Chapter 27---- Brotherhood

         Joey watched from the kitchen window as Jess turned the car around and drove away. "Where is he taking Tim now, Trina?" he asked.

         "To the dentist. Did you want to go to the dentist today too?"

         "No, but he's always taking Tim somewhere. Where did he take him yesterday?"

         "To the pediatrician. Tim needed some shots."

         "Oh." He winced a little.

         "See, Honey nobody took very good care of Tim up to now. He never went to a dentist before and his teeth need a lot of fixing. Want some buttermilk?"

         “Yes please. Jess and I like buttermilk but Tim doesn't."

         "It's an acquired taste."

         "What's acquired mean?"

         "It means you might not like it at first but it grows on you." She poured him a glass.

         Joey complained, "Jess is always busy with Tim now."

         Trina sat down beside him. She knew Joey was being asked to handle a big change in his life now that Tim was here.

         "Everything was okay before, why does Jess want another boy here now?"

         Trina sighed. She understood Joey's feelings, Putting these two boys together was bound to be complicated, Some of the time it wasn't working very well. And the rest of the time it wasn't working at all.

         Trina asked him, "Are you afraid that if Jess pays attention to Tim that means less for you?"

         "Well, doesn't it?"

         "Sweetheart, that isn't how love works. You don't have to take what love you have and divide it up among people. The more you love the more you have to give. And we couldn't have two boys living here and love one less than the other, could we?"

          "I was here first. He's always with Tim it seems to me,” Joey complained.

         "Well, Honey, Tim has a lot of needs right now. I told you nobody has been taking care of him up to now. This is a whole new life for him and he needs a lot of help fitting into it. Do you understand that?"

         Joey shrugged. "I have to get used to everything being different, too"

         Trina was consoling him with food. She set a slice of the peach pie in front of him and refilled his glass. There was no way to soften it. He was being told to move over and make room. "Nobody asked me what I thought about it."

         When Tim came home he was not looking very well. He had bloody gauze in his mouth and was going to be hurting when the Novocain wore off. Jess took him upstairs and put him to bed.

         "How is he doing?" Trina asked.

         "The two year molar had to come out. It was too far-gone. Now he needs a root canal to save the six-year molar. I don't see how people could let a kid's teeth get into a condition like that!"

         "If they didn't have any money," she suggested.

         "He was neglected! He couldn't remember if he had any immunization before now."

         Joey asked, "Can we do something together now? You've been away all day."

         Jess knew what he was meaning and said "I have to do some chores outside right now but you can come help me; How’s that?" Better than nothing, Joey conceded and followed him outside. At least it was time spent with Jess and without Tim.

         The next day Jess had to go to the county seat on business. Joey asked, "Can I go with you?"

          "Not this time. I just have to go to the bank, do some paper work and hurry home. I have a lot of work to do today."

         "Why can't I go with you?"

         "Not this time."

         Joey was feeling peevish. If anyone had told him he was jealous of Tim he would have denied it indignantly. How could he be jealous of a boy who was getting shots and having his teeth worked on? Well, he could if that boy was getting the lion's share of Jess's attention!

         He wandered into the living room where Tim was sitting and reading. Tim liked to read. Tim was feeling somewhat better now but still had a sore mouth and had his orders to stay quiet and keep in the house where it was cool. So he had chosen one of the many books in the house that had been made available to him and settled down to read the morning away.

         Joey sat down opposite him and asked, "Whatcha reading?"

         "Treasure Island," he said without looking up.

         "What's it about?"

         "Pirates and ships and some island where there's a treasure."

         Joey was not as fond of reading as Tim. "It sounds boring."

         "It's not; it's a real good story." He was getting to an exciting part and wanted to read, not pay attention to Joey. And that hit Joey wrong. That was when he decided to be a brat.

         It would have been a good idea for Joey to just get out of there but he decided to nudge just for the heck of it. So he said, "It's a real good story," mocking Tim. Tim gave him a look. His mouth hurt and he was not up to an argument with Joey so he just kept reading. There was this about Joey: he could stand a lot of things but not being ignored. He began rocking his chair back and forth and whistling tunelessly. He knew this was annoying because Jess had told him that. Tim put up with it a while and then said, "Cut it out."

         Joey mocked, "Cut it out," and went on doing it. He knew he was being a tick.

