My Life

Confusion surounds me where ever i go. i dont understand my life any more and i dont know what is important to me. my life is a living hell and it makes me wonder if im alive. each day i wake up and it is the same thing. ROUTINE! ROUTINE! ROUTINE! my life is soooo predictable and as the same am i. i feel that i am a treible person and that nobody should like me bu i realize at the same time that this is all in my head. Why is this happening to me? i stay up all trying to figure out what is wrong with my head. but when i finally find out, i dont want to admit to it. i am writing this in the deperate attempt that somebody will see this and atleast remotly relate to what i am going through. sometimes i feel as if there is nothing worth livng for and then i can think a million reason and i feel bad because i have a reason to live i just dont want to. i want to be done with this...... i am so confused. the only place in which i find solace is my music. there, nothing can bother me and i feel invincible.... my thoughts are swirling through my so fast that i cant even think. even as i sit here nd try and write this, i cant. i dont know what to say because i cant think... which makes me feel even more crazy, like i cant conrol myself, that my life is out of my hands. this terrifies me to no end because i dont want to bee like. i want to be in control of who i am and what i do.... but yet all the time i feel as if im doing what is expected of me. i dont expeact anyone to care or even take the chance to read this because frankly, i wouldnt either if it wasnt me . and that is what i hate about myself.