Shamelessness

In May of 1900, Eliza’s mother received a letter from her aunt in England, stating that it was time for Eliza to come home and be with her family. I did not know it yet but that letter changed my life. There would be a party to welcome Eliza back home when she arrived in July.
Now, I have not seen my precious god-daughter since she was 5. Eliza had hair as bright as the sun and twinkling green eyes. My fondest memory of her was she was in a pink dress and she was caked in mud. Eliza was quite the mischievous child and because of her inability to act like a young lady, she was sent to England to learn to become a proper lady. If her aunt was sending her home that must mean dear Eliza was ready to be a proper lady and maybe a proper wife when she married.
Months dragged forth until the night of the party arrived. Eliza was already home for a week. Juliette, my wife and Eliza’s cousin, went for a visit earlier this week. In Belle Springs this event was the largest all summer long. People from all over were coming to this party.
Juliette and I arrived at the mansion. Juliette went to find Katherine, Eliza’s mother. I was anxious to see how Eliza turned out. She must meeting and greeting people. I stood in front of their grand staircase and glanced up. There she was. I just knew it had to be her. I was shocked at the woman standing on the stairs. Her blonde curls were wrapped up showing her face, neck and her womanly bosom. A necklace of diamonds and pearls came to a point at the top of her bosom. She knew what she had and she showed it with her purple, silk dress. Eliza seemed to float down the stairs. I knew she knew I was staring, I turned away.
“Eliza Delaney,” she held out her white gloved hand.
I gently held it and kissed it. I inhaled her sweet perfume and felt her dainty hand beneath mine, my head whirled, “I am David Longacre.” I caught her emerald eyes.
“My god-father.”
“Yes,” I whispered.
She came closer, my heart thudded in my chest, “well are you going to escort me to the ball room or shall I walk in by myself,” she breathed in my ear.
“I will take you, my dear Eliza. You are quite the beautiful woman. I see England did you well.”
“In more ways than one, David.”
I kept her hand in mine and walked her to the ball room where the guests anticipated her entrance. As she entered the room, young men flocked to her but she kept one twinkling eye on me and I kept one on her. I left her to say hello to her father.
“Hello, Judge,” I said to Eliza’s father.
“David, pull yourself away from the criminals this evening to join us?” he asked.
“Yes sir. I would not miss the party in honor of my god-daughter.”
“My dear Eliza has changed into a prim and proper woman of class. It is a wonder she did not marry in London, beautiful and refined as she is,” he observed.
“Why did she leave?” I asked.
“Sarah, had no energy for her; that is what the letter said. Sarah is very old I am sure. Katherine will know better than I.”
Others approached the judge to pay their gratitude so I moved to solitary spot in the room. The music started and I looked across the room and saw my angel shake her blonde hair no. She started over my way.
“Will you dance with me, David?” Eliza asked sweetly.
“Yes.” I took her hand and led her to the middle of the ballroom.
“You are just as handsome as I remember you, David,” she softly said so that none other can hear what she said.
“You remember me?” I asked surprised.
“Of course I do. You and Juliette always came to visit. Do you and she come as often?”
“Juliette does. I am very busy at my firm and being the district attorney. I have my own firm now.”
“I know,” she purred,” Juliette told me. Congratulations, David.”
I was at a lost for words. She pulled me closer to her just a little bit though; enough to where I felt her breasts next to mine but far enough away to the wandering eye.
“David,” I melted every time she said my name. “Mother and Juliette are visiting with my sickly great grandmother next week. They’ll be gone for a month or so. Mother wanted me to go but I told her I would like to become reacquainted with our friends and possibly seek a suitable husband. I would like to have supper with you. Father is so busy at court plus he has other engagements. I will be alone.”
“I will send a letter for when I am available,” I replied.
The night waned on. Most of the guests started to leave. I excused myself to the garden and sat on the bench breathing in the fresh summer air.
“Are you bored?” I heard from behind.
“Why do you ask, Eliza?”
“Because I am the same way. Spending all my time being prim and proper and polite. I am very bored in there with all those people I do not really care for,” she said.
“Come, sit beside me,” I moved over for her to sit.
She sat and grabbed my hand. She took off her gloved so I touched her delicate skin, it felt like my heart was trying to escape my body.
