Myself the Psychic Voices & the LampPost

Myself, the Psychic Voices, and the Lamp~Post
by Amriel

Like some little~girls, Valentina was sick~with~guilt concerning being non~extant in a relative~time where a shower was more important than a meal~of~food.  Ofttimes she could be found in the beauty~supplies~aisle of a grocery~store staring at a bottle of Suave brand conditioner, wishing more than anything that she had $1.07 (and at the same~time positive that she was in all~of~creation the singular possessor of such a personality idiosyncrasy).  “And when she cried!” she cried, and those soft, coarse buckets that never behooved themselves to 'nee 'ear that in those self~same times; as it were, relatively~windling~ness is not (non~realtively~nearer than that could [when a test~of~such ((could re~veal the veracity of a reasonable construation that)) it was]) true, but the opposite.  "Oh!, and those tempest~tossed~shores!  Speak to me more of relatively~windling!" she continued; then cut~the~conversation~short, but not as if to say something (not on this one here).  And while she possessed girly of these self~same characteristics (in~themselves) in~herself, it is not not the purpose of this narrative to expound upon~such here (sic, on~account [again of reasonable construation, but in this case specifically] of redundancy [but on this one the conditionality hinges upon whether ((or relatively~whether)) you understand what I am attempting to communicate]).  “If I remember my religion correctly,” Valentina said to herself in what was a cry that was in~itself an exclamation of relief, “it is not an image I am supposed to be enamored~with, but the illusion ‘in~it~self’.” “And further~more,” she continued, “if what John F. Kennedy said is right then how can people not see a connection between the Tower of Babel and the building of parking~garages...in other words, not the proverbial ‘apples~and~oranges’ but not not a case of ‘if I have something nice to say’ because it (in~itself) takes precedence? OHH! I am SO CONFUSED! Sigh...” a fear hit her of being construed as angry; so Valentina ran to the church in the rain, collapsing on the front~steps of~such, desperately remembering the time Hooter and she drank bottles of high alcohol~concentrated beer. “The self~referentiality of ‘judgmentational’ is remarkably~significant” Valentina spoke to herself (in a non~psychic voice that was also non~audible) in what was not~sarcasm; and this would be a surprise to noone (sic), as there was in fact no~conspiracy against~her. “Some trust in sarcasm, some trust in using a dog as a representational~model (to explain all of this), but I will put my trust in the words of Jesus Christ” Valentina exclaimed to herself in relief (as well as a bastardization of King David’s psalm) as she smashed the bottle of St. Ides malt liquor against the cement~railing of the church~steps.  This was the place that she has still no idea that Hooter almost proposed (marriage) to her once.  They had sat there on those steps in front of the cathedral, on that concrete~veranda, she contemplating the punk~rock (that some would have called “indie~rock”) show wherein she had shot~heroin with the members of a quite~famous act, having sex with one of the members thereof as~well, Hooter (the ‘other~she’ [who was not fully aware of this, perhaps because of an herbal~remedy “relatively~correctly” utilised ((on~account in IT~self of a lack of reasonable~purpose))]) not contemplating much of anything (as has just been explained).  Valentina was becoming quite fond of shooting~heroin, using a hypodermic~syringe to “hop herself up”, enjoying the sensation that it brought.  The proposed~propopsal had not become efficacious as the door to the church was locked; therefore the pre~nuptial couple had no way to gain entrance.  All of this Valentina was unaware~of as the top came off the beer~bottle, and did~this prove that Albert Einstein was correct about the relativity of time?  After~all, she had not yet in a chronological~perpspective of~such even drunk the beer, yet she was in a state of ignorance of Hooter’s wedding~plans.  “I love you, lamp~post!” Valentina cried, in a rare~glimpse into the animistic~world, not ascribing anthropomorphic~characterisitics to the object in a paranoid “relatively~correct” heavenucination, but truly “see~ing” the spirit moving~within.  “And I love you, too!” the lamp~post smiled, in reply.