Closer Than Breath

Shaking on the floor alone
I don't know what to say-
so sick of burying all this grief,
watching my heart decay.

Why am I so terrified
to be vunerable again?
Is it because bitter death
was all I experienced then?

My eyes cannot form
these tears that must be cried.
Must I be condemned
to forever weep inside?

How can I voice the secrets
from so many years ago?
Shame, guilt, and bittersweet blood-
how did I sink so low?

Have I passed the point of no return
and paid the ultimate cost?
Is there any hope at all
of regaining innocence lost?

I scream and beg to let it go
from the deepest part of me-
"Release my anger and resentment!
Restore my sanity!"

What happens if I lose control
and start to fall so deep?
Will You still hold me in Your arms
until I fall asleep?

If I remove my mask so fit
and show what lies behind-
if I strip and show You my deep scars-
will it be beauty that You find?

As I writhe in agony
You brush my hair and cheek.
The warm tears You shed for me
give me strength to be weak.

You don't expect perfection,
but say, "Come as you are."
Now I know that from my floor,
You don't live very far.