“I act like a proper lady in there because I am supposed to. Mother and father like that I am one of them.” I could not find anything to say for I felt the same way. She continued, “but you are different. You looked at me. You did not hide it. I liked it a lot.”
“I apologize, Eliza for staring at you,” I sheepishly said. I probably was going to hell for looking at my wife’s cousin.
“Do not apologize, David. Did you like what you saw?”
I did not answer her. I turned my eyes away from her. She grabbed my face and turned it back to her, “David, did you like what you saw?” she asked again.
“Yes,” now I knew I sealed my fate and I was going to be in purgatory.
“Do you feel shame in that, David?”
“Yes, I was improper.”
“Do not feel shame, David. I looked at you and you are my cousin’s husband . I feel no shame, no guilt. I am going to look at what I like,” she said.
“You should feel guilty, Eliza, it is against god,” I knew I sound like a preacher. Lord knows, I did not want Eliza upset with me.
“Dearest David, if you come closer I will tell you some of what I learned in London,” she smiled.
“What exactly did you learn?”
“More than what I can say now. Would you like to know one thing I learned?”
“Yes, I would like that,” I answered. I had no idea what she would say, probably some outlandish European ideal.
She inched closer so her face was a breath away from mine. She grabbed my head and came closer. She planted her soft red lips on mine. I should have pushed her away but I wanted her to keep kissing me. Blood boiled from all over. Twenty years of marriage, I have never felt so much passion. Eliza let go.
“Did you enjoy it, David?” she asked breathlessly.
“Why did you stop, Eliza?” What was I saying. I knew the whole thing was wrong and sinful but I could not help myself. I wanted to kiss her again; feel her mouth with mine. Lord help me, I prayed, I was so very weak.
“David, there will be plenty more later. I give you my solemn promise,” she said.
The guilt started to rise. I left her and found my wife. We went home that evening. She went to her room and I to mine. We no longer slept in the same room. She believed two people should only come together to make children. Juliette could not have any. It was more than alright by me to sleep apart. I never really loved her as a husband should. Her father made us marry only because she wanted to marry me. He threatened my future as a lawyer. What could I do but agree to the terms. As time went by, she topped loving me. We became two people who go together to keep our status in society.
A week after the party, I kissed my wife goodbye and told her that I would miss her. She proceeded to tell me that she loved me and will also miss me but we both knew better. She was happy to leave and she told me that many times. Eliza was with her mother.
“Eliza, I am so glad you are staying behind so many people miss you here,” Katherine said to her daughter.
“You have a safe trip, mother. Write as soon as you get there. Good bye Juliette, bon voyage,” Eliza said.
“Good bye darling,” Juliette said as she waved.
The whistle blew and the train started away. Eliza and I waved to the ladies. After we could no longer see their gloved hands, she turned to me. She was so beautiful, she wore another dress to show her womanly goods.
“David, are you available this afternoon?”
“Yes, why do you ask? I do have some cases to work on.”
“It is a beautiful day. I would like to go on a picnic,” she said formally.
“It sounds like a marvelous idea, I can hear about your time in London.”
“Can you drive a team?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Good, we will take my father’s. I will have Philip hitch up our team and we will leave in one hour. Meet me at my house.”
I made the pleasant walk to Eliza’s house. She was already waiting in her open coach. “Come on David.”
I leapt in. “Where to m’lady?”
“Somewhere private and secret and out of town.”
I knew the perfect spot it was out of town by a stretch of river where the willows lined the banks. I knew she would love it.
When we got there she got off the coach and grabbed a blanket and the basket. I unhitched the team and led them to the river. Eliza found a shady spot in the trees.
“I hope you like red wine,” she quietly said.
“I do.”
She poured us each a glass. I had a need to kiss her and maybe touch her. She moved closer.
“Do not sit so far away, David. I will not bite,” she purred. Eliza gulped her wine.
“Do you love Juliette?” she asked.
“In a way.”
“What does that mean?”
“I love her because we have been together for so long.” I knew that was a small lie because for the last week it was Eliza that I thought of. She said nothing and I glanced at her bosom. I had feelings that I have not felt ion twenty years. These feelings were wrong and I knew it but there was a part of me that believed that it was only natural. “So why did you leave England?” I asked to break the silence that enshrouded us and breaking my eyes from her bosom.
