Dust Bunnies and Memories

I received a call from the nursing home that my Mother's diamond cluster ring was missing. The staff claimed they had hunted through the linens, looked around her room and through her clothes.

I wasn’t angry at anyone but myself. I should have removed all three rings when she was admitted. At that time I couldn’t have taken them from her without a screaming cat fight.

How can I blame her? It was like taking Dad away all over again. She had very few personal things left. This ring had diamonds around the original engagement diamond in a dinner setting. It was unique and lovely. Her rings received more compliments.

I knew that my Grandmother’s black sapphire and Mom’s diamond wedding band had to be taken before they disappeared also. Her hands had alternated between being swollen or very thin due to body fluid shifts. Her Mother’s black sapphire was unusual. It was also sentimental and an antique.

Two weeks ago, the sapphire ring had disappeared. I noticed it was gone when I visited. It had been three days since I had been there so it could be long gone. We looked everywhere; under the bed and through closets and clothes.

I'd like to think it was a whisper from God. Something told me to look under the wheel of her bed. There it lay stuck by the wheel with the dust bunnies.

I had tried to take the rings then and Mom kicked me in the shin. She was feisty normally but the Alzheimer's made her much worse.

“You will get them when I am gone,” she bluntly told me.

It grieved me to take lotion today and work on Mom’s left ring finger, her wedding band. Her orginial had a tiny diamond in it. I remember the year and store where my Dad had taken her to pick it out. It was lovely. There were five large quality diamonds across the band. The price was $300.00 in 1959.

My Dad was a carpenter and it took a lot of savings to get that for her. She called all her friends as soon as she got home. I remember the tears of joy in her hazel eyes.

Now I was causing tears of sadness by pulling that same ring off. I promised to lock it up. There are so many special things two people share alone and I hope Mom still had memories of those special times.

Now, she just kept repeating “everything is gone”. I don’t know what she thinks anymore, probably that I am being cruel. I didn’t know what to say. Her face crumbled like a heartbroken child.

How would I feel if my wedding ring was suddenly gone and I was confused? Panic, fear, desperation over the loss. I would look all over and since I couldn’t get up; all I could do is wonder.

I would be frightened. Imagining someone bad might have stolen it. What if they came back?

She wouldn’t remember it was me.
Would she try to get up and then break a hip?

I would feel so responsible, “if only I hadn’t taken the ring".
But she had included in her will that the jewelry would be mine someday and I knew that.

Even with the Alzheimer’s there are moments of lucidity. She looks at the picture of Dad.
Does she remember him returning from World War II?
I wonder if she thinks about that afternoon when the two of us stood by his bed when he died from cancer with a sweet smile on his face?
The feeling of warmth around his body was so comforting. I believe I felt his spirit move. I feel him around me all the time and it helps. I have to talk to him about Mom. He knew her far better than I.

She speaks about Dad quite a bit. Sometimes telling me they are planning a trip. Often it is after she awakens from a dream. He is also on television occasionally in her world. But sometimes there are mean creatures and bad people chasing her too. You never know.

Driving home, tears are running down my face.
I realize that these rings are material things. They can’t be replaced. But they aren’t love and family.

I pray my kiss on her lips and the “I love you," took away some of the hurt.

I place her pink teddy bear I had brought next to her snow white soft hair. She looked like a radiant angel with a lovely face. Mom was still very pretty at eighty.


I told Dad all about it on the way home.