Holding New Life

I hold an interesting place in my family; I am the oldest grandchild on one side and the youngest on the other. Because of this situation, I grew up constantly surrounded by babies and children of all ages and sizes. Despite this, I can't remember holding a baby younger than one month old. I know when I was young that the reason was my age, although I'm sure that somehow my mother had me hold my little brother when we were both little. If only because I have the pictures to prove it. On the other hand, as a child and into my adult years, I have a bit of a reputation as a klutz.

So it was with some trepidation I pulled into a parking space outside my best friend's townhouse last summer. I had spent the past week at my sister's, just bumming around while she worked and also shopping and traveling with another friend. One of the things we had shopped for were baby presents for my best friend's son. I smiled as I recalled the awe in his voice during the phone call we'd shared earlier in the week. "I have a son," he'd said to me. Then there was silence on the other end. I'd had to prompt him a few times to get all the information about the baby.

Now I gathered up the bags on my passenger seat and double-checked the townhouse number. After making sure I was headed for the right door, I shut my car door and made my way up the stairs. A few moments after I rang the doorbell, the door was thrown open by Julie, the new Mama and my best friend's wife. I hugged her gently as I entered and handed her the gift bags. "Congratulations. These are for Brian," I said as she shut the door behind me.

"Oh, you didn't have to," she replied. "Mitch is upstairs with the baby."

"I know I didn't have to," I assured her. "I wanted to. And one's from Beth anyway," I added, naming our other friend. I followed her upstairs to the nursery to find Mitch installed in an overstuffed chair with the baby cuddled in his arms. I leaned over and kissed him hello, taking a peek at Brian at the same time.

Julie and I settled on the floor while Mitch shifted the baby, trying to get him comfortable enough to put him back to sleep. While he tried the get the baby to sleep, Julie and I ooo'ed and ah'ed over what Beth and I had bought and then over the little tiny clothes that were folded into tiny packets and placed in the dresser Mitch had refinished.

A little later, Mitch peeked down at Brian. "He's asleep now if ya want to hold him," he told me.

"Are you sure?" I asked, hesitant now that I was faced with holding him. I hadn't ever held a baby that small or young.

Mitch levered himself up, holding Brian confidently in one arm, and motioned me into the chair. "You sit down and I'll hand him to you. When he gets too heavy, Julie or I will take him back."

I settled on the edge of the hassock and allowed Mitch to arrange Brian in my arms. He nestled Brian's head in the crook of my left elbow and made sure I had him supported before stepping back.

I think I stopped breathing for a few minutes after Mitch let go. Brian had a light blanket wrapped around him and I moved one corner back so I could see his face. He was heavier feeling than I expected in my arms and seemed more solid and real than he had when Mitch was holding him. Suddanly he was a wiggling body in my arms not just a doll-like object that my best friend was cradling. I shifted him around, trying to get a good look at him. He head was floppy like all newborns, but not as floppy as I had expected, and a little bit oversized. Most of his weight seemed to be centered in his head which rested on my left arm. It was almost as if a feather rested on my right arm. I could actually rest him completely on my arm and use my right hand to move the blanket away from him. I studied him for a few minutes, amazed by the tiny features and the little tiny fingers. I felt a rush of maternal urges at the sight of him, but I ruthlessly stamped them down. I wasn't ready for my own children, but I was going to enjoy playing with and spoiling Brian while he grew.

I shifted Brian so he rested a little more comfortably and rejoined the conversation going on around us, enjoying the fresh baby scents of powder and wipes.

Prompt: Describe the youngest baby you've ever held and how he felt in your arms.

Author's note: Names were changed to protect the identities of the people involved.