#7: Preferences That Make A Difference!

Pull Up a Stone #7

Why Apple-Smoked Barbequed Ham Matters So Much!

M. B. “Bud” Fields, Jr.

Copyright © 2007 By Grand Organ Productions, LLC
All Rights Reserved

Genesis:1:1-3
Exodus 20:3

Oh, Good Day, Friend! I was just having a bit of noontime nourishment! How glad I am to see you. What brings you by this way, today? Perhaps we might walk a short distance together. Would that be all right? Well, if so, just pull up a stone while I finish my meal.

I have plenty, if you would like some…you would? Excellent! We can break bread together. That would truly please me. You know, it is said that there is no indication of truest friendship quite so strong as two people sharing a meal together. Come then, let us eat before we journey.

* * * * *

As true as that statement was friend, way back in the earliest days of time—it is even truer today, in the 21st Century. Think about it a moment with me. When you have a dear friend visit, is there no food involved? I personally could not imagine such an event. I can tell you with unabashed honesty that I have no dear friends that I would meet—anywhere—that food would not be a central component of the meeting.

Surely, you know what I mean. My friend, Jon calls on the telephone, and wants to get together. At what time? Breakfast, lunch, or supper? We rule our lives by these benchmarks. You KNOW it’s true.

More important is “where” we will meet.

Do you feel like entertaining in your home? How much time will you require to make your home presentable for company, much less your friend? What will you prepare? What does your friend like to eat, or munch on? Even a “liquid lunch” requires munchies, after all. Will others be there? Perhaps the two of you can go to a favorite restaurant. Wait, your friend likes Tacos, but cannot tolerate Sushi. You cannot walk with your face upright into a Mexican Restaurant, but you’ll show up early for a Chinese buffet—which your friend will not go to. MSG, you know….

Oh, yes. Now, it begins to come back to you. Now, you are beginning to remember why it has been so long since you have seen this friend, after all. It becomes difficult right about the time we begin discussing preferences, doesn’t it?

We do have difficulty with people who have difficulty with our preferences, don’t we? Yes, we do indeed. In fact, sometimes we believe our preferences aren’t; we believe them to be necessities, or requirements.

Our strength of belief dictates the critical nature of our preferences in life. The stronger our belief, the more critical the preference, and the less flexible we are with giving it up.

Remember that rule, friend. It is going to matter in your life before long—I promise you.

I do not care for Tacos, but my friend likes them very much. I love Chinese food, while my friend is allergic to Nitrites. Neither one of us particularly cares for Japanese food. He can eat anything Japanese, while I simply will not go near raw fish of any type. We both love barbequed food, and Steak. Kentucky Fried Chicken is a popular favorite, as well. My friend believes that anyone who would purposely eat Chicken Gizzards is an Agent of the Devil. I do not understand why any rational human being would eat the dark meat on a chicken—ever!

Our preferences can be accommodated. The question quickly becomes: “Who wins?” Sometimes, my friend and I decide NOT to meet. We are both hungry, and we both desire companionship. There are times, however, when the cost is not worth the benefit.

We, as humans, need to get over ourselves just enough to let this be true in our lives. Sometimes, it IS worth going to a Mexican restaurant with my friend. I can stand the food, and he enjoys it immensely! My joy at seeing his joy is paramount. His joy is my greater preference.

Sometimes, however, I do truly need my friend Jon to allow me to “Win” this contest. As gracious as he may attempt to appear, this just simply is not an option with my friend. It just doesn’t happen. If we are going to meet—and eat, his decision must rule. It is not a rule of our friendship. It is a rule of his life. He will not go to eat in a place he either does not care for, or to a place that is unfamiliar to him, period.

His preference becomes, to him, much more of a critical preference than our friendship. Sometimes, I can overlook that. I do truly love my friend. To me, the knowing and sacrificial decision on my part to go where he will be comfortable is an indication of the value I place on our friendship. To him, it is a natural occurrence because that’s just the way it is. If we are going to get together, it is going to be at a place of his preference—even if I am paying for the meal! His preference has, regardless of my agreement, risen to a critical preference in his world, and our relationship.

It did so at his insistence, perhaps. But, in reality, it only did so with my permission. For whatever reason, he felt compelled to force his preference to a critical status. For whatever reason, I chose to allow it.

Sometimes, I do not allow it. I will talk with him, and discover we are in the same town. I will mention lunch. We both feel “that moment”, and we both know it well. When he says, “I don’t care where we eat!”, it is my obligation as his friend to know the rest of the statement. Every once in a while, just for a change of role identification, or personal need, I don’t play the game. I can be quite testy at times, I promise!

