Letter To A Son In Jail

8/7/2005


Dear Son,
I am writing to you because, I feel that there are some things that I need to say to you.
First of all...I want you to know how sorry I am that you are having to spend your time behind bars.
Of course you and I know that this is because of your own wrongdoing.

You must know by now that there is no possible way that your family can come up with all that money and whatever else it would take to get you out.

I don't think you know what an effect this has on your family, however.

So, I think that this may be the purpose for me writing this. To tell you that it has put a big burden of crisis, worry, frustration, depression, dismay and helplessness on our hearts. Not just upon your children, but upon your siblings and myself.

Oh, I'm sure now that your children will be well taken care of, thanks to your brother and your sister.

I have stepped up to wire money today to see that your kids get the things they need (like toothbrushes), and to leave some money at the jail for your personal items.

For awhile there I had my doubts about the proper care of your children.
My biggest fear has been that they might end up in the court system someday.
Believe me it could still happen. That is certainly something that I never want to see happen. Neither do your siblings, nor you for that matter.

You ,however, don't think that much of their wellbeing or you wouldn't be putting their lives at risk in that way.

I know that things got rough for you. However you were always able to make ends meet in spite of it. Many times with my financial help.

You have the tendency to put yourself first at times although, when it comes to matters of choice as to what your priorities are...pleasure for you...or responsibilities toward your children.

Your kids did not ask to be born, they were, however. Now both of their parents have failed them. Maybe, that sounds a little harsh, but I am sorry, it is true.

That is the reality of this situation. I wish that you would - Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Your kids don't deserve this. You were the only stable parent in their lives and you put that stability at risk ...and down the tube!

I know that as a parent it is not easy. It is an ongoing responsibility. You can let an adult child down and live with it. You are not responsible for them as adults. You cannot however let an under age child down in ways that effect their wellbeing, and live with it if you are a truly caring parent. That's putting that child at risk.

How do you make it up to them? You are lucky that you have family who care
enough to step up and take charge of some of all this fallout of your actions.

Meanwhile, you are suffering, your children are suffering by missing you and their home. They will get through this. They will not forget it.

Please, son for their sake and for yours: think about what your actions have done. Think about the things I have said here. Then act upon solutions to remedy these problems when you are able to.

Make the sacrifice for your children's sake.

They need you more than you know. I know you love them. Now you will need to show them just how much. Not by buying them the things they desire, but by being there for them. By putting their needs first and foremost.

Well, I guess I've said enough. I know that this is going to be hard on you. You will get through it. Hopefully, you will have learned from it.

I am in touch with your sister and your brother as to what is going on with you. Your brother tells me it will be even harder when you get out. He means harder on you financially because of this.

I am praying for you and your kids and for all of us to get through this time.
Love always,
Mom



This was a letter I wrote to one of my son's when he was serving a four month sentence for driving under the influence. At the time of his arrest he had custody of his three children. He has since walked the straight and narrow and has become a better person, and I should add; a better parent.




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