Grime and Tarnishment

Fred and James, two friends since they were teenagers, meet each other in a bar. After shaking Fred's hand, James points to Fred's shoulder. "What's that on your shoulder? Is that snoo?"

Fred looks at his shoulder and brushes at it. "Snoo? What's snoo?"

"Not much, what's new with you?" James says with a grin.

"There's something wrong with my left arm," Fred replies, holding his arm.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's just not right."

The two sit at the bar and the bartender approaches them. "I'll have a yurs," Fred says to him.

A perplexed look on his face, the bartender asks, "What's yurs?"

"A 7th and 7."

"And I'll have a tin roof," James interjects.

The bartender's eyes roam over to James, but doesn't even have to ask. But Fred does. "A tin roof?"

"It's something on the house."

"Hey James, who was that lady I saw you with last night?" Fred takes a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the table and eats a few.

"That was no lady, that was my wife. And you know, I tried getting a dog for my wife last month, but I ran into a problem."

"Oh?"

"The pet store wouldn't take her."

The bartender brings the drinks and leans on the bar in front of them. "Excuse me, fellas, do you know Schultz?"

"What's his name?" Fred asks.

The bartender picked up the glasses from the bar. "Who?"

"Schultz!"

The bartender shakes his head. "Never heard of him."

"You two should be on the stage!" James says with a laugh.

"Yeah, I hear there's one leaving at noon tomorrow," the bartender says as he walks off to serve another customer.

Fred looks at his watch. "Well I must be going now, but I'll meet you down by the stockyards later."

"Just make sure to wear your hat so I'll recognize you."

Fred nods. "If I get there first, I'll draw a line."

"And if I get there first, I'll rub it out!"