I will say to him, “Well, perhaps the next time.” By now, my friend knows two things: I wish to see him, but I am not in a sacrificial mood. I most probably am in a situation where I need for him to sacrifice—something he just doesn’t do well, if at all. If he is interested sufficiently to discover the nature of my difficulty, he will respond accordingly.

“I really don’t care, Bud. You choose. Wherever is fine with me.”

I may have to test it a time or two, to determine his legitimate willingness to bend to my decision. This is a test of his will to have the self-imposed criticality of his preference involuntarily changed. For my friend, this is a near-impossible task. It may be perfectly reasonable to change his criticality, yet he just simply cannot bring himself to do so. He sees this as being “weak minded”. I, of course, see his resolve as “stubbornness”.

Sometimes, when he says “whatever”, it is exactly what he means. Strangely enough, when that happens, where do you think my first preference inevitably is?

Of course! Wherever he is most comfortable is my first choice. In reality, there are too many places we both enjoy to have this problem—usually. The only time this can really become a huge problem is when we have been out to eat together several times in a short time period.

I just appreciate the opportunity at equality, and the recognition that I am an equal participant in the friendship. That is all I require, and I can maintain my happy stability without problems. Every once in a great while, I will enforce MY will upon the situation. It’s payback, or equality, or machismo…something.

I have another dear friend who, more than a year ago, was sharing this same conversation with me. In the middle of the conversation, he asked me a seemingly unimportant question. “What is your favorite kind of lunchmeat?”

My friend Isaac is very flexible. I have never known him to demand one eating place over any other. He has, for as long as I have known him, only cared about BEING with me as his friend. We have taken walks that have lasted for hours (or days!). We have sat on the same bench for many hours of significant, important conversation. My number one desire? I only want to be near him. I want to see him as he shares another of his incredibly ridiculous theories with me! (Sorry, Isaac! Call me vulgar names, will ya? LOL!)

I love him. My life matters because of him. When I am with him, my life is at 100%, or more! I know that, to him, I truly matter. Regardless of his life, his condition, or his circumstance, I know that I matter to this man’s life. That is a criticality of preference, now! That IS significant! This is true, in my life, of all people whom I call my friend. This is not a situation or condition specific to any one friend. It is equally true for Jon, Isacc, and every friend in between. Isaac's wife knows this. His parents know this! I know this. But, most importantly, my dear friend Isaac knows this. Not only is it his critical preference; it is mine, as well. It is a shared preference which has very few superiors. It is an agreement of us, and between us. It defines our relationship.

When he first asked me the question, I suspected it was because he was testing my memory.

On the first day we ever met, we talked for many, many hours. At one point, I distinctly remember telling him of my particular love for one specific type of lunchmeat. You cannot buy it in a grocery store, which is where the conversation got interesting. You see, my favorite lunchmeat is “Dixie Loaf”, made by Fischer. Yes, it really does exist! It is a known quantity among the Kroger Brand Stores (King Sooper’s, West of the Mississippi River).

My favorite luncheon meat, however, is NOT available in stores. It is only available from one distributor in the World (so far as I know). If you don’t know how to get hold of this particular luncheon meat, you quite obviously have something important left to learn about me! My friend and I had this conversation in September. It took about 15 minutes of what became more than a 10 hour conversation.

It happened over 11 years ago, in September of 1996. So far as I know, neither of us has referenced this conversation again, until his question last fall.

For this past Christmas, my friend Isaac had several POUNDS of this particular luncheon meat sliced, wrapped, frozen, and sent to me from THE one distributor of the product in the whole, entire world.

Why?

He got some for himself, as well. According to him, we could “eat together even when we can’t be together.” Yes, I had three of these incredible sandwiches as I wrote this letter to you.

That, my friend, is preference raised to the epitome of criticality.

I have pounds of this luncheon meat in my freezer. I forever and always want there to be some of it in my freezer, quite honestly. Regardless of where we are, I can always be with my friend as he eats, so long as there is a slice of Applewood-Smoked, Barbequed Ham in my freezer. Do you understand why? Does this make any sense to you, at all?

You see, friend, what we are talking about today is preference. My example is, truly, pretty simple to understand. I hope you can see how it is important in my life.

One friend requires his preference to be met every time. Another friend provides a solution, to eliminate the possibility of a problem.

Which kind of friend are you?

When it comes to preference, just how critical are yours in the life you live? How many are so critically important to you, that you require others to live by them, too; especially in your presence?

These are really very difficult questions to consider. They become painfully important when you are at the chasm, my friend.