         Tim said, "I mean it Joe, cut it out!"

         Joey mocked his words again. Tim left to go up to his room.

         Trina had come in on the last exchange. "Joey, that was uncalled for."

         The reprimand was just but that did not help the way Joey was feeling. He was ashamed and he didn't like feeling ashamed. Somehow he thought that was Tim's fault. too. "Tim is ruining everything! Jess and Trina want him here and I don't get a vote." Even if he got a vote he probably wouldn't have voted to have Tim go away now, but he would have voted in the beginning for him never to come here in the first place.

         But he knew even that was unworthy. He was being told Tim never had a home before; he had never been taken care of before. Joey knew he was privileged and could afford to be generous even with Jess’s time and attention. He just didn't feel like it. Joey would have denied that he was spoiled but he knew he was sure acting like it right then!

         Joey's behavior these days was unworthy of him and Jess was losing patience with it. The boys had quarrels already. Joey was good at pestering and pushing buttons and could usually get the older boy to react and get him in trouble that way.

         Trina had experience with bringing up boys. She knew the problems of helping children of different temperaments live together and fit in with one another. She knew the very difficult lessons of sharing and waiting turns that have to be learned by all children who have siblings. She advised, "Jess, be patient and wait it out. Don't get drawn into it on either side. "

         "I feel like I'm on the spot all the time. If I seem like I'm favoring Tim, Joey reacts, but if I cut Joey too much slack that's was no good either. I'm starting to think I'm in over my head, but it's Joey that's giving me the grief, not Tim. "

         Trina said, "Be careful what you wish for."

         "What did I wish for?"

         "You said you hoped they'd be like brothers. Well, this is like brothers."

         A day or so later the boys had a real fight. Over nothing, actually, except that Joey would not leave it until he got Tim to hit him. Tim had a temper and he was to be credited for keeping it most of the time in the face of the kind of provocation he was getting from Joey. But that day he had enough. In a flash of anger he punched Joey good and knocked him down. When Jess walked into the barn a moment later Joey was doubled over on the floor with the breath knocked out of him. Tim’s rage vanished and, seeing what he just did, he took off running.

         Jess ran after him of course; Tim was long legged and lean and used to running for his life. But he didn’t have the strength to get far; he fell. As Jess reached him he tried to get up and sank back on a painful ankle. He put up his hands to defend himself as Jess knelt beside him. "Stop it Tim I'm not going to hit you. I'll never hurt you."

         Tim said it as if he couldn't believe it: "I hurt Joey."

         "No you didn’t, Joey isn't hurt. Besides even if he was I saw how he was asking for it. You've hurt your foot. Let me see."

         Flight was impossible and there was nothing for it but to sit there and let Jess unlace his sneaker and ease it off. The ankle was already starting to swell. "Here take your shoe. I'll have to carry you."

         Tim asked in a small voice "Are you going to send me away?"

         "I'll never send you away!” He picked him up and headed for the house with him. Joey had recovered by then and followed them in the door. Jess said, "I'll have to take him to Mark's." He hoped nothing was broken.

         Joey was too honest to deny that he had caused whatever accident had happened. "I didn't want to make Tim get hurt. I'm sorry."

         Tim said, "I'm sorry. It was my fault."

         Maybe it was a small step in the right direction.

         For Jesse it was much easier to understand Tim's behavior than Joey's. Jesse had a quick hot temper of his own and he knew very well how fast everything could go wrong. He knew exactly how Tim felt at the sight of Joey doubled over on the barn floor. Jesse was out of patience with Joey and empathetic toward Tim and he couldn't take sides. He put Tim in the car and headed for Carthage.

         Mark diagnosed a nasty sprain. "How did this happen?" he asked.

         "It was an accident."

         "Yes, but Tim's a ward of the county, and they're going to want more of an explanation than that." He had a feeling Jess was reluctant to tell him about it and for that alone he had better get it out of him.

indent}"He was running and he fell," Jess said. That much was true but Mark was sure there was more where that came from.

         "Why was he running?"

         "Kids run," said Jess. Then he admitted, "I was chasing him and he fell."

         "Chasing him? What for?"

         Jess said, "The boys had a squabble. Tim thought I'd blame him and he took off running."

         "Jess, did Tim hurt Joey?"

         "No. Joey isn't hurt."

