Once

Once Beneath the Stars
By Ms. Coe

Submitted for the Lyrical Prose contest

As I get older I have a better understanding of who my father was and how he became the man I knew as a child growing up. When I was a child it was common knowledge that my father was an alcoholic. It would seem that I’ve always known what that term meant. My mother, I believed when I was young, was simply old fashioned and would never leave my father because she believed that once you are married that divorce in not an option. I later came to believe that she was afraid. She was afraid of the unknown and was definitely a co-dependent. A co-dependent is more difficult for me to grasp. That is probably because I am a co-dependent myself.

Let me get back to my father. I always missed my father not being like my friends fathers. My girlfriends were fearful of their father and the punishments they would hand out when any of them misbehaved. My fear was that my father would embarrass me. I secretly wanted to be disciplined by him. My father was not always drunk. When he wasn’t drinking he was a quiet man. He almost appeared shy. He very rarely raised his voice to me. My mother did any disciplining. With the conditions that we secretly lived in I quickly learned not to break any rules or do anything wrong. I didn’t want to do anything that would cause any more yelling and I definitely didn’t want to disappoint either of my parents.

A few of my favorite memories with my father are memories that others might find mundane. I remember when I was about 13 my mother and father taking me out to dinner which was very rare. It was a family diner so my father wasn’t drinking. We were enjoying a nice meal. The fun part came when my father was genuinely surprised at the cost of the meal. My mother and I got to giggling about it and my father soon caught on that we were enjoying this so he kept up his part in the on going gag where he appeared the recluse who needed to get out more and we took advantage of the situation and teased him about being a cheap skate. We continued to poke fun at him the rest of the evening. I knew even at that young age and so did my parents that this was a rare moment for us.

Another incident that stands out in my mind as a precious memory was once beneath the stars. I had recently turned 17 and although I was fairly innocent I did have a boyfriend. After a date one evening we returned home in his little car and as I sat very close to him we looked up at the stars. This night was about as romantic as it had gotten for me at the mature age of 17. We began to kiss and one thing led to another. Just as I was thinking to myself that I should stop this before I get myself into something that I am not ready for a hard knock came on the passenger side window. I squinted to see who was knocking, I was shocked to see it was my father. My only thought was that something was wrong. As I opened the door my father snapped “Get in the house now”. “Why” I asked “What’s wrong” “Go he yelled” and it hit me. He was mad at me for making out in the car with my boyfriend at 11 o’clock at night. He wasn’t drunk; in fact it didn’t look like he’d had a drink. As I stepped out and began to walk away I heard him yell at my boyfriend. “Don’t be calling here any time soon if you know what’s good for you and I recommend you learn how to treat my daughter with some respect if you want to continue seeing her”. I walked quickly up the driveway and into the house.

My Dad followed right behind me. "Do you understand what just happened?" my father asked. I nodded. "You've been taught better than that. The whole neighborhood could have seen you if they had wanted to and is that the impression that you want them to have of you?" I shook my head. "You'd better just go to bed and you can discuss it with your mother tomorrow." he added. "Okay, I'm sorry Dad" I told him before I went down the long hall to my room. When I reached my room I hid my face in the pillow. I wasn’t embarrassed by my Dad and I wasn’t mad at my Daddy for being angry. I was a little sad because I had disappointed him but the feeling that I was experiencing was that I was pleased that he and I had shared an important moment. I was actually grinning beneath the tears running down my cheeks. A moment that I had always hoped for because to me that showed he cared. A moment, once beneath the stars, to remember always.