“Why do you ask?”
“I just think that is odd that your aunt does not have the energy to care for you when I am sure she has servants and such.”
“You must be quite the lawyer. I was made to leave because of some behaviors I acquired,” she told me.
“Like what, Eliza? I promise I will not tell your father.”
“Well I met a man in London, a very handsome and intelligent man, much like you. He went to Oxford. Aunt Sarah thought very highly of him because he was from a good family. He took me out to the taverns and we would spend the nights drinking.”
“She made you leave because you like the bottle?”
She laughed, “heavens no. Aunt Sarah also liked the bottle. I was made to leave because she found Gregory and I in bed together before we were married.”
I was shocked, if other people would find out, she would be outcast from the circle. “Why did you let him? If anyone found out, no one would want you.”
She put her forefinger on my lips, “I like it David. Over there they have books about men and women. We did it because we loved each other.”
“So get married then.” I was furious. I could not believe she was a whore.
“It was never meant for him and I to be married, David. I know what you are thinking, David but I know where your heart lies.”
“You do? Where is it then?”
“You think I am a whore but at the same time you want to kiss me and I am positive you have thought about taking me to bed.” She had me. This was all a bad idea.
“I would like to got to bed with you, David but not here. You see Juliette wrote about you so much I know almost everything about you. She also about your marriage with her. I might be the kind of woman you could fall in love with and you might be the right kind of man I could fall in love with.”
“What is wrong with you, Eliza? I am forty years old and married. Why me?” I yelled at her.
“Nothing is wrong with me, David. I do not care about age and your marriage is not even a marriage in my eyes. Have you not even felt a connection with someone? I did when I saw you at the bottom of the staircase, looking up at me.”
“No, Eliza, I have never felt something like that.” Another lie but I hoped this would end it here. Life before Eliza was easier to cope with, she turned my world upside down.
“Who is the one you burn for night after night, David? Answer me honestly,” Eliza demanded.
“No one. Not even you ,Eliza. I burn for no one.” I hoped this would seal the destruction of something that only begun.
“I apologize, David. I am sorry for acting foolish at the party last week.” I picked up on her tone of voice it was prim and proper Eliza. “I do ask to please keep my secrets, David.”
“You have my word.”
She served the sandwiches and poured the wine. She waited until I got the team hitched. Eliza sat next to me on the way down. Yet, on the way back home she sat where she was supposed to in the back.
Eliza acted like a proper lady again. Just as proper as any other well-to-do lady in town. I was polite to the women as they were to me but every woman acted the same way, it was such a bore, so I attended social functions very little. Eliza was a breath of fresh summer air; someone I could relate to on a different level. When I brought her home, Philip helped her down. She was hurt. She never looked at me or wished me a good day.
Days went by and I began to miss Eliza. She was honest with me and all did was lie to her. I heard through the other people that Eliza went visiting quite a bit and rode her father’s horses on the grounds of her home. I could not concentrate any longer on the work before me so I wrote her a letter.
My Dearest Eliza, I have missed you terribly this past week. You have a brought a ray of light into my everyday life. Yes, you are the kind of woman I could fall in love with and I did. You are the one I burn for night after lonely night. I desperately need to see you tomorrow. I will be at the hotel room 29. Please come after 4 o’clock.
I love you,
David
My assistant delivered it to her that same day. The following day after I closed my office, I went to the room. I stayed here at the hotel through out the week to be close my office and court. The house Juliette and I shared was quite a distance outside of town.
At 8 o’clock, someone knocked at my door. It was Eliza, she had her hair braided down her back and wore plain clothes.
“I did not want people to recognize me,” she floated in, “I am glad you wrote.”
“I am glad you came,” I said as my heart raced.
“So am I.” She moved closer with every bit of intensity and passion she kissed me. Then she wrapped her arms around me, and pulled me closer until her bosom was on top of mine.
I led her to the bed, and touched every bit of her and she touched me. It no longer mattered what was wrong or what was right. What mattered was Eliza and I showing our love for one another. There was no girl about Eliza, she knew what to do and when to do it.
Sometime through the night, I awoke and I finally seen the girl beneath the woman. The moonlight illuminated her white, soft skin and slender body with her perky, creamy breasts. I loved her more at the moment. I crawled back in bed and touched her skin.
