Writings of a Teenage Girl #5

Those incidents with Nels happened such a long time ago, it seems. Though it was the beginning of my sophomore year when he told me he loved me, it feels so much farther away. Now I like someone else. He likes me back, we both know it’s puppy love. More than a crush, but not by much, and we’re okay with that. He’s tall, blonde, blue-eyed; huge and warm, like a teddy bear. His name is Brandon James Mullen. He’s never been kissed by anyone besides his mom. This is something we have in common.
What started it all? What got smart, football-playing Brandon to pick me, of all girls? Sometimes I’m not sure myself. Friendship started us off, I guess. Being myself, and not caring what everyone else thought. After that things just clicked between us. The big, initial event was an away championship basketball game. We rode the bus up; a good hour and a half drive. On this ride, he put his arm around me, one side of his headphones in my ear, and I fell asleep on him. Same thing happened on the way home. It was amazing, magical, and one of the best days of my life.
Ever since that day it’s been cautious baby steps. We’re both pretty much new at this. We sit close, barely touching. Once he had an arm around me in English class. We find little things; elbows touching, lingering hugs. Teasing, tickling. We’re not dating steadily. We are going to Morp together, but in a group. I’ve discovered I can survive a weekend of more than five days without him. (Well, a phone call hardly counts.)
We’ve held hands on several occasions, always under the table in Math class. It feels nice.
He always smells good. He is always warm. He has big hands. He, for some irrational, inexplicable reason, sees something in me; he likes me.
I have competition. One with a boyfriend; safe and off limits to Brandon. One who is tied up in a way, but unfortunately single. It is a challenge I undertake most seriously. We have slow danced once. He held me close. I will not give him up to her unless I know she is what he wants. I do not own him, but he has my heart; therefore, I would follow him to the ends of the Earth. I like him even more than sunshine. I will not surrender.
I’m setting myself up for heartbreak; but what can I do? He swiped my heart before I could lock it away…

~February/March of 2007~