will it be enough for us to share physical closeness as an occasion instead of a daily event?

I believe that quality is more important than quantity, if there can't be both, and I know that we have a bond of spiritual love that can't be broken even by the greatest distance!

At the moment, it doesn't even matter about the future, because what we have now is enough. He's my heart, and I'm his--and, across a span of miles, a cactus and a sycamore tree embrace, and the world becomes more beautiful!

One final note...anyone reading this who isn't already familiar with Russell , please read him here and visit his website:

http://www.freewebs.com/russellonline/