Pastels

I smile because that’s what everyone expects of me.
I’m supposed to be just fine with the way things are
But I’m not.

I want to stomp my foot like a petulant child and
Run away from the life I stumbled into and
Make everything work the way I wish it could be-

But instead I smile.

I smile when I hear about the life you live
And the people you see and
Know that someday you’ll move on.

Then I’ll have what I carry inside myself
To keep me company-
What I can’t let you understand.

How I’m not who you see or hear or believe
Me to be.

You don’t see the twisted storm, the tangle of
Wind and fire that envelops me, tries to consume me
From the inside out-

You don’t know what I hide, the secrets I keep–
Deep purple, dark blue, midnight black...
Swirling, intense colors underneath such pretty
Pastels-

I smile because that’s what you expect of me.