The Great Tasty Yeast Caper

THE GREAT TASTY YEAST CAPER

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         The year was probably around 1935, I was a little kid about eight years old and it was during those halcyon years before all hell broke loose in Europe.

          I lived in Hamilton Square, New Jersey. If you never heard of it don't feel bad. Most everybody on earth never heard of it. It's still there but they dropped the 'Square' from the name sometime during the sixties when nobody wanted to be square.

         Situated six miles east of Trenton, Hamilton Square boasted three churches, a general store, a bank and a drugstore. There were three cemeteries located at and around the three churches, as obviously you can't bury a Methodist in a Presbyterian cemetery. He would never fit in. Not that most of the Methodists knew exactly what they disagreed with the Presbyterians about, but they were pretty sure there was something. We all knew the beef the Baptists had with the Methodists concerned sprinkling versus dunking when it came to baptism. Anyhow the town had three blocks in those days and each block had a church and cemetery.

         Everybody in town knew everybody else. If you can imagine a time without television and without computers and pretty much without money, that would be those days in Hamilton Square. The main employer in town was the rubber mill that was shut down most of the time on account of the Depression.

         We had a radio in the house. We got it when I was about six. In the daytime we listened to WTNJ, which stood for Trenton New Jersey. They gave the news, weather and this and that all day. And there were commercials, lots of commercials.

         One of the products advertised was Tasty Yeast. Tasty Yeast was a candy bar covered in chocolate that contained yeast. It was marketed as a delicious confection and as a cure for acne. They even had a jingle. Someone sang:

Tasty Yeast is tempting
To your appetite,
Something something simething
Try a luscious bite!

         Of course I was curious about it since I heard on the radio how good it tasted and how it cured pimples and was very good for your health. But I stayed curious because the little bars cost ten cents. And they were very small. You could get a nice big Hershey bar for a nickel.

         The Tasty Yeast purveyors hit upon a marketing scheme. They began talking about a 'Marvelous Kitchen Appliance' that could be had for sending in six Tasty Yeast wrappers. We were told day after day 'you will wonder how you ever did without it.' They didn't tell you what this marvel looked like but they said it was good for stirring cake batter whipping eggs, and all sorts of things. Day after day we heard about it in the familiar down home voice of the all day announcer whose first name was Graham. I forget what his last name was. He had the kind of voice you believed. And curiosity increased. We speculated that it must be some kind of eggbeater. We already had an eggbeater.

         My father was curious but for a long time he was not about to spend sixty-three cents to find out. Considering that it was a time when many people worked for about a quarter an hour and forty cents an hour was 'good money,' this was hardly extreme frugality. But day-by-day Graham's soft persuading voice got to him. Sixty cents for a little box of candy bars and three cents for a stamp to send the wrappers to WTNJ began to seem like a fair price for this wonderful gadget.

         So Daddy brought home a box of Tasty Yeast bars. My curiosity was about to be satisfied! That day at supper I gobbled up my vegetables so I could have the treat that was to come. With trembling fingers I tore off the wrapper revealing the chocolate covered morsel within. I took a bite.

         How can I describe the taste? Did your parents ever give you a big spoonful of milk of magnesia? Well Tasty Treat wasn't that good. But it was close.

         Maybe it was a miracle cure for the acne, but I am sure nobody ever ate enough of it to find out. We had trusted Graham and his coaxing gentle voice! How could he lie to us like that? Teach you to believe in advertising!

         I'm not sure how we managed to use it up, but in those days if something cost sixty cents you didn't waste it. My father who seldom made a mistake about anything was chagrined that he had been lured into this one. Live and learn.

         So we sent in for the 'Marvelous Kitchen Appliance.' Daddy had already spent the sixty cents so he might as well put out three more cents and have something out of it.

         For many days we waited. Day after day no package came. Day after day I trudged to the post office thinking 'surely today -- '; but no. We had about decided the whole thing was a scam and no package was coming. Then at last it arrived!

         I wanted to tear it open then and there but Mother put it on the table and said it was addressed to Daddy and we would have to wait. There it was, on the table all day long. I knew Daddy would work while the light lasted, and in the summer, what with Daylight Saving Time, the light lasted long into the evening. Mother told me, "Don't jump on him the minute he's in the door. At least let him have his ice tea and sit for a while."

         But Daddy was as curious as I was. I stood on tiptoe watching his big hands undo the box and pull out something wrapped in brown paper.

         And there it was! The 'Marvelous Kitchen Appliance' we would wonder how we ever did without! It was made of coiled wire, in the shape of an ice cream scoop. The wire formed a handle and a bowl and that was it. Probably the most useless item ever carried by the US mail.

         Daddy turned it over and over looking at it in disbelief. They he tossed it on the table and walked away.

         At least we were not alone. All over town the 'Marvelous Kitchen Appliances ' were arriving. A lot pf people learned one thing that day. That one thing was not to believe in advertising.

         Actually the following spring we did find one use for it. It was useful for dipping hard-boiled eggs into Easter egg dye.

          I still see them occasionally on flea market tables. I bought one myself for old times' sake. I paid a dollar for it. Inflation.