How it all began

                I remember that it was cold that morning, not freezing but the kind of cold that evaporates into a fine day early in the afternoon.  The only new thing in my life was a pair of red Polo socks.  Damn, they were comfortable; to this day I still wear Polo socks, not just because of their comfort but primarily due to the fact that I’m a bit of a clothes whore.  Ralph Lauren crept into my life and just made himself at home.  Shirts, pants, socks, hell, even underwear.  Some would call it spoiled; my father would call it ruined.  Ruined seemed to be a theme of mine in the few years since I left the Army.  My life wasn’t really going any where.  The military gave me discipline and structure, something I have never been able to apply to myself unless someone was standing over my shoulder telling me to drop and give them twenty.

         Work was normal with the exception of the new computers the office was receiving that morning.  Man did we need them.  Ever try to keep track of a million pounds of sunflower seeds with a hundred different varieties on computers that to this day I believe were old converted Atari games so the company could save a few bucks.  I was sure that they would explode at any given moment, giving me the opportunity to claim workers comp due to the shock and horror of seeing my boss realize that he was going to have to spend money on upgrades.  Actually, they had been installing the computers for a few days now.  Problems seemed to be the opinion of the installers and then, out of no where, she was there.  I don’t remember when she showed up, she just sort of appeared.  It didn’t matter, she was there now and I couldn’t help myself, I had to flirt.  Now, you have to understand that flirting came to me about as easily as brain surgery.  Just the thought made my palms sweat, blood drain from my head and a general lack of confidence was about all I could ever muster.  Plain and simple, I was just not any good at flirting.  Damn, she was good looking, I had to do something other than sit there and look like an idiot.  Of course to date, that’s about all I was really good at, but I had to rise above my fears, rise above my lack of confidence and pray to God that she asked me out.
 
                After a few more days of installation and several heavy handed attempts to make myself seem funny, we actually started to talk.  The computers were my way in, my way of needing to talk to her.  To this point in my life, the only technical training I’d had was jumping out of airplanes and getting shot at.  Now, it wasn’t very difficult to be a bullet catcher so, calling her to ask computer questions was not all that far fetched.  How many times could I call without coming across as a complete moron and more to the point, she is really bright, she had to know I was hitting on her, right?  I could just imagine it now “Yeah Hi, how’s it going, by the way, how do you turn this thing on?”  Nope, that wasn’t going to fly, but in actuality, that wasn’t far from the truth.  This went on for a short time and then I noticed that she was calling and hanging around the office “fixing” things more and more.  Was I just imagining things?  Was my feeble mind playing a sick horrible joke, a trick that could have possible repercussions on my future?  Did she actually like me?  All I could think of was giving her a note saying “If you like me, check this box”.

              You know what, she did like me.  Me, a nobody, a kill’em all and let God sort’em out kinda guy.  She, all lace and angels asked me if “I do the beer thing?”  Being the player that I am, king of smooth, on our first date I proceeded to talk about old girlfriends.  Could I actually have brain damage?  Yeah, brain damage could be the only excuse, I worked so hard, dreamed of this opportunity, impress her with my vast knowledge of all things great and wonderful and what do I do, talk about old girlfriends.  Yep, brain damage.

              I don’t know how, to this day I am still amazed at the events that took place over the next three years.  In short, we started to date and the world as I had known changed almost overnight.  I had only considered marriage once before in my life, not even half heartedly at the time but it had occurred to me.  This was totally different; I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman.  Can’t she see through me?  Can’t she see that I have nothing to offer a woman of her caliber?  Not to mention, how was I going to convince her father that I would keep his daughter happy for the rest of her life?  These were serious questions I was dealing with, life altering questions that one deals with when considering taking a bride.  My brain seems to hurt all the time, remember the brain damage?  This had to be a side effect, I mean; I hadn’t given my brain a workout like this ever before.  Could this be love?  How is one to know?  I had all the classic signs, my heart ached whenever we were apart, my palms were sweaty when we were together, and all I could ever think about was her.  Man, I had it bad.

                One evening I was talking with a friend about his marriage and I was asking all the normal questions, how is it being married, does your life change, do you really stop having sex?  You know all the big ones.  I mean, I wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer and I needed all the help I could get.  I was about to make the biggest decision of my life and I had absolutely no idea how to go about it.  Then, as if in a cartoon, a light popped on above my head, a little voice in the far reaches of my brain said “What are you waiting for?”  You know, I had no idea.  It was like a warm blanket wrapping around me on a cold evening, why had I been waiting?  We had been dating for over three years, she knew more about me than my own mother, why in the hell was I still waiting?  That was it; I was going to ask her to marry me.

                  So, how in the hell was I going to do that?  We had discussed our future together several times.  Commitment leads to marriage, where we might live, all the things a couple talks about before actually getting married.  All of my life I wanted to ask a father for his daughters hand in marriage.  I’m a southern boy at heart and that’s what happens in the south, young men ask fathers for permission to marry their daughters.  I mentioned this to her in one of our "future" discussions.  The problem was she didn’t want me to talk to her father, not out of fear that he’d say no, but for some reason she wanted the fact of our marriage to be a secret for a while.  Why?  She wanted to have a secret, a secret that only we knew about, something special the two of us could share for a few days.  A girlie thing?  Oh yeah.  Did I care?  Not one damn bit.  This made her happy and that was my number one job in life, make her happy. 

                      Now on to the actual question, how was I going to ask the big one, down on one knee, a surprise, hire the local news station to record a message and play it on the 6 o’clock news?  My head was spinning; I actually considered hiring a sky writer and have him fly over her house with a huge banner saying “Will you marry me?”  In the end, it came down to a walk, just a simple stroll around the block.  I asked simply, “What are you doing for the next sixty years?”  Her response was “I don’t know, why?”  “Well, if you’d have me, I’d like to spend it with you.”  Then I gave her the ring, she didn’t answer, instead she grabbed me and gave me a hug like no other, an embrace that said yes, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  Yeah, it was a good hug.

                      That was almost eleven years ago, eleven wonderful years.  I am still amazed that she said yes, still amazed that she ever liked me in the first place.  We have had some wonderful times; some tough times and some times of just living day to day but in all we have spent them together.  My life changed the day she walked into my office, changed for the better and it’s only growing after eleven years.  I thank God every day for Caroline, for the strength to continue on our journey through life together and for the continued happiness that we’ve had.  I am unable to put into words the pure joy that I have in my heart for Caroline.  We are truly blessed for finding one another, truly blessed for the ability to love one another and truly blessed that after eleven years we still like one another.  She is my best friend, my soul mate, my partner in all things.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  By the way, I wore those red Polo socks on our wedding day.