I hate myself

Everything I do
in this life
makes me empty
inside,

Sucks the life
out of me
into a void of regrets,
failures
and malcontent,

I despise everyone around me,
but most of all
I despise myself.

I feel like crushing
the life
out of something
pure and innocent,

Just so maybe,
maybe,
I will feel something,
or make another life
feel the way I do

So many pressures,
eyes on me,
watching if I stumble,
kicking me when I fall,
and stomping on me
when I don't rise again

I don't have the courage
to take what I want,
I keep those around me
at a distance,
stay away,
unless you hurt me,
as so many others
have done before,

Outsider, outcast,
living on a sub-par plane of existence,
Unable to connect
emotionally with another,
never loving, only lusting,

Shallow thoughts, vain,
materialistic twisted mind,
turned upon myself,
mocking myself,
joining in the chorus
of those who mock me,

I hate myself