Chapt. 25 -- Visiting Jack

         There were blue jays in the sweet cherry tree outside Tim's bedroom window. He sat watching them fight over the ripe fruit. There were plenty of cherries for everybody but the birds were contesting the ownership of one cherry. Tim laughed. He was finding it easy to laugh these days.

         He turned back to his desk and picked up his pen. At that point there was a knock on the door, Tim said, "Come in, " and Jess entered. Tim still thought it strange that a man should knock on doors in his own house, but he understood that the room was his and everyone respected that. Jess set a glass of juice in front of him.

         "Thanks," Tim said.

         "How are you feeling?"

         "Good," Tim replied and took a sip of the juice,

         "The dentist really worked you over today," Jess said.

         "But he said we're almost done. Jess, would you read this and tell me if it's okay?" Tim handed him the tablet.

         "What's this?"

         "A letter to Pa."

         Jess read it and handed it back. "That's a good letter. Finish it and you can mail it tomorrow."

         "Mail it?"

         "Well you do want to mail it, don't you?"

         "I guess so, but Pa can't read."

         "Someone will read it to him."

         "No, because he's ashamed he can't read and he wouldn't ask anyone to. He can't write, either, except to sign his name. So he can't answer me and let me know how he is."

         "Then what do you want to do with the letter."

"Well, they said I can't visit him until I'm sixteen, but you can. Will you take it to him?"

         "Take it to him? You want me to visit him?"

         "Please?"

         Jess didn't answer for a moment. Jack Dorney was certainly not one of his favorite people. Tim said, "I know you're real busy."

         "I could take the time to go up there. But I didn't know you wanted to get in touch with him. He abused you and hurt you badly."

         Tim said, "I know. But he's still my father and I forgive him for all that."

         "You -- forgive him."

         "Yes. You read it out of the Bible to us, that we should forgive people who hurt us. You said that forgiving is how we get better from being hurt."

         "Yes, I said that and it's true, but nobody ever did anything really bad to me."

         "But what you said is still true and I hope nobody ever does anything bad to you."

         Jess was having a harder time forgiving Jack Dorney. In his mind there was no rationalizing what the man had done to this boy.

         Tim said, "So will you take him my letter? I want him to know I'm okay."

         Jess was learning that it was not easy to say no to Tim. "Finish the letter and I'll take it to him."

         "Remember you have to read it to him. "

         "I will. But you know, Tim, he might not want to see me."

         "Yes he will. I know about that place. Visits are important. It's all they look forward to and nobody else will visit him."

         "I'll take him the letter and read it to him."

         "And take him a picture of me?"

         "Yes I can do that."

         "You have to take him some money, too. He can't cash a check so we have to get him a money order."

         "Money? What for?"

         "So he can get stuff a guy needs. They’ll put the money in an account and he can spend it at the prison store.”

         Tim really did know about that place. "I'll get a money order."

         "I saved my allowance."

         "You don't have to send your own money."

         "I want to give him something of mine."

         "All right."

         "And the most important thing. Will you talk to him about getting born-again? I know you talk to people about that and they listen to you so maybe he will too."

         Jess drew a long breath. "All right, I will go see him and read him your letter and if he will let me I'll talk to him."

Tim was satisfied with the promise. "Can we take a new picture of me now I have hair again?"

         "Yes we can do that."

         "Then you can tell me how he is. He can't write to me and I want to know how he is."

         For Jesse's part he would have judged Jack Dorney as an old reprobate. He had seen the scars on Tim's back. He could think of no worse crime than child abuse. It seemed to him that Jack was deserving of anything that happened to him, even of dying and going to hell, but Tim was right and Jess knew it. "I'll go up there day after tomorrow," he promised.


         Jesse arrived at the state prison in Trenton one hot summer morning. He was thinking how far away from his comfort zone he was getting these days! When he had brought Tim into his life he had not foreseen the places it would lead him. He was admitted to an outer office and stated his errand, showing his ID. The officer at the desk gave him a tag to pin on and told him to wait to be escorted into the visiting area. He was told to walk through the metal detector and then be seated and wait. Shortly a corrections officer arrived and led him through several doors that were unlocked for them in turn by remote control. As each door locked behind him he felt increasingly ill at ease. He knew of course he could change his mind and they would let him out but he remembered what it was like to be locked in even for a few hours. Besides he could not turn back because he was bound by a promise made to Tim and committed to this errand.

