The inside

I want to say it, want to tell,
I wanna let it out and scream and yell.
I wish I could say it, I wish it weren’t there,
I wish that I wasn’t always scared.
It eats me up and spits me out
It turns me upside down and inside out.
I always act, but never to be seen.
I think to the future but not where I’ve been.
The truth hurts, but hiding hurts more.
But what is the truth really good for?
I know I’m making a big deal,
But how will I know what is real?
How do I know what has changed?
And what is gone and what’s rearranged?
Its only one phrase, only three words,
But why am I so discouraged?
They are so small yet mean so much,
I never thought it would be this tough.
But there’s a time and there’s a day,
When I have the courage to finally say
What needs to be said,
And after it all I may be dead.
But I may only be broken
After all those words are spoken.
Whatever happens, and come what may,
I hope and fear for the inevitable day.