You're a Mean One

“Good morning, Susan, I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Hi, Amber”
“How are you today?”
“I broke a nail this morning, and I feel sick to my stomach.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I hope you feel better soon.”
“Yeah, thanks. Is that a new shirt? I don’t think puke is a good color for you.”
“Really? I liked it when I bought it.”
“You should take it back. And have you gained weight? You’re butt looks awfully big in those jeans.”
“No, I haven’t. Why do you insist on being so mean?”
“I’m not; I’m telling you the truth. I think you should reconsider your entire wardrobe, really. You look like a hootchie mama most of the time.”
“Well, I’ll take your suggestions into consideration… Um, how do you like your new assistant?”
“She’s ugly, and she cries all the time. I think she is in denial.”
“Of what, exactly?”
“Well, she doesn’t know how to do anything right, so I tell her how she should be doing things, and she keeps running off to the ladies room to cry. I can’t understand it.”
Sigh. “Have you considered being nicer to her when you point out what she’s doing wrong, and not being so blunt? Maybe you could soften your criticism with something positive?”
“What, you mean lie to her? No way, I’m doing her a favor. I think it’s much worse to let her keep on being deluded. She needs to learn.”
“Susan, I’m going to tell you something. You are really mean when you talk to people. There’s this thing called tact, you should really learn to use it.”
“Isn’t that the same as lying?”
“No, it isn’t. You don’t have to tell people the hard truth all the time. You can keep your opinions to yourself.”
“Then I’m lying by omission.”
“No, you silly twit! You aren’t lying, you’re keeping from hurting peoples’ feelings by not saying things to make them feel bad. You are about the most thick-headed person I have ever met. You are obnoxious and have no fashion sense whatsoever. You frustrate everyone around you, and no one likes to talk to you. Everyone drew straws to see who would talk to you about this, and I lost. So there it is.”
“See, don’t you feel better, now?”
“Aargh!”

Word count: 384