I Am Sorry For The Pain

You are my child. When you were born you completed my life in such a way that

to this day there is no feeling that compares. The only guideline I had to help raise

you was the left over script from my own childhood, and it was far from being

perfect, there was much pain. I was so busy avoiding the mistakes my parents

made with me that I didn’t realize I was laying the groundwork for a completely

different series of errors with you. And so it goes, that your childhood was far from

being perfect. You were a beautiful child, caught in the crossfire of adults who were

trying to make very sick relationships well. You were never the cause. Pain has a

tendency to grow up right along with us. We do all we can to bury it, cover it up,

convincing ourselves it has gone away. If we are fortunate, we wake up one day,

asking why. Given the courage, we begin the search that allows us to stop defining

parts of ourselves by the lies presented to us as children. I never had all the

answers, and I was so confused in thinking I was supposed to. If I had known how

to do it better, I surely would have. Our past is not open to negotiation or change,

but our present will respond to understanding and compassion. You are an

amazing human being, a grown-up version of that beautiful child. Hold on to the

pleasing memories of your youth. There was an abundance of good as well. It’s

important I tell you that I am truly sorry for the pain. I pray you complete your

search. There is much peace on the other side. My love for you, as it always has,

will continue on . . .