The Final Decision

He reached for the wine bottle and poured himself another glass. It was then that he imposed the decision that would haunt her for the rest of her days. It was a decision with catastrophic consequences, the likes of which would follow her.

“I don’t want kids,” he told her one afternoon as they ate lunch. He said it so casually that she was sure she had misheard him.

“I’m sorry?”

“I don’t want kids, Caty. I’ve just never had any desire to be a father.” He took a bite of his steak and potatoes.

“But Eric, you knew I had a daughter…”

“I know. But I never expected this to get serious. I want to be with you.” He put his fork down and took her hand.

“I want to be with you too. You don’t have to be a father to her. You can be a friend or an uncle type.” She knew her voice held the ere of desperation.

He laughed. “Caty, be reasonable. I have a lucrative career, good looks, and money. I have plenty of friends. I have no desire to be ‘friends’ with a two year old.”

She sat silent staring at her small salad as tears welled in her eyes. She was going to lose him, she could feel it. Eric was the only man who ever loved her. She knew he did, he had too. And he was right- he was successful, good looking, and didn’t ever want for anything. She never understood what he saw in her or why he was with her. She was nothing like him. She was a waitress from a poverty stricken family. She had gotten pregnant with Claudine during a one night stand.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I know a couple that want a daughter. I’ve already talked to them. They would love to adopt her.” He took another bite and looked at her. She watched him swallow wondering how he could eat. “You want to be with me, don’t you Caty?”

“Yes of course…but Eric, she’s my daughter.”

He shrugged and nodded. “Okay, well, my mind won’t change so I guess that leaves us-“

She stopped the words. “No, please- isn’t there another way?”

He shook his head, “Not if we’re going to be together. Why don’t you just go back to her father? That’s right- you can’t. You don’t know his last name.” She knew he was only being cruel because he loved her and wanted to be with her.

She could feel the mashed lettuce rise in her throat. “I have to go to the bathroom. Excuse me for just a minute. I’ll be right back- please don’t leave.”

“Okay, honey. I’ll be right here.” He took a sip of his wine.

She barely made it to the stall when her salad and ice water projected from her. She sobbed as she vomited. Finally after several minutes, it ceased. As she washed her hands and face, she looked in the mirror. Her dirty blond hair was pulled back with a rubber band and hung in a limp tail down her back. She wished she had some makeup with her to fix herself up. In a dreaded pace, she walked back to the table.

“Better?” he asked her. She nodded without speaking. “Alright then, what’s it going to be? Dessert or split the check?” She knew what he was referring to had nothing to do with cake.

She drew in a shuttered breath. “I’ll do it. I’ll give her up. She’ll be better off.”

He smiled. “That’s right, she will. Okay, honey. I’ll make all the arrangements. You don’t have to do a thing.”

For the weeks that followed, she watched Claudine toddle around the house chattering away happily. She spent hours at night sobbing into her pillow and days attempting to separate herself from her child. Claudine would call to her from her crib and she would pick her up and just cry. It was the most difficult decision she had ever made but if either of them were to have a chance at a normal and happy life, they had to be separated. Eric wouldn’t let Caty move in until after the adoption was finalized. She would be leaving her tiny one bedroom apartment on the south side to move to his five bedroom house up north.

A mere seven weeks later, Caty went from being the mother of a beautiful, blond two year old to a single, childless shell of a woman. She only briefly met the couple that Claudine was going to but had thoroughly read the file Eric had given her. Jack was a doctor specializing in pediatric medicine and Leslie was an English professor and volunteered at their Baptist church. They were both college graduates with PhD’s. It was so much better than her history as a high school dropout ten years ago. A day after her baby was gone, Eric packed up Caty’s things and moved her out of her apartment.

They married soon after the adoption and she began her life in the lap of luxuries she had never experienced. She attended lavish parties and quit her job at the diner. It was actually Eric that suggested she quit. That way she would be at home in case he needed anything during the day. Two years went by and vodka bottled her feelings of loneliness and grief. Though Eric came home to her most nights it didn’t heal the void she denied.

She woke up early one Thursday morning, poured herself a glass, and sat on the veranda to read the paper. The headline on the front screamed at her accusingly.

Girl Falls to Her Death. Adoptive Parents Charged.

Her heart stopped beating as she read the story of four year old Claudine thrown from the 12th story window- reason unknown. It told of her healed fractures and yellowed bruises. Neighbors described the child as quiet, reserved, and overtly shy. She stared at Claudine’s picture through blind tears. Same blond curls, same big green eyes. She had killed her baby. She may not have been the one to throw her to her death but she handed her over to the people that did.

Eric came home that night to find Caty’s crumpled body on the bathroom floor clutching the newspaper. Overcome with guilt, she had decided to reunite with her daughter if God was willing. Beside her were several empty prescription bottles and scattered pills. Her eyes were rolled in the back of her head and she lay in a pool of her own blood that had spilled from her wrists. Shaking his head, he called the coroner to have the body removed and knew that she had made the decision to choose her daughter over him in the end.


**1137 words**