         Mark closed the door to the treatment room. "Jesse listen! You have no idea what kind of boy this is. Don't let his pretty face fool you! He's tough as they come or he couldn’t have survived! When I was examining his ankle just now that hurt him enough to make most kids his age cry. He didn't flinch.”

         Jess was not going to argue with him. He said, “I know what he’s been through.”

         “And I say you have no idea! I can see I’m not going to change your mind about this kid but take my advice! Watch him like a hawk, I mean it, eyes in the back of your head! Especially when he’s around Joey!”

         “I supervise. "

         “You supervise! I hope so. Well here’s something you can give him for pain, and keep him off that foot for a couple of days if you can. I’ll see him next week. Physically he’s doing fine. He needs to gain weight but knowing what the chow is like at your place, that’s no problem. And you ~~ you remember what I said!”

         Jess said he would. He had been aware that convincing his friends might take time. Convincing Joey was the issue that was bothering him more. He was seeing a side of Joey he hadn’t seen before.

         But then, Joey had never been asked to move over and share his space before. If Joey told the truth about it he was getting to like Tim and he was well aware that his behavior was wrong. He learned the hard way that provoking Tim was not the smartest thing to do. Having a civil conversation with him was a new idea but it could be done because Tim wasn’t looking for any trouble.

         That night at bedtime Tim clearly had something on his mind and Jess sat down on the armchair to hear what it was. Tim sat pleating the satin edge of the blanket and finally he said, "I'm sorry I hit Joey."

         "You already apologized for that."

         "Yes I know, but he's smaller than me and he's younger than me, and we have a no hitting rule here."

         "You didn't mean to hurt him."

         "That's just it, I did mean to hurt him. I got real mad right then for a minute and I did mean to hurt him."

         "I saw how he was acting. I saw he was asking for it and I already warned him about it."

         "But that's not an excuse," Tim insisted. "Joey's all talk, he wouldn't hit first not in a million years."

         "But he's got a big mouth and he talks too much sometimes. And don't be too sure he wouldn't hit first ether."

         "Well he wouldn't hit hard. He doesn’t know how to hit."

         "He's not much of a fighter."

         "I really got mad, Jess, and right then I wanted to hurt him."

         "And now you're not mad any more you feel bad about that, I know that feeling. I know how it feels to get angry and really hurt somebody and then spend a lot of time asking myself how could I do that, and wishing I could change it."

         "You never ~ " but then he stopped because Joey had told him some things. Maybe Jess did understand.

         "I wish I never. The truth is, Tim, I have a bad temper. I've come a long ways learning to control it but it's still there and I can't let myself forget that. Not at my size. God gave me a lot of strength which is good if I use it right but I can't afford to let it go out of control, you understand?"

         Tim nodded. Jess went on. "Something would rile me, maybe nothing really important, and it was like it wasn't me doing it, it was somebody else I had no control over. Then when it was over I would see what I did and ~ so you see I do understand."

         Tim nodded.

          "I have to give my temper to God every day of my life to hold on to for me."

         "Joey told me you broke Mr. Kagan's nose," Tim said.

         "Yeah and that's one thing I would like to change if I could. But the thing is, Tim, I know how you felt right then, and right after. I know that in a way Joey could never understand."

         "I heard the doctor tell you I'm dangerous."

         "Yeah I heard him say that too. Tim, you know I love Joey but that doesn't keep me from seeing things he does that are wrong. He hasn't treated you very well since you've been here. I've been over it with him a good many times."

         "Joe had everything to himself before I got here. I don't blame him for not liking me sometimes."

         "There is this about Joey. He likes everybody and he likes you but he's twelve years old and he likes his own way too. He pushes my buttons too. I've never hit him but there were times I thought maybe I should put him over my knee." Jesse knew he was talking to a boy who had been hurt, badly, too many times. He moved over to sit on the bed.

         "You keep telling me you'll never hurt me," Tim said.

         "And that's true, I never will."

         "My Pa ~~ "

         "Well about him, he had something that was out of control too, maybe a temper as well but his drinking was out of control from all you told me about him. He's not around now and when he gets out, you'll be a grown man. He'll never hurt you again. Nobody will. That's my job from now on, to keep you safe."

         Tim looked up at him and suddenly he had a name for what he was feeling. He said it without meaning to, without thinking and he was embarrassed the minute it was out but it was true. "I love you."