Frozen ponds and reed beds...

We were very lucky in lots of ways. The three of us sisters had a free reign on the farm since my father had left us. It would be our last winter there. When spring came the buyers would fall in love with the place, and we would 'down-size'.

No more ponies and gymkhanas. We live in suburbia, nearer to Mummy's new job. As she took the burden of financial income onto lone parent shoulders, my grandmother lived in and looked after us. Poor woman. Two thirteen year olds (Victoria and I are twins), and an eleven year old, were a cruel chore to hand to an aging woman, whose parental heart strings bled for her abandoned daughter.

High spirited children, poor sighted elderly relatives, and acres of freedom led to much mischief. We all coped with our father's absence in our own ways. Victoria built up a wall of defenses and a thick hide. Ruby philosophized herself into a sensible and independent woman. I wore the pants and became the man of the family, desperate to provide a constant comfort to my fragile siblings - sadly, I was only a thirteen year old girl.

We often played in the bottom field. It was full of cross-country jumps for the horses and the terrain was wonderfully hap-hazzard. The twisting landscape rose and fell, leaving natural areas of camouflage from the windows at the farm. Hiding us from meal-time summons, dull faced mothers and homework eager grandmothers, the Pond lay here.

The Pond was fenced off from the rest of the paddock. The last thing we would want, would be for one of the horses to wonder too close to it's unstable banks. It was deep full of reeds. They would drag and tangle a panicked pony to it's death.

"Maybe we could skate on it?" Vikki mused, as she leaned over the fence. Her breath puffed out in steaming swirls against the frost air.

"No. We're not allowed in there." Ruby stated from within her quilted jacket, hat and scarf. Her voice was muffled by the layers. Like a red flag to our bull-headedness, Vikki and I both ducked under the low, wooden plank and stared back at Ruby, rebelliously.

"Who's going to know?"

"Mum said it's dangerous."

"Mum said that we could go on holiday - and that's not going to happen now, is it?"

"Well, it's not safe."

"Off course it's safe!" Vikki pooh-poohed, and tentatively tested the ice nearest to her toes. "You're the lightest, Ruby. You have to go into the middle to see."

She joined us on the wrong side of the fence, but slipped as she shivered onto the ice. Her fall was heavy, an ominous crack and squeak took all the sound out of the place. We all locked eyes and just had time to register the sound of gurgling, bubbling water before Ruby's legs disappeared with a yelp.

I grabbed a thick handful of reeds and, only just, grabbed her quilted shoulder before she went under. Unfortunately, this meant that the ice now cracked under our combined weight, and half of me went into the pond too.

My memories become a little vague here. I remember thinking that the water was surprisingly warm, oozing through my layers. I remember Vikki running back up toward the farm to get help. I remember calming Ruby and encouraging her to climb up my body, like a ladder, and pushing her onto the bank. I remember thinking that I couldn't hold on to the reeds forever, and that I didn't want my sister to be sad at me dying. So, I remember sending her up to the house, following in Vikki's footsteps.

I don't remember us referring to the incident, ever. Just that we were a far more cohesive family from that day on. For me, the most horrifying thought about the whole thing was that I had made up my mind to die and was at utter peace with the idea. Sometimes, I wonder; will it be that way when the end of me really comes?

(686 words)