The following morning she was gone. I knew she went home and she left no note. Later that afternoon, I saw her and the Judge eating supper at the restaurant. Eliza must have excused herself and left the table. I saw her head back to the powder room. Then I seen her exit a side door. I followed her to an alley where no one could see us. I pushed my body against hers and passionately kissed her.
“I saw you, that’s why I left the table,” she whispered. I kissed her again. “David, I must get back. I will be at your room at 8 o’clock tonight. My most trusted servant but I like to call her my assistant, Rebeckah, comes into town herself to see a man. She takes me here and back. Please could you bring some brandy?”
“Yes, darling I will get some. I love you, Eliza.”
“I love you as well.” She kissed me gently on the lips and went back inside.
For the next few weeks, like clockwork, Eliza would be at my room around 8. We would lay together several times and not once did she lose her intensity. And we drank, finishing bottle after bottle. On Fridays she would not go home because her father went to the country house on the weekends so Saturdays we spent together. At one time I convinced her to love me at our picnic spot.
Just before Katherine and Juliette were to come home, we received word that their grandmother had passed and they would be home in another week. I was relieved to hear the news that Juliette would be gone longer.
On a sunny day in August, Eliza came into my office. I was worried, she never risked being here.
“Can we talk privately?” her voice quivered and her green eyes were red and watery.
“Come in here.”
She sat on the sofa and I sat beside her. “What is wrong, my angel, is it your father, your mother, Juliette?”
She shook her head, “I am with child, David.”
My heart sunk, rule number one if you are going to have a mistress do make her pregnant. This was worse than any old mistress because she was unmarried daughter of a very wealthy and powerful judge.
“Are you sure, Eliza?”
“Yes, I am sure. I am not far along. What are we going to do, David?”
“Juliette and I could adopt the baby. We could say someone left the baby and I took it home.”
“No,” she yelled,” This is my baby. I do not want Juliette raising the baby in this type of life. David, this baby is a product of our joined love. We should get married and raise the child together,” she whispered.
“How do you suggest we do that? If I were not married I would marry you today.”
“Kill her David. You and I both know she is sick anyway. When she arrives home tell her it is her womanly duty to lay with you. Slip this into her wine,” she pulled out some white powder in a small glass jar and handed it to me, “by the time you are done making love to her, she will be dead. Panic and make a commotion. Now after a month of mourning start publicly courting me then ask my father permission to marry me. Say that you will always love Juliette but you need a wife to carry you a child, to pass on your name. People get married all the time after their spouse dies,” she finished her diabolical plan.
“I can not do it, Eliza.”
“You have to for your own sake and mine. You will lose everything and I will. You will lose the firm and I will be sent away forever and lose our child. There is no other way, David.”
All moral conscious left me as I agreed to her plan; it seemed very easy and convincing. My wife was very sick and if she died it was because she was sick. No one would ever think murder. Now, I was no better than the people I prosecute.
“I will do it, Eliza.”
She came closer and kissed me, we laid together right then and there. When Eliza Delaney and I are married, I am going to be the happiest man alive.
It was the Saturday after Eliza told me about our baby and normally we would spend all day together but today was the day. Juliette and Katherine had gotten home late last night. I spent all day with Juliette at our home. Oddly enough she was very receptive to my love. I thought maybe she had a lover and felt guilty. Of course she probably thought the same. When the sun sank into the hills, I entered Juliette’s room with glasses filled with champagne. I handed her the glass with the poison in it.
“What is this for, David?” she asked as she sipped.
“Darling, I honestly love you and I missed you something terrible these past weeks and these past years. I know we have our differences but there is some love still between us.”
I drank and she drank, “I completely agree, David. I still care about you and I think we should adopt a baby. I know it will not be our own but it will bring us closer together,” she said as she finished the poisoned drink.
“That is a wonderful idea, Juliette.” I kissed her softly. I did not tell her to lay with me. It felt like the first time all over again but all I could see was Eliza’s face and feel Eliza’s skin. As Eliza wanted, Juliette took her last breath in my arms.
I shook her. Juliette laid there lifeless. I called for her nurse and she said Juliette was gone with the angels. In that instance, watching the nurse maid wrap her in the sheets we just laid in, I wanted to suck the poison out of her. I cursed Eliza and her power over me. Why could not Eliza leave me be? I was happy the way Juliette and I were. The morning after, Judge Delaney, Katherine, and Eliza paid their respects.
