Elder Hostel: Part Trois

Elder Hostel: Part Trois

On the way to kidnapping Henry, Norman takes a quick detour


TRANSCRIPT

Bill O’Reilly, Host: Welcome back. The Factor continues. Tonight, we have Norman Bridewell, noted demon. Now Mr. Bridewell, you state that Blood Ties should not be renewed. Why, and what is Blood Ties? I don’t know this Blood Ties. Why should I care about it?

Norman Bridewell, Demon: Hi Bill. Thanks for having me -----.

O’Reilly: I mean, who cares about Blood Ties. What is Blood Ties?

Bridewell: Blood Ties is a TV show -----.

O’Reilly: The Factor is the only show I watch. Did you know that The Factor is the only show parents should let their children watch? It’s in my new book, The Factor for Parents: If You Don’t Buy This, You Don’t Love Your Kids.

Bridewell: It’s dangerous! It’s violent! It drives women crazy with lust!

O’Reilly: Now Mr. Bridewell, my book is not going to drive women crazy with lust. Do you know any women I’ve driven crazy with lust?

Bridewell: No, no! Blood Ties! You see there’s this group of women, and one guy, called the ---

O’Reilly: According to Factor producers, I have never driven a woman crazy with lust. Your facts just don’t stand up, Mr. Bridewell.

Bridewell: The Order of the Yum! They’re a public danger at worst, a nuisance at best. They’re massing a huge postcard campaign. Can you imagine the mail that isn’t being delivered because of all the postcards clogging the system?

O’Reilly: So you have a gripe with postcards. I sent a postcard once. Have you ever sent a postcard Mr. Bridewell?

Bridewell: Um, what? No, we’ve got to stop Blood Ties!

O’Reilly: Mr Bridewell, you really haven’t proven your point about this Blood Ties thing. One of my producers just said that she’s a big fan of this Blood Ties - had never watched Lifetime until the show came on. Sounds like Blood Ties is good for the Lifetime network.

Unidentified Woman: Hello! Hello!

O’Reilly: Who is that peaking over your shoulder Mr. Bridewell?

Bridewell: Sinead! Go away! I’m on TV here.

Unidentified Woman: I’ve always wanted to be on TV. Is this The View? I love that show. Are you Rosie? You don’t look like Rosie.

O’Reilly: No ma’am. Rosie’s not on The View anymore thanks in part to an effort by The Factor to ---

Bridewell: If you’re not going to let me talk, why did you have me on?

O’Reilly: Because I like to hear myself talk. Don’t you like to hear me talk? My wife won’t let me talk at home, so I have to do it here. What say you Mr. Bridewell? Don’t you like to hear me talk?

Bridewell: NO!

O’Reilly: Mr. Bridewell, you’re going to have to hold your temper or I’ll turn your mike off. Now, we’ve got thirty seconds left. I’ll let you have the last word.

Bridewell: Don’t watch Blood Ties! Don’t send postcards! Don’t let it be ---

O’Reilly: Sounds like this Blood Ties is going to be a huge success. I’ve said so, so that should be good enough. After all, we’re the number one rated news show on cable television. Thanks for bringing the show to our attention Mr. Bridewell. The Factor will continue after the break.

Bridewell: Noooo

(fade to commercial)


To Be Continued.....