Thanks A Lot!

"Sweetie, does this dress make me look fat?"
"Well, yes. It does make your ass look pretty big."
"What? Why didn't you say something before I bought it?"
"You didn't ask."
"Dammit, Henry. We get married tomorrow. Where am I going to get another wedding dress, now?"
"What difference does it make? Everyone already knows you have a huge ass."
"You don't really want to marry me, do you?"
"It wasn't my idea to begin with, remember? But, you cried and cried..."
"You spent a thousand dollars on a ring, but didn't really want to marry me?"
"Actually, it was fifty dollars. It's cubic zirconia."
"You bastard! What else haven't you told me?"
"I have herpes. I've been married six times and pay child support on sixteen children. Oh, and I never actually got a divorce from my fourth wife."
"You son of a bitch! I hate you!"
"Well, Cecily, it's not my fault, you know!"
"How is it NOT your fault?"
"You never asked."
"Thanks a lot, Henry. You've ruined my life."
"Can I have the ring back? It belongs to my third wife, Georgia....Hey, put that knife down! What are you doin....Urk!"
"Bastard won't be lying to any more women now, will he?"