“We are so sorry, David. Juliette was a sister to me,” Katherine lamented.
Eliza came forward and hugged me hard; she had tears in her eyes. My hate for Eliza disappeared when her breasts and her little body pressed up against me.
“I loved her so much, David. I know you did to. If you want to talk about anything please come up and see us,” she said.
In the midst of it all, I could have taken Eliza and showed her how much I really did love her.
Her and her family brought me back to their home, so I would not grieve alone. When the clock struck midnight, the door to my bedroom opened.
“David, my love, I have missed you,” she whispered as she crawled into my bed.
“Eliza, you are crazy this is your father’s house.”
“I know this but he and mother are on a different floor in a different wing.” she kissed me sweetly. “What was it like killing someone?” she asked.
“I do not know.”
“Did you do it or did she die on her own?”
“I did.”
“Are you regretting the act?”
“In a way,” I replied.
“So when are we getting married?”
“Soon, Eliza.”
“David, you did not have to agree to the plan. You never loved her. You love me completely.”
She was right, “Yes, I do love you, angel. I am just so scared something will go wrong and I will lose you all together.”
“Nothing could go wrong David, nothing at all,” she said to comfort me.
She kissed me again and I laid her on the bed, “when we are married we will have no shame in doing this,” I softly said to her.
“I have no shame,” she said as she pulled me closer.
At the end of September, I began publicly courting Eliza and her parents could not have been happier. They knew marriage was on the horizon. Eliza was to turn eighteen in November and with only a month away I figured that would Katherine plenty of time plan the wedding on Eliza’s birthday. Eliza began to show more and more. She told everyone that she was eating too much and it seemed everyone believed her. I suspect some in town thought otherwise. I planned on talking to the judge in a week about marriage.
On October 15th, I was supposed to the see the judge for his permission to marry Eliza, but things changed rapidly. On my way from the hotel to the estate, the sheriff arrested me for the murder of Juliette and the rape of Eliza. I was stunned.
“What do you mean kill my wife, I loved her. And I never laid a hand on Eliza,” I told the sheriff.
“You know I can’t talk to you about this,” he said.
My head whirled. What happened? Who on Earth brought these allegations against me? I sat in the cell and thought of nothing but Eliza. I wrote her a letter. Later on Judge Delaney appeared in front of my cell.
“David, I want to ask you an important question, did you force yourself on Eliza?” he asked sternly.
“No never.”
“She is saying you did and you made her with child.”
“You know me, Judge.”
“I know I know you. That is why I had to come here and talk to you,” he said.
“Why did she say it then, Judge?” I asked feeling my heart shatter.
“It was an odd thing, David. A young man came to the door claiming to be married to Eliza. When she was confronted with it she said they married before she left England. She believed he would not come to the states because he was to marry some other woman and no one else knew what they did. Apparently, she was made to leave London because she was in bed with the young man before they were married. That is what Gregory, her husband had said. Then she told us all that you forced yourself on her and make her with child because you and Juliette could not have any. Then when you fond out she was pregnant, you killed Juliette so you could marry Eliza,” the Judge explained.
I was shocked that Eliza would turn on me. She said there was nothing to worry about and everything would be okay. And when it came to either her neck or mine she discarded me to save her own self. I did not know what to say.
“David, we have known each other for a long time and I am at a loss here. I do not know what to do. Why did you kill her? This is not like you. What happened to you?”
I shook my head and said nothing. He turned and left. I do not know if he would want to know why I did what I did. So I sat down and started to write.
To finish, I beseech anyone who read this diatribe to know my actions were a result of lust and promises. Eliza knew about the failed marriage and my desire for her. I loved her very much and I believed Eliza did love me as well. I was willing to do anything for her and I did. I killed my wife with the poison she gave me. She answered my physical needs with joy. Eliza brought life back to me. But I am begging for my life, in hopes that my child will know the truth and write letters or possibly visit. I know I am going to burn in hell for my actions here on Earth but please let me live to at least see a glimpse of my child. I apologize to Judge Delaney and his wife for what I have done to their family. I was so weak when it came to Eliza. Please forgive me. Please let me live.