Glass Pens

I need to get out. I can’t think with all this noise, he thought to himself. There wasn’t actually any noise in the house with his brother Rob gone for the day but he needed something to clear his head. Kyle hadn’t done hardly any writing that day. He was struggling to make it as a famous author… especially when he was neither famous nor an author- at least not yet.

It was a beautiful day out. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the air was crisp. It should be perfect weather for writing a masterpiece but not for Kyle. He preferred the rainy days, filled with raging thunderstorms. Storms so colossal they level trees and sweep through unsuspecting trailer parks. But this was the weather they were given today so it would have to do.

He threw a jacket on (just in hopes it may rain) and began walking down his comfortable, quiet street. Rounding the corner, he came upon a small shop. He knew that it had been opened only recently. He nearly passed it up but a sign caught his eye. “Grand Opening Sale on Pens, Paper, and Journals!” Hmm. A lover of writing supplies- well, all office supplies actually- it intrigued him. He put his hand in his pocket pulling out a few ones. Well, let’s see what they have to offer.

The door chimed his arrival merrily. And for good reason, it seemed as if he were the only customer the store had seen that day. He milled around the store until he found the shelf of office supplies that were the object of the Grand Opening Sale! He perused through. So many types of paper, so many beautiful leather bound journals. So many… pens. As a writer, he always carried a pen. He was kind of a requirement for a writer. Much like a mechanic keeps tools in his truck or a doctor keeps a kit in his car, a writer keeps a pen in his back pocket.

But not just any pens would do. He was very particular about the pens he would use. They had write smoothly. Thin lines but not too thin. Soft grip but not rubber covered. They had to be unique but not gaudy. Just as others collected stamps, rocks, or shot glasses, Kyle collected pens.

They weren’t well organized, this store. All these beautiful pens were thrown carelessly into a plastic tub. How disrespectful to the craft these instruments honed. Very thoughtfully, he sifted through the tub until he found it. The Pen. It was almost as though it spoke to him. It was made of glass with the length of a pencil and the width of and index finger. The glass was swirled with blue and if you tipped it a certain way, the blue changed into a translucent purple with forest green shadows. It was the most incredible pen he had ever seen and he was sure this was his ticket out of the dark world called Writer’s Block.

He immediately paid for the pen and left. This time he smiled as the door chimed his goodbye. He began to walk the path to his home when he felt a few drops. He looked up into the sky and saw the dark clouds begin to roll in. He jogged the rest of the way back, arriving just before the sky let loose with a mighty roar of thunder.
He ran into the house excited, a thousand ideas for stories, articles, and novels washed over him like a swarm of bees. He went straight to his writing space, as he called it. All it really was, was a old recliner, a bedside table with a broken wheel, and a milk crate of notebooks with his coffee cup of pens. As the thunder growled and rolled, ideas poured out of him. He was suddenly a fountain of fortune- writing fortune. He began, what he was sure would be, the greatest novel ever written.

He continued this furious writing until he was startled by Rob’s voice. “Shit, man. It’s raining like hell out there.”

Kyle barely looked up, “Mmm hmm.”

“Cool pen, man. Where’d you get it?” Rob took the pen out of Kyle’s hand who snatched it back immediately. Rob looked at him strangely. “Dude, what the hell?”

“Sorry. I just got it today and it’s helping me overcome my writer’s block.” He hoped that would be enough explanation so that he could get back to work.

“Whatev, Kyle. I’m going to fix something to eat. You hungry?” Rob, at 18 was still the epitome of jock. He and Kyle were brothers by blood but that was as far as the relationship went. Kyle was older by three years but Rob was always the bigger one. In high school, Rob was captain of the football team and Kyle was on the chess team. Rob was voted Most Popular, Kyle was voted Quietest. They were polar opposites but lived together for the convenience of it.

“Nah, I’m fine. I’ve got work to do.”

“Suit yourself, bro. I’m going to watch the rest of Lost.”

Kyle barely heard him shut the bedroom door, as he was already engrossed back in his work.

The next morning, Kyle woke up in his recliner. He must have drifted off while writing. He didn’t even remember putting his head down. He stretched, his body aching from being in the same position all night. He grabbed some clothes and jumped in the shower letting the hot water soothe his strained back. He glanced into Rob’s room, he had already gone to work. I should apologize to him for snapping like I did. He was actually taking an interest in what I was doing. He shrugged off his guilt for now knowing that he only had six hours before he had to go to work himself. His part time job at Miller Laundromat was dull but it afforded him the time he needed to write and it helped pay the bills until he got published. After helping himself to a breakfast of an orange and a cigarette, he went back to work.

He flopped into the recliner and noticed the paper laying there on top of his writings. He wrote me a note? He picked it up and opened it. It said only five small words. I know what you did. He dropped the note on the table. What does he mean, he knows what I did? We barely see each other. Is he trying to freak me out? Is this some sort of punishment for blowing him off last night? Surely, he isn’t that juvenile. He huffed in frustration and threw the note in the trash. Asshole. He picked up the pen and wrote rapidly until it was time to go to work.