         They told him to sit down, and that the inmate he had come to visit would be escorted into the area presently. He found himself in a dingy room with high narrow windows. A barrier divided the room in half, one half for visitors and the other for inmates. He took the seat indicated and sat down to wait. He had not seen Jack Dorney since his day in court. There was no real reason to think Dorney would want to see him now, but he had made a promise, and he would try. To be completely honest he almost hoped Dorney would refuse the visit.

         And maybe he would have except that having a visit was a way to get out of his work area in the steamy laundry for a little while. He had no idea who would be visiting him and he was curious.

         Presently a door opened at the far end of the other half of the room. Dorney took one look at his visitor and for a moment Jesse thought he was going to turn around and leave. Instead he came over to the barrier. "What the hell are you doing here?" Dorney asked.

         Jesse said, "I'm fostering your son, Tim. He asked me to come and see you for him."

         Dorney took one of the seats on the other side of the barrier. "How is Timmy?" he asked.

         "He's doing fine. We're taking good care of him."

         "I'm glad of that. I didn't know what would become of him."

         There was something in the way he said it that almost caused Jesse to believe that he did care about Tim. Maybe it did matter to him what became of him. Jesse said, "I brought you a letter from him. I can't pass it to you but I can read it to you."

         "Yeah, read it," Dorney said.

         Jesse read the letter. Dorney said, "The kid writes real good don't he?"

Indent}"Yes he does."

         "He said he's got a good home and he's happy there. I'm glad of that. They keep me sober in here, and I do a lot of thinking. I know that I didn’t do right by him. I was thinking he must hate me."

         "No he doesn't hate you. He thinks about you. He wanted me to come see you so I could tell him how you are. "

         Dorney was silent for a few moments then he said, "He said in his letter he prays for me. Is that true?"

         "Yes that's true."

         "His ma done that, too. When she seen she wasn't going to be the one to raise him she prayed over him all the time. She counted on me to take care of him after she died."

         "You did the best you could."

         'No I didn't, I was leading him here. Now he has a chance not to come here. You'll see he goes to school?"

         "He's going to go to school."

         "His letter says he goes to church. His ma'd like that. She always took him to the mission."

         "There's a picture of him downstairs they'll send up to you and Tim had me get you a money order. It's his own money; he said he wanted to give you something of his."

         Dorney didn't answer right away. Then he said, “I thought he hated me. I hurt him. God forgive me, I hurt that boy."

         "He wanted me to make you understand, he forgives you for all that."

         "I want him to know I'm sorry for it.

         "I'll tell him you said that."

         "It don't do no good to be sorry now. I have a feeling I'm going to die in this place, and that's what's coming to me. I can't complain, and when I do I'm going into the fire, and that's what's coming to me too."

         Jess had wondered whether he was going to get a chance to talk to Dorney about this and now the man had given him an opening he could drive a truck through. "That doesn't have to be, Jack. There's forgiveness for you, if you'll take it."

         "Not for me, you don't know ~ "

         "Yes for you. If you want it. If you don't want to go into the fire."

         "Ellie kept telling me that," he said half to himself.

         "Well she was right. Tim still loves you and God does too."

         Dorney looked up at him wiping at his face with the back of his hand. "How is that possible?"

         "It's possible. It's true."

         "I been remembering the things Ellie said to me. I been hearing them in my head all the time. She said to me 'Jack tell God be merciful to me a sinner,' I can't get it out of my head."

         "That's a good thing for you to tell Him."

         "It's not too late."

         "You're still breathing. So it's not too late."

         "You don't know all I done."

         "God does, and it's not too late."

         "You sure of that?"

         "Yes I'm sure. If it was too late why would God be reminding you of all Ellie told you?"

         "That's Him reminding me?"

         "Yes it is. Put it this way Jack what do you still have left to lose?"

         The man's face creased with something like a smile. He placed his palms together in and said, "God be merciful to me a sinner."

         After a moment he looked up. Jesse knew the feeling that goes with that look! He placed his hand on the barrier and Jack put his hand on the other side of it. The guard pointed to the clock indicating Jesse's visitation time was up.

         "I have to go; they're throwing me out. I'll be back. Maybe they'll let me bring Tim one of these days. I'll talk to the family court judge about it."

         "Come back real soon," Jack urged.

         "I'll be back. You take care of yourself."

         "Tell Timmy not to stop praying for me. Tell him I ~~ I love him. He won't believe that, but tell him."

         "He'll believe it,"

         Jesse was being led down the long corridor to the locked gates and then outside into the summer sunshine.