The Truth about Santa Claus

Every December we see a jolly man with a bag of toys. We sing songs about him. We take our children to see him at the mall. But who is this man; where did he come from? The time has come to reveal the truth. Santa Claus is really Karl Marx in disguise!

At first it seems incredible, but the evidence is too strong to be ignored. To begin with, find a picture of Karl Marx. Now imagine him wearing a red hat and a red suit. His identity is obvious.

Now consider the color red. Why did both the Soviet Union and Communist China both adopt flags that were predominantly red? Why was the Soviet military known as the Red Army? Why was international communism known as the Red Menace? All of these things happened because Karl Marx associated himself with the color red. Now we know why Santa Claus wears a red suit.

When did Santa Claus first appear? We know that at first gifts were attributed to the three wise men. Later, gifts were attributed to Saint Nickolas or Father Christmas. It was right around 1870 that Santa Clius made his first appearance. Some people make a big deal about a Coca-cola advertisement from the 1930's, but that merely personified the image that was already in peoples' minds. This 1870 date is significant because Karl Marx supposedly died inthe late 1860's. His grave is in London, but what would we find if we dug it up?

Now consider what might be called Philposophy. Consider a man who believes in the free distribution of goods without regard to social class. A man has no respect for international boundrys. A man who seeks to win the hearts and minds of children and does not hesitate to invade their homes to do it. Santa Claus or Karl Marx? There is no difference.

Where do all those toys come from? We are told that they are made by Elves in a workshop at the North Pole, but many men have visited the North Pole and none have found it. There are, however, well known work camps well above the Arctic circle and about as near the North Pole as it is possible to build a camp. I speak of course of the infamous Soviet Gulags. That is where the toys come from.

We also now begin to understand why they are called Elves. It is an old phenomenon also seen among slave holders, indian fighters, and abortionists. "They aren't really human", they say, and deny them their basic human rights. Pity the poor Elves.

Where do these "Elves" come from? Consider the old song. "You'd better watch out, you'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town." As we begin to learn the truth this song takes on a sinister new meaning. It is obvious that while good little boys and girls get toys, bad little boys and girls get sent to Siberia. Watch out boys and girls! Commie Klaus is coming to town!

Consider also the words that come later in the song. "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake!" We have seen the penalty for not being good, but where does this amazing knowledge come from? The answer has three letters, K.G.B.

We are told that this amazingly efficient, world spanning organizaation has disappeared, but one of its favorite tactics is disinformation. All of those highly trained agents did not simply vanish into thin air. Neither did its globe spanning network of informants. The public demise of the K.G.B. coincided quite closely with the appearance of the internet. No doubt there is some secret website on which the agents and informants of Kringles Grumpy Boys still report to their sinister master.

Given all of the above mentioned amazing "coincidences" it is impossible to deny the truth. Santa Claus is the first and last proponent of International Coimmunism. As with the Holocaust the truth must be proclaimed to all and never forgotten, lest it be allowed to happen again. Proclaim it from the rooftops! SANTA CLAUS IS REALLY KARL MARX!