Have We Met Before?

When I looked over at her, I had no idea who she was, or why she was dead. I am not that kind of guy. I don't drink too much. In fact, I rarely drink at all. I don't go out slumming or bar hopping, looking for women to date rape or even put the rush on and certainly not to murder. I just want a nice girl for a nice date, but there I was, in the early morning, on a roof top somewhere in Chicago, and the girl beside me was absolutely cold, dead. I must have done something, but all I remember is undressing and going to sleep on the roof top where it was cool.

I want you to know I've never seen a dead body before, so I felt I was in quite a predicament.. As dead bodies go, this one was not bad. The skin was a little pale, and there was a tiny trickle of blood behind her left ear. Where the rest of the blood went, I had no idea. The lady had no clothes on. Unfortunately, neither did I. There is just a thin sheet over us, protecting us from the elements. Elements? I needed protection from the police. I heard sirens in the distance, and my heart began to race.

I jumped up and got my legs twisted in the sheet, pulling it further down her body. Oh my God, her legs had been cut off. No wonder she was pale. Where was the rest of her? I pulled the sheet completely off and wrapped it around me, trying to think straight. Where was I and who was she? What had I done. I surely didn't kill her. I didn't even have a headache. Don't people who kill and then forget every detail have headaches? Where is Koontz when I need him?

I looked around for my clothing. Nothing. Just the sheet. She looked so pitiful, pathetic really, lying there, so I changed my mind and put the sheet back over her and looked around for something to wear. I spied a doorway at the other end of the roof. Maybe I could find something there. With one hand over my eyes to shield them from the sun and the other over ... well, you can guess where it was... I headed for the doorway. I could feel a sunburn coming on.

I was dizzy. I was confused. Just as I felt myself begin to faint, I heard loud laughter. "Happy birthday, Chuck old man." My co-workers ran out from behind the closed door onto the roof top, and they were all grinning like idiots. I had to stop and think. Maybe my mother was right. Maybe working for the special effects department of Scare Them Right Productions is not the best job in the world.

The lovely dead lady is made of latex and plastic. Her breasts have been sculpted and she looks like an angel, well, half an angel. For heaven's sakes, will someone find her legs!



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