He slammed the front door and when he whirled around, he nearly jumped out of his skin. “Going to work?”

Still mad about the note, “Yeah. See ya later.”

He arrived home that night long after Rob had gone to sleep. His anger had dissipated. Maybe he was just trying to joke with me like when we were little kids. He always had a sick sense of humor. He checked in on his younger brother, as he always did, and then fell into bed himself. He awoke the next morning with a fresh outlook. He would try to cut Rob some slack a little more; not get mad so easily. At least until he sat down in his room. There was another note on his bedside table. He unfolded it and read. You can’t hide from the truth. Why was he doing this? What was he trying to prove?

“This is stupid,” he said aloud to no one. “He doesn’t know anything.” He paced the house. They only just moved in together a few months ago. He doesn’t know anything, does he? No, he couldn’t. Shit, if he was trying to scare me, it’s working. What if he does know? What then?

He threw the second note away and decided that if he ignored it, it would go away. After all, Rob wasn’t around to ever know… Jamie. No one ever knew about Jamie. Except Kyle. He hadn’t meant to kill him those many years ago. But after a drunken tryst and Jamie threatening to tell, he knew he had no choice. Kyle lived with the guilt for a couple of years before finally pushing it out of his head, letting his writing be his coping mechanism.

He put the thoughts out an irrational paranoia out of his head and attempted to carry on his average day. He wrote, he finally ate something, and he talked to his parents on the phone. They asked about the living arrangement, as usual, but this time he lied about it. “It’s going fine, Mom. We get along well.”

“That’s good, honey. I’m glad to know that you and your brother grew into friends.”

Friends.

“Yeah, Mom. Tell Dad I love him and I’ll call him later. I gotta get back to writing. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, son.”

He felt horrible lying to his mother but he felt he had no choice. She had always wanted so badly for him and Rob to get along and become friends. Maybe someday but not today.

When he got up the third morning to find a note, panic began to take over. I saw you. Three simple words; tiny, insignificant. But put together, these words could ruin his life- ruin his family. He had to put a stop to this.

When Rob came home that evening, Kyle didn’t go to work. He waited for him in the living room.

“Hey, why aren’t you working?” Rob asked sifting through the mail as he walked.

“We need to talk.”

He sat down on the sofa. “Okay, what’s up?”

“I don’t think this living arrangement is working out. I need you need to go back to Mom and Dad’s.”

“What?! What the fuck, Kyle? Where the hell is this coming from?!”

“I got your notes, Rob. If you think you know something, just tell me.”

“Notes? What are you talking about?” He was laughing. “Dude, I don’t write notes.”

“This isn’t funny, Rob. Why are you leaving me these notes- are you trying to scare me?”

“Man, I don’t know what drugs you’re taking but you are wacked out, for real.” He shook his head and went to his room.

Kyle decided to calm himself down and take a nice, long shower. He let the water beat him and thought a lot about Jamie. He had never told anyone about him. He was too ashamed, too embarrassed. If anyone ever found out, he would only wish for the earth to swallow him whole as a refuge. He had punished himself for a long time afterwards. He thought it was behind him and that his secret was safe.

He toweled off and there was a note on the kitchen table.

Went to Carrie’s, be back later. R.

Good. I need some time to think and figure out the situation. He called his Dad back and explained the situation, leaving out the part about the notes. He told him that they just weren’t a good match and could Rob come back and live with them? His dad advised him to try and work it out but yes, if it was really not working out, he could come back. He felt better knowing he had an out.

Warily, he walked over to his writing area. No note. Hmm, maybe I got through to him. He breathed a sigh of relief and picked up his notebook. A small, folded piece of paper fell out. Soon everyone will know. He dropped the note as if it were on fire. The intense fear overwhelmed him. His body went from hot to cold and back to hot again. What was he going to do?!

A few minutes later, Rob walked through the door. Not saying anything to his brother, he brushed past him. Overcome with fear and then anger, he grabbed the metal candlestick holder and hit Rob’s head watching in horror as the blood poured out. Rob’s eyes glassed over as his body hit the floor.

“Oh, my God! What have I done?!” He tried to find a pulse but there wasn’t any. There was no breathing, there was no life.

He sat down on the couch numb. With shaking hands, he lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply, trying to figure his next move.

“I had no choice. He left me no choice. Everyone was going to know. I couldn’t let that happen.” He realized in his irrational state that his words probably sounded crazy but he didn’t know how to stop them. He had to figure out what to do with the body.

He paced into his room, sitting down, standing up, sitting down. Absentmindedly, he glanced over at his table. He watched in horror as his beautiful glass pen wrote the final